为什么相爱的人却又为爱而纷争
现实的翅膀搅乱原本幸福的气氛
我有我的过错 我有我的疑惑
藏在面对面的沉默背后

为什么让爱躲进乌云密布的天空
随着风飘流在外一天一点的散落
慢慢远离的梦 渐渐冷却冰封
心痛当初相遇的心动

I am so into 超级星光大道 lately..
杨宗纬's voice juz melts my heart~

浪漫就是一起面对生活，两个人风雨无阻共同走着一条路。

以前，对我而言，爱情是享受，现在是，珍惜。

以前，幸福对我而言是：

-睡到自然醒
-吃到想吃的东西
-每个月都够钱用
-一家人凝聚在一起
-看好看的书与漫画
-无忧无虑
-看不完的港剧
-和好朋友喝茶聊天

现在，幸福对我而言是：

-和以上的一样 （没变）
-在Sony Pictures Entertainment工作认识到Jan, Ching & Yong
-妈咪看到我胃痛泡麦片给我喝
-因为看到我不舒服，妈妈每天打电话给我问我好点了吗
-和妈咪做在饭厅聊天南地北
-杰下了飞机累到半死，回到家冲个凉吃点东西，就到我办公室接我下班
-他当天要出国，行李还没收拾好，就先来帮我搬家
-收到杰甜蜜的手机简讯
-倚在杰肩膀上看电视节目
-睡觉前杰把我拥在怀中
-睡醒是他用手轻抚我的脸颊，轻轻亲我的额头
-看到我们手指的对戒
-弟弟回家时会打包食物给我吃

幸福其实很简单，生活中的点点滴滴都可以是幸福。
我要好好珍惜我生命中的小小幸福。

Stumbled upon an old song lyrics that Jas sent me..Meaningful..

I've been looking at people
And how they change with the times
And lately all I've been seeing are people
Throwing love away and losing their minds

Or maybe it's me that's gone crazy
'Cause I can't understand why
All these people keep hurting each other
When good love is so hard to come by

So what's the glory in living
Doesn't anybody ever stay together anymore
And if love never lasts forever
Tell me what's forever for

I've been listening to people
And they say love is the key
And it's not my way to let them lead me astray
It's only that I want to believe

But I see love-hungry people
Trying their best to survive
While in their hands is a dying romance
And they're not even trying to keep it alive

So what's the glory in living
Doesn't anybody ever stay together anymore
And if love never lasts forever
Tell me what's forever for

Today is a rainy day..Really heavy rain when i was on my way back home..I was drenched from top to toe even wif an umbrella..

I juz realized that i love crying in the rain..cos pple cant tell whether the droplets on my face r my tears or the raindrops..the sound of the wind oso covered the sound of my cries..I can cry without any reservations cos i dun think pple will noticed that i m crying in the rain..

Pray that one day my tears will dry & i wont cry anymore..

Finally after a wk, he's back fr the business trip..Its so hard to be apart from him..Every nite when silent filled the surroundings, his smiles & those happy moments kept filling my mind..I noe he'll need to go on this kind of trips few times a yr in the future..But i noe he's striving hard in his career..for himself, for his family, for us..I'll b supportive..cos i've faith in him..I noe how tough it is for him to juggle wif so many things yet tryin his best not to neglect me..But i juz want him to noe that i'll b understanding enuf to let him do his things w/o worrying abt me..We'll enjoy the fruit of our hardwork in time to come..We've been together for this long..It hasnt been easy on us along the way as compared to other couples..We had to over come alot more barriers than others..

Janice told me a couple of times.."This is a really good guy..Grab tight..Cherish.." I noe..& i feel that i've changed alot..all the wilful & stubborn acts that i used to have in the past, i no longer c them now..i believed i've changed for the better & i did it for him..subconsciously..mayb bcos i dun wish to lose him..cos all those wilful acts..i dun wan to be the one to push him away..i m confident that i'll be his best gf..all the time & effort that he spent on me will not be wasted..*wink*

He reached SG yesterday ard 5+ in the evening..He called me fr the airport..I noe he's feeling really tired cos of the trip..not enuf sleep, meet up wif the suppliers, etc..But he was so sweet that after reaching home putting down the luggages, he drove out juz to pick me up fr office to go back to his hse for dinner..i can c how tired he is but still he chose to pick me up fr work..Love him so much..

Okie gotta get back to work..logs open le ( y izzit the logs always take so long to open~) haiz..
Jan,Ching,Yong..u all r the best..work is fun wif u all ard..*muacks*

Did a personality test that Jan sent me today..this are the results..haha..

Trait Explanations

Openness
You are aware of your feelings but don't get carried away with your imagination either. You embrace change when it is necessary while still resisting it when it is not. Beauty is important, but it's not everything.
Conscientiousness
You are random and fun to be around but you can plan and persist when work requires. Depending on the situation, you can make quick decisions or deliberate for longer if necessary.
Extraversion
You are energetic and active. You enjoy and actively seek out social occasions, and especially enjoy talking with a big group of people.
Agreeableness
People get along with you well, especially once they have proved themselves trustworthy to you. You do have a healthy scepticism about others' motives, but that doesn't stop you from considering others to be basically honest and decent.
Neuroticism
You are generally calm. Although some situations can make you feel emotional, your feelings tend to be warranted.

Personality Disorder
You are unstable. Your relationships swing between intensely close and completely meaningless. Your sense of self changes dramatically, and the slightest impulse can send you on a destructive course of spending, over-eating, or drug abuse. Afterwards, you feel empty

Been such a long time since i really have the time to blog..busy wif work..now i m using his laptop to blog..he's taking a short nap..been bz wif his work & studies lately..can c that he's so tired..*heartache* he has been bz wif the grp discussion & preparing for the 2 presentations next wk..keep feeling that 24hrs a day is not enough for him..been hard on him le..even the time we meet up is lesser..in the past we used to meet up everyday..but now we both cannot afford the time..so,now we meet up like twice on wkdays & as usual i'll reserve my wkends for him..i know i need to b understanding..he's working so hard for the future..i'll be supportive de..

Lately i've been juggling wif 5 logs per wk..alot huh..but lucky i've the 3 of them wif me at work..the friendship we have at work is one of the motivation that i have regardless of how tiring work is..Last friday was the company 10th anniversary D&D..theme was 'Back To School'..all of us turned up at Sheraton in school uniform..it was so fun..i'll upload the pics here when i've the time..uploaded some on friendster..alot old frens actually msged to tell me that i dint change much for the past 10 yrs..whee! haha..

Been burying myself at work for the past few days..feel so tired everyday after work..but still make a point to meet him on wkdays..i miss him when i dun c him..izzit good to be so reliant on him?i dunno..i wasnt like this in the past..ever since young i always believed that i m an independent gal..i can do & solve things myself without others..cos i dun wan others to worry abt me..i m always the sensible gal in my family & friends eyes..but somehow i m dependent on him..i realized his every actions & words will affect how i feel for the day..every nite b4 i go to sleep i hope that his sms is wat i c last before turning in..every morn when i wake up i hope that his sms is wat i c 1st on my mobile..i cannot explain y i became so reliant on him..i think its bcos i love him..more & more til i m losin control of my emotions..its gd to have someone there for u..but i really dun wan to b so dependent..

I noe he has his work to do..i hope that i can b more independent like how i used to be..so that he dun need to worry abt me when he's doin his work..road will be tough as alot pple r having high expectations on him..but i believed that he can do it..he used to tell me "i m choa boon kiat leh,nothing in this world i cannot do de"..i love to c him seriously doin his work..attracted by his capability & the way he can analyse situations..wenliang always tells me..behind every successful man is a supporting woman..hope that i m be supporting enough..that he can juz rest on me whenever he's feeling tired & need a rest..

Yesterday went down to Orchard juz to buy the eyeliner..nearest m.a.c. counter..haiz..then after that supposed to meet him after his proj discussion de..but the discussion was dragged til quite late..planned to go Pasir Ris mrt find a spot drink tea read mag to wait for him..but i think he was worried so while having his discussion he actually contacted tua tao & wenliang to meet me up & acc me since they r all Pasir Ris too..appreciate that even though he's rushing thru his work liao still worry for me..i noe he felt bad for not having time for me..i can tell..even tuatao & wenliang was saying that he's juz worried that i m alone at Pasir Ris..hehe..met up wif wenliang first at Pasir Ris interchange..went to HK cafe for some food & teh..was chit chatting wif him when tuatao came..after that went to the prawning area to find Mok..sat there & juz relax..then he rushed here after the discussion..sat there for a while chatted wif wenliang on his work & plans..i was actually quite mesmerized by the way he talked *blushed* he has so many ideas in mind & analysed the whole situation well..that was one of the reason y i was attracted to him in the 1st place..but of cos is oso the way he treats me..always taking gd care of me & making me feel impt..after that went back to his place took shower had a short chat then went to sleep..poor dear, always not enuf time to sleep..today he'll be spending time at home to prepare for him presentation tml..so other than the occasional hugs & kisses i dun wanna disturb him..has been watching AXN fr lunch til now..cos today's AXN log is mine..juz sat down & watch to make sure that there r no mistakes hahaha..

Later after dinner i'll be heading home le..cannot bear to say bye to him but i noe he needs time for his stuff..& i need to go back home as i'll be shiftin soon so there r alot things to be done..gonna be busy wif the hse shifting soon le..keke..*sweat* hahah..

Okay i m gonna be positive & look forward for a better tomorrow.. (",)

They r the ones who made working life easier & happier..Love ya gals..

Been quite busy wif work lately..our team leader Nicole is goin to be transfer out to programming side le..sob sob..i'll miss her..all the chatting sessions were great..we actually share similar sentiments when it comes to relationship issues..haha..gonna miss her..but nvm we still have skepe to keep in touch even though she's over at the programming side..

I m really glad that i got to noe them..Janice, Yongxin, Peiching, Amy, Celia..work is not bored with them..we can crap jokes & laugh so loud til everyone else looking at us..i made great frens out of work..happy abt it..i think even if one day we leave the company we still will be great frens..love the gals..

He's going to start on the new job soon..i noe he wont have time like he used to have for me..and i m starting to feel insecure..i noe i shouldnt..i should b supportive..but somehow i think the coming changes is making me feel insecure..til a pt that i get unreasonable at times..last wed he went for class i couldnt get him on the phone..the arrangements cock up & i flew into rage..it was so bad that for the next few days i juz dun meet him dun reply his msgs..even when we met up on wkend i was still cold to him..ended up for the wkend we spoke so little..
Sunday after lunch wif his family tuatao jio go East Coast..i noe he's tired..but cos i feel like goin he brought me there..me, wenliang, mok, elyn, jeffrey went cycling..him, tua tao & dennis went roller blading..we cycled til Bedok reservoir..i suddenly craved for ice cream..then he saw le roller blade to the store to buy for me..actually i felt sweet..but somehow the stupid insecurities within me keep stopping me fr being nice..i still look gloomy..til the nite when he sent me home i still dun feel like talking..

The next day he only msged me in the morn then no more news le..i was feeling so upset..after lunch received a call fr him asking me to go office downstairs cos he need to pass me something..it was raining..i went down to c him carrying an umbrealla & a big plastic bag..he passed me the carrier & it was a big box of donuts~immed i melted..ask me not to feel upset le..said that he really love me & dote on me..at tat pt of time i almost cried..but gotta get back to work so i dint stayed for long..after goin back to office kanna teased by the whole team..ask me not to b angry or upset le..cos he really cares..i noe..but dunno y juz cannot control myself to feel insecure at times..i really will try de..cherish wat i have now..

Been quite sometime since i had any new post here..been really busy at work lately..numbers of log have been increased..still trying to cope..but i m glad that i made great frens over at SPE..Janice,Peiching,Yongxin,Amy,Celia..life would have been diff at SPE without them..even though the work is tough..but i enjoy being at the workplace bcos of them..all the skepe msgs, lunchtime TV sagas..all kept me moving from day to day..I love the gals..keke..

Lately has been hangin out wif his frens more & more..glad that i made some frens out of his clique..all the nicknames calling sessions r always fun..we all ended up in tears from laughters..even though he's tired..but still he made the effort to accompany me..thanks dearie..

we have already sold our hse..if the buyer do not change her mind within 7days, our hse will be considered sold..so we gotta really look for a hse soon..if not sleep on streets..hahha..went to view a few flats le..only one we really like..but the owner asked for quite a high price..we've already made our offer for their consideration, now waiting for their answer..if agree, we'll sign the contract..if not, we gotta continue hunt for flats le..actually its troublesome to shift hse, but no choice..haiz..hope tat we can get things done asap if not v time consuming..mum is in a super foul mood for the whole issue..always throw tantrums at me..but i'll endure de..i noe she's having a hard time..i really gotta b understanding..hope that things can settle down soon..and we have to aviod the lunar 7th mth oso..argh..alot issues..think i m really goin to b busy for the 2nd half of the yr liao..

juz passed our anniversary..both of us bz wif our stuff so i assume he forgot abt it liao..dint wan to put any more stress on him oso so dint remind him abt it..2 days before anniversary i ask him if he'll b free on tat day he still say c 1st..seems like he forgotten abt the day..was abit sad but i m understanding enuf not to create nuisance & stress to him..but still i prepared the presents for him..a self-made CD & a Levis top..day of anniversary was bz working the whole day,dint really contact eacg other oso..til 15mins before i knocked off, he sent me a msg..saying he'll b coming to pick me up fr work..then after meet up he nv mentioned anything abt the anniversary thingy..juz ask me where i wanna eat for dinner..seems like juz another normal day when we meet up for dinner..until i saw him drove towards ECP..i knew he muz b up to something le..in the end, he said "u muz b thinking i cleanly forgotten abt it liao rite?" hahah..he said tat he did it on purpose, making me feel that he forgotten abt the date..keke..brought me to East Coast & we had our dinner at Long Beach..the food there r nice..but abit expensive leh..after tat went for a stroll at East Coast Park along the beach..reminds me of the period when we juz got together..haha..but i c him so tired liao i suggested to go back early..on our way back he took a big cute Pooh bear fr the backseat & passed to me..aww~so cute..i m a sucker for Pooh bear series..and this time round its the baby pooh series..sooooo cute~but i dun bear to hug the bear yet cos scared will dirty the bear..keke..he keep asking me to hug but i juz dun bear..heehee..when we reach the carpark downstairs, he asked me to open the car booth to take the clothes for him, but when i open i saw a big puzzle frame, within is a colage of our photos for the past yr..he actually started preparing that a wk ago..still pretend he forgot abt it..hmph..but i do feel sweet & touched..a weet surprise fr him indeed..keke..even though so much things bothering him lately he still made the effort to do all these..thanks dearie..muacks..u made my day!!

been really bz lately..the new job is time consuming & very deadline-oriented..but somehow i like wat i m doing..planing the promos & stuff like tat..haha..but i m still learning lah..too much things to learn liao..not easy..but i like the working environment & team members..but frankly speaking feeling a bit stressed on the work..hope i can adapt to the workload soon..keke..

ex-colleague called me up for a chat few days back..complained so much abt office, boss & stuff to me..telling me how stressed she feeling..poor gal kanna wat me & sharon kanna while working at VF..throwing all the things to u & expect that u'll finish everything in time & without mistakes..haha..she cant cope & nw the manager has to share her workload..when i was ard i rem i was doing all the stuff..haha..no wonder Sharon said that i m the only one who can survived in VF for such long time..picky boss, emotional manager, attitude store, back-stabbing accountant, etc...haha..really glad to hav left that place..even though my current job is much tougher & more stress, but i m feeling happier..really glad to hav left VF..no matter where i'll be, def happier than there..Sharon was congrating me when i tendered..haha..think those who worked at VF will leave wif anger..hahah..hope that SinYee can survive there..god bless her..

so back to my work..really hope that i'll learn as fast as possible..jia you jia you..work hard..

was sick from sat morning..woke up wif a fever..eyes feeling very warm & sore..whole body breaking apart..been feeling drowsy so actually went back to sleep after taking medicine..so had been drowsy whole day..fri episode has been draining to me already..i really dun wish to think abt it anymore so i just try to sleep myself out of it for the whole day..

SY called and told me abt her issue..i felt worried for her so actually went out to meet her wif the rest..but on my way there he called..we ended up in quarrel again & this time round the tiff escalated to a fiercer episode..i ended up crying on my way there even til i met up wif my frens..i feel so drained..but i m still worried abt her..in the end she has to come n console me..haha..weak me..had a few drinks..as we were feeling really low..

I thought that i had already forgotten the pain..but no..the pain is still so vivid & real..i feel my heart tearing apart..i couldnt help but cry..but i dun think crying helps..i dunno how to describe the pain that i went thru..i really dunno..wat can i do now..stuck in delusion again..another nite of crying myself to sleep..how long can i still take the pain? if only i can juz take away all the pains i m going thru wif a spell..*naive thinking*

Its has been a week since i started work at Sony Pictures Entertainment..has been tiring cos of the travellin distance & time taken to go work..i m in the presentation dept doing on AXN channel (East Asia Feed)..there r alot of things to learn..now then i noe that the commercial breaks in btw every show takes so much effort to put them together..all the things needed to use in a commercial break (bumpers, promos, in-house promotions, menu IDs, cue tones, tag-ons, etc) all of them has a certain arragement & for different segments we have different arrangements..different promos has different priorities & the priorities changes everyday..they were telling me tat i need to work sometime there b4 i can get familiar wif it..

Lucky thing is i made new frens..the gals in my team r nice pple..so been hanging out wif Janice,Pei Ching, YongXin they all during work..they r nice pple & make me feel welcome in the new place..Janice is the one to teach me on my job..she's patient & nice..really hope that i can catch up fast & start doing the logs & presentation..

Now i m only 1 week into the job so alot of things still hard to say..c how things progress as time pass by bah..

I m having a one week break before starting on the new job..i haven had any gd rest for the past few yrs..although one week is abit short, better than nothing..heehee..so i spend almost everyday on my HK drama marathon..i juz cant stop on 溏心风暴..really nice show..no wonder rated one of the top viewership show in Hong Kong for this yr..total 40 episodes, i m halfway thru the show already..cant wait to finish the discs..

Family issues r blowing up..mum has been in foul mood lately oso..me & bro hasnt been talking to dad cos we r still pissed & angry for wat happened..but there's nothing much we can do now..gotta take one step at a time..I hav been so bothered by my family issues lately that i m so insensitive..how could i not show any concern when he's feeling so sick..i need to adjust my mentality..cannot let family issues affect my emotions so much that i neglect loved ones feelings..

Read a short article in a mag just nw..find it quite useful..gals, show this to ur man..guys, make a point to read it..

CALM HER DOWN DURING A FIGHT

Even the most harmonious pairs get pissed at each other sometimes.But if u noe how to handle ur gf's emotions during a tiff, u can prevent a full scale screaming match from ensuing. To defuse a blowout, follow this advice.

Don't Try To Hug It Out
So maybe she's overreacting a little, but trying to gloss over the problem by physically engulfing her will juz make it worse. When u try to solve an argument with physical contact only, it seems to her that u arent really listening. So even if u hate hashing things out, the fight will cool down faster if u assess her concerns.

Be The Bigger Person
When u've wrong ur girl, u juz have to come clean..and soon.. Being stubborn will only aggravate the situation. So what if u r innocent? Try this alternative to an apology: "I dint do that intentionally, But now i can see why u took it that way." In some ways, its better than "i'm sorry" which sound like an easy out.

Stay On Point
U noe how it goes: One minute, u r fighting abt whose turn it is to do the dishes, and the next minute, she's harping on how u missed her sister's birthday party..six months ago. When a person feels like they r not being heard or realizes they r wrong, they may dig up old baggage to bolster their point. Focus the conversation on the immediate incident. If she brings up past grievances, say "Wait, can we juz talk abt what happened today?We can discuss the other issue later, but i want to finish this first."

Reassure Her That You Want To Fix It
Often, fights spin out of control when a woman worries the relationship is at stake. That's why u should show her that u care enough abt the union to mend the problem. Rather than juz focusing on what either of u did wrong, tell her that u want to find ways to prevent the same issue from popping up again. It shows u r in it for the long haul.

i m whacked..slept less than 2hrs last nite..dear stayed over at my place last nite..but i was too tired to hear the alarm clock ringing..usually i m the one to get awaken by the alarm sound..but i think due to the late nite i was totally in concuss state..dear woke up late today..late for work..initially i thought he'll get very perturbed by the event..but instead he said its ok ask me to go back to sleep for a little longer..felt so touched..if i were him, i would have already burst into rage & anxiety for being late to work..lately i think he oso notice that i m acting weird..maybe due to the uncertainties & insecurities..i m always in a dazed & self-doubt state..i dun need pple to understand wat i m going thru or how im feeling cos they'll nv noe..i dun need pple to help cos i dun wan to trouble them..but i do need them to be understanding towards my feelings..that i m feeling shitty now..family affairs,work capabilities,self-esteem,money...everything bringin me down..i m thankful that he's understanding..i noe he's stressed up lately over work & stuff and he wasnt feeling too well lately..frequent headaches have been haunting him..but he make a pt to talk to me softly & keep trying to calm my mood whenever i feel low..thanks dearie..*hugs*

Its 2am and i cant get to sleep..i still gotta wake up 6+ in the morning for work but i cant get to sleep!! dearie was already asleep ard 11pm..i juz keep staring at the ceiling..toss & turn in bed but i m still wide awake..izzit bcos tml is my last day of work at VF? am i feeling insecure & uncertain of everything? I m always deprived of sleep but yet now when i can sleep early i juz couldnt fall asleep!! tried to read the papers, watch my favourite HK drama vcds, even took comics fr my brother's rm to read..but my mind is so awake..argh..gonna b a zombie when i go to work tml..

been watching 3 HK serials at the same time recently.."溏心风暴"，"学警出更" & "同事三分亲".. 溏心风暴 is really nice..even both my mum & jaslyn r smitten by the show..the other 2 shows r of normal standard..not really nice..I'll have a one wk break before starting on the new job..so i think i'll spend my time rotting in front of the TV watching the shows..I love HK serials..

I m starting to worry abt the upcoming new job..Its something that i've nv done before..I've absolutely no experience in it..I'm still wondering how come they offered me the post..cos after the interview i had a strong feeling that they wont consider my application cos i've no experience at all..actually i was juz trying my luck when i applied for the post..really wanted a change in life so was browsing thru the jobstreet site for job openings & sent out a few resumes..all called up but i only turned up for the SPE interview cos the date they arranged was only day i can take leave fr work for that week..dint noe much abt the organisation & the post they r offering..wasnt even sure wat the job scopes are..juz went for the interview..actually i find that when i dun giv myself too much pressure i can do fine for interviews..it has been so many yrs since i went for interviews cos i've been working for the current co for more than 3yrs..i was so inconfident of going to the interview..2 ladies interviewed me..they even commented that i m more suitable for a frontline post rather than a deskbound one..so i thought "ok thats it..they r not going to consider me" the whole interview lasted for abt an hr then i left..

after a wk i still did not hear fr them so i assumed that i wasnt going to get that post..so i went ahead for the KL exhibition..on the day when i reached KL, they called..SPE called to tell me that they r offering me the post~OMG i was ecstatic..i thought hopes r infinitesimal so i was losing hope for that post already..i was given til afternoon to consider & gotta come back to them by late noon..i wasnt sure of it cos i m not confident..so i actually msged dear, SY & Rach..all encouraged me to move on in my work..saying tat a change might b gd for me..cos the current job is really bringing me down..but i've been working in SME for the past few yrs..i dunno if i can really adapt to big organization..I juz feel so insecure abt the future..alot pple tells me that its natural for me to feel this way cos i m moving out of my comfort zone to step into another sector..wat i need is some time to get used to the new environment & pple there..but i think i muz b ready for the culture shock..cos i m so used to SME working culture..

I think only time will tell whether i made the right decision of stepping out of the comfort zone..A lot of things i have to try when i m still young..if not, i wont have a chance in future as i m not getting any younger..no matter wat when i m still young with less obligations, i can still afford to fall..I m juz worried whether i can cope & survive in the new job..I noe i m pessimistic in my thinking..I m still trying not to always think in the negative way..Hope i can do that soon..I really need some enthusiasm back in my life..

okay i really need to force myself to go to bed..if not i wont be able to make it in office tml to clear up all my work & do a nice handover to them..I've a hunch tat i m gonna work OT for my last day of work at VF..

*Targets for last day of work*
-to clear all my pending paperwork (invoices,credit notes,delivery orders,non-billing orders,purchase orders,mechandise receipts) to date
-to do all the filings (that freaking BIG stack of papers..argh~)
-to pack & clean up my drawers (i m going to carry alot of stuff back..weighty issue..sob sob)
-not to feel sad or gloomy for leaving (gotta leave with a smile) (",)

I love blogging esp when i m feeling depressed & down in the dumps..esp when i reach a phase that i've no strength to talk or do anything..but sometimes i dun feel like doing anything at all..I dun want to affect pple ard me but i still yearn for their concerns..

I think it might be bcos of pms..or mayb its due to the spate of events that happened at home..i tried to be strong & happy..but the more i tried the more i lose control of myself..I think sadness & disappointments consume alot of energy..I m already crawling in life but something nv seems to want stop stepping on me..Everytime i decided to be strong & carry on in life, everytime i managed to summon a little energy, it'll juz crush me flat..all the constant disappointments in life is nv going to go away, they hurt me to a pt that i no longer bother to feel the pain..can i still hope?

Watched Shrek 3 recently..saw some fairytale characters..i presume that 1 fairytale all of us would rem was Cinderella..At a young age, the majority of us only rem fairy godmothers, prince, happily ever after, blah blah blah..nothing much more than that..but as i grow older, i realized that this childhood story actually has another significance..She went thru so much..When young, lost her parents, wake up everyday to get bullied by the stepmom & stepsisters, wore shabbily, etc..But what kept her going despite all the miseries?I think its hope..Hope gives us optimism & make us look forward in life..It is not something we can see, but what we can feel..well..sound profound isnt it..but i always think that talking is easier than doing..when will my fairy godmother appears and grant me hope in life..

I m really feeling shitty now bcos i was upset alot of times..I noe life will nv be smooth..there r bound to b unhappy moments..I noe trials will make me strong..i rem when i was in my teen yrs i read a quote fr a magazine.."whatever doesnt kill u will only makes u stronger"..left a deep impact in my mind till now..i tried really hard to believe in this quote..i'll always repeat this phrase whenever i feel that i no longer hav the energy to inch forward..I noe alot of times i can only count on myself..but in reality, being optimistic can b difficult..its easier said than done..I noe i've alot pple who care abt me & r willing to help thru the rough times..I m really thankful to them..But the plummeting feeling within me juz get worse..everytime dearie tell me something for my own gd i'll always get very defensive & impatient..i dun mean to make things hard for us..i detest myself for being obstinate..i wish i can make some changes soon...

Actually pple asked me wat do i want in life now..Frankly speaking, i dunno..cos nothing appeals to me right now..For the past few yrs, i keep motivate myself in life to look forward to small events or occasions..be it birthdays, gathering, anniversaries, etc..but everytime when those days passed, i feel even more lost bcos i gotta look for more of all these to carry on again..

I dun feel good now..its awful when i cant cry..sometimes its better not to have too much hopes..cos when good things happens, u feel happier & when disappointments occurs, u somehow expected that..

Alot of times i take things too hard resulting in me hurting myself again n again..i hate confrontations..that's y alot of times i dun voice out, but that doesnt mean that presence signify nil..I can get very sensitive when i feel neglected or unimportant..I bottled up my unhappiness so i wont make other upset..but will pple ard me take this for granted as time pass by?i dunno...

I wish i can be more big-hearted & smart..so i can put myself in others' shoes spare a thought for them & i can make appropriate decisions n judgements myself..I hope that i can stop thinking unnecessarily & start thinking when it is necessary..I hope i can be less stubborn so that i wont always learn things in hurtful means..I hope to appreciate more of wat i have now before its too late..I hope to be more useful, positive & matured..When can i ever reach these goals...

I decided to move on in life..I've been stuck for quite sometime..the 1st step is to change a job & working environment..I should be feeling lighter now..but how come moving ahead makes me feel that i actually forgot where i planned to go..I gotta be ready for the changes & new phase of my life..But somehow, i dunno why..I m pessimistic, despondent, numbed to alot of things..I lost myself..I dunno where i belong..I feel tired..I've qualms abt my existence..I dun understand y i've to face all these shits..How come its always going downhill..Everytime i try to climb an inch up, things will happen n push me down again..They juz worn down my tiny hopes.. I m really really tired..

almost had a misunderstanding wif him..how come i m so sensitive..i cant get to sleep last nite thinking abt the issue to realize this morning that i was juz over-sensitive..argh~y cant i juz ask him instead of starting to think on the bad side..sigh..*backside itchy* =(

went to Vivocity tat nite..brings back memories of the day we spent at sentosa..i muz pin it down in case one day when i m old & senile i still can rem wat happened and savour the memories..ha..it was birthday eve..he pick me up fr my place..dint tell me where he'll b bringing me to..juz kept on driving..in the end realized we were heading towards sentosa..had candlelit dinner at a place near the sea..he arranged the table to b alone outside the restaurant, all by ourselves..but think it was abit dark when nite falls..haha..
after dinner he suggested we go drinking at the lounge nearby to unwind & chillout..then we juz went..open a bottle of wine listening to the liveband singing..when the clock strike 12am,the liveband started singing bday song (i was still telling him "hey,someone here same bday as me eh!!" haha..how come my reaction so slow) while the band were singing,the lounge staff took out a bday cake & a 99-roses bouquet walking towards our table & leave the things in front of me..i was surprised..the place was filled wif claps & cheerings from other patrons..felt as if i am in a movie scene..haha..the feelin so nice..other than smiling i dunno wat other expression i could hav at tat pt of time..
after tat,we left for the carpark after the drink,but he wanted to go to the washroom..suggested go to Rasa Sentosa washroom (cos hotel washroom cleaner hehe) but in the end it was another surprise..he lead me to a room in Rasa Sentosa tat he booked earlier..when he open the room door *voila* it was decorated wif balloons wif my name, pooh bear stuff toy & blanket, candles(even though the lights did not stay..sigh~),etc..i was super surprised..opened my eyes wide, jaws dropped..he & friend (Seah) actually went beforehand to decorate & prepare everything fr the dinner restaurant to the lounge to Rasa-Sentosa..he told me tat pple mistaken him & Seah for gays cos they check in together wif Seah holding a bouquet of flowers..wahahah..i laughed til tears drop uncontrollably..imagine pple giving them weird stares when they were preparing for my surprise..hahah..but later he told me it was all for me then i melted..hehe..stayed there for the nite but early morn he woke me up to c sunrise..
then had a day ard Sentosa to play the games n stuff..i love the luge ride..haha..so fun..after tat i was feeling so hot & sticky keep grumbling say i need to bathe..then another surprise..be already reserved a spa massage session at Sentosa Resort..it was shiok..msg halfway i fell asleep..cos too shiok aromatheraphy massage..wow..enjoyed man..but after everythin i feel so tired..juz wanna sleep..haha..

like wat i mentioned on my previous post..he'll definitely plan something for my off day..picked me up from home & as usual dun wanna tell me where we heading..until i saw PSA then i guessed he was goin Vivocity..brought me to eat Marche..cos i love the food there (but they no longer serve the rosti wif egg =( sob sob~ and the calamari dun taste as nice as the one at Suntec branch..sigh~but the sausage was good.he noes i love Marche so brought me there) after tat went to GV watch movie..then realized tat he actually online booked 2 tickets for GV Gold Class..the tickets quite expensive eh..but the experience was great..the seating was very comfy..can whole person stretch & lay down..seat adjustable..wif blanket on every individual seat..they'll come to ur seat & take ur order for food and drinks..shiok..hahah..

Thanks dear for everything~muacks muacks!

Taken at Vivocity..look as if i have short hair..but i look tired..cos many days not enough sleep le..look so tired..sob sob..but the nite was great with dear..

He was looking at the tickets for GV Gold Class..hehe..
Eating blueberry ice-cream..so cute~
This is 2nd round..OMG~c how much both of us eat..fattening siah..

today is my bday..applied for a day leave to sleep longer at home..woke up late morn to noe that i dun need to go for work is a shiok feeling..hahah..i really needed some rest..pamper myself on my bday to sleep longer..keke.. woke up to see alot smses fr frens..thanks for the greetings..to noe that frens still rem & make the effort to send greetings is a great feeling..

eve before bday eve went over to Jie hse ard afternoon..after banking in some cash for mummy..reach his place juz slack & rot watch TV wif angie & wendy in the living rm..after awhile i went to his room & juz knock out sleeping..took a short nap..woke up ard evening time..his mum cooked dinner..after tat Jie was talking wif his mummy in the dining rm for quite sometime..then angie & wendy pulled me to wendy's rm..both pass me bday presents..angie bought me a bikini (OMG~when can i slim down to fit in the bikini~) wendy gav me a small bear wrapped together wif some self-made stars..they were so sweet..thanks alot..after tat i was even more surprised when both of them actually went to WhiteSands during my nap to buy me a bday cake..i wasnt aware of it at all until they took the cake out..his family sang bday song for me & we had a small cake-cutting session.. ^^ i asked jie whether he was the one who planned it, but he said nope..it was both his sisters idea to buy the cake..felt so touched..keke..finally a sense of belonging to them..initially when me & him started, due to some incidents i think i dint leave a gd impression in his family hearts..but gradually i became closer to them & now i felt the sense of belonging..esp to the 2 sisters..thanks so much for the effort & thoughts..

after the cake-cutting session, jie brought me to KTV..wow i so long time no sing KTV le..i noe he still gotta wake up ard 6am the next morn for work but still he acc me at the KTV til 1am..my hp started beeping wif greetings msgs after 12am..thanks to friends who rem & made the effort to sms me..felt happy & appreciate their thoughts..hehe..
after tat headed back to my hse..i tot my parents were asleep le..but surprisingly they were not..then i realized tat it was him who smsed my mum asking if they could wait up for me come hme..he bought a Winnie the Pooh ice-cream cake (my favourite character) then again had a small cake-cutting session at my place..mum still insist not to b caught by the camera..sigh~she hates taking pictures..when will i get to take pic wif my mummy again..then in the end after clearing up & bathing, it was already 2+am..he waited for me to finish my shower..keep requesting to take 1 of my pillows to hug for the nite (cos i hav 5 pillows on my bed~) keep wanting the one i laying on..but funny thing is i keep flipping the pillows so many times without realising that there was a hidden package underneath..
it was nitetime + i wasnt wearing my specs + i m a blur sotong = i dint see the package at all until abt 3-4mins later..keke..he placed the present underneath my pillow..no wonder keep asking me for my pillows..i was still wondering how come he keep wanting my pillow..he wanted me to find the present myself..keke..so cute..open the package to see an exquisitive keychain..1 side wif winnie the pooh pic & wordings on my name and birthdate, the other side is our pic..it was sweet & nice of him..then he finally buay tahan knock out sleeping..morn ard 6am woke up le..c him so tired bcos of me felt quite bad..still was saying after work pick me up more programs to come..hmmm ask him oso dun wanna say wat..wait bah..but thanks for his efforts..even though he's so so tired still plan to celebrate my bday for me..thanks dearie..

The cake that Angie & Wendy bought..surprise~
Me & Wendy..Sweet Gal..
Me & Angie..Rise of sotong & sotong junior..muacks..
His family & the small cake-cutting session...
Me & Jie..At my place..he look so tired.. *sayang*
The ice-cream cake dear bought for me..i look like a little ger when i saw the pic on the cake..haha..love the cake lots..
Daddy & Daddy's girl..been so so so long since we took a pic together.. =)

I cant resist myself from loving these pics..my baby cousin WeiWei, bring a smile to my face whenever i saw her pics..

I had a gathering of relatives at my place couple of days ago..dunno y she loves my bed..keep on playing on my bed..the top 3 softtoys she fancy: Giant Pooh Bear, Piglet Bolster & Soft Star Pillow..i took a candid shot of her trying to touch her nose wif my pooh bear hahah..so cute..
I LOVE THIS PIC!!!
(pooh bear given to me by Kiat @ Suntec) still rem the paiseh look he had when he held the big bear waiting for me outside the washroom keke..& thanks to wenliang & tuatao for their effort for the pooh bear surprise (^^,)

went to KL for work whole of last week..juz came back not long ago..argh..so tired..the exhibition was draining..its not the mental part its the physical..imagine standing on heels for more than 10hrs everyday..the trip was tiring but fun..in the sense that gettin out of sg..stayed on Seri Pacific Hotel..was juz beside the exhibition hall which was convenient for us..this time round a new colleague, Xin Yi, went wif us..we shared the same room..had quite a no of things in common wif her i realized..every nite juz chit chat til wee hrs hahah..lucky we can click,if not imagine sharing the same room every nite wif someone u cant..

every morn wake up ard 8..take breakfast at the hotel cafe..(i love hotel breakfast!) then head to the exhibition hall..after doing the set up my mind will start to daydream haha..but lucky alot of other exhibitors r familiar faces..we'll walk ard & chat wif one another..easier to pass time..haha..end of the day when we end the show already nitefall..but we'll still go out for dinner & walk ard KL..went to Qi Cheong Street as usual..like sg pasar malam but alot bigger..went to KL Zouk oso..but it was closed on the 1st nite we went..argh..oso went KLCC..but the things there r expensive..duh~everyday reach back hotel after midnite..then sleep for 3-4hrs next morn wake up for work..i think we looked like zombies that few days..the lack of sleep was terrible..but had fun lah..haha..

once in a blue moon to travel & work like this..but i dun think there'll b a next time le..cos i'll b tendering my resignation..will serve the current company til end of June..had enuf of the shits here..been thinking of whether to quit for quite sometime le..finally decided after some talks wif yee..realized tat i'm losing my self-confidence & suffer bad plunge in self-esteem..worse i m gettin lazier & there's no drive in my life nowadays..then realized the crux of the prob is i've been stagnant in the current job for too long liao..everyday doing the same thing..nothin new to learn, no more areas to perform..resulting in me believing that i can only go this far..no further than this..i m so stuck in SME for too long already..no more performing..and the routine of my work is making me lazier & lazier..i dun hav any drive in life & i dun feel like doin anythin..other then going work every morn knock off every evening, i dun find any purpose in life..

so, finally, after a long long time of consideration, i decided to quit fr my current job..mayb will b tryin some other stuff other than admin stuff..should try other stuff when i m still young rite..the fear is stepping out of my comfort zone..imagine i've been leading the same kind of life for the past few yrs liao, stepping out of it needs alot of courage..i dunno if i m doing the right thing of stepping out of the comfort zone..future might b tougher,who noes..i need to pump some energy back into my life..mayb a change of working environment will serve this purpose..it took me a long time & a lot courage to make this decision..

thanks to the few pple who r really supportive..thanks yee for accompanyin me & talking some sense into my head..haha..she really made effort to help me at every means(even though alot times we end up gossiping again haha)..thanks dear for typing my resignation letter for me..haha..(i was so indecisive to the pt that he has to type my letter for me)..actually yee oso offered to type,but dear did it faster..thanks angie for her encouraging sms the nite b4 i tender the letter..thanks wendy for calling me to check whether i've tendered the letter, she's jie's youngest sis who is only in pri sch..she's so young & she rem stuff i said & showed concern..i noe i've been very indecisive..sorry for the nuisance i've caused when i was vexed abt the issue..i oso cannot stand myself at times..thanks for the patience u all had in me..

lately hav been bz clearing the stuff that accumulated when i was in KL..so tired..but i think i'll do a nice handover b4 i leave..dun wanna leave the place looking ugly..so gonna jiayou & work hard..clear as much as i can b4 i leave the company..

(Left)Joan, a taiwanese gal whom we knew at MTA KL 07, (Centre) XinYi, (Right) me! Joan's boss took the pics for us..quite well taken =)



Pic taken at KL exhibition with my colleagues..Kenneth, XinYi & Me


Exhibitors Appreciation Nite..Free flow of beers..Party til wee hrs..

saw this quote from a gd friend's blog..find it interesting..

"If u pick up a starving dog & make him prosperous, he will not bite u..that is the principal difference between a dog and a man"

having very bad monday blues..haha..woke up wif a bad headache..wat a way to start a week..

friday went to WILD bar for dear's fren,Kaijun bday..been quite sometime since i saw him already..ha..again poor bday boy got 'forced' to drink alot..but he's still conscious to go back wif us after the drinking session..but i think Coconut & Tall Guy is half gone..haha..cos we were late & they started drinking 1st..less than 10 pple we finished 4 bottles of Chivas..aiyo..even i was abit high..but still managed to stay sane to leave the place..phew~til nw i still find that Kaijun is a mr nice guy..if not for his age i'll def intro him to my galfrens..gd catch..

sat was at dear's hse til evening when we went over to changi side to his grandma hse for her bday celebration..lucky jie's sisters Angie & Wendy were there..at least got someone to talk to then wont feel bored..after sometime they started playing "dai di" then wif forfeit..me & angie gotta go to the kitchen & get their forfeit food..we were so mean..we took food like pig's trotters,mushroom mixed wif lime & coleslaw,rojak mixed wif mashed potatoes & satay sauce,jelly wif veggie sauce,chicken wing wif coke,sour plum wif mashes potatoes,etc..damn gross..i think all who played will get diarrhoea the next day..hahaha..

sunday woke up early ard 7 in the morning..dear sent me to town to get somethin done til ard lunchtime then dear come fetch me back to his place..but on our way back got into a tiff..sigh..over the same issue..so many times le..i oso sianz on this issue liao..i noe i was wrong for not being caution..but his reaction oso made the whole situation worse..i think i m too tired & frustrated then ended up in a tiff..sigh~very upset..whole day at his place we nv talk..only until at nite went dinner wif his family..he started to help me wif the food to my plate..but still we both dint resume talking..dunno whether his parents noticed anot..i juz kept talking wif wendy & angie..hope his parents dint notice..ha..when we reach hme after sometime he tried to start a conversation wif me to solve the issue..but i think i was stubborn..i juz keep giving attitude & not wanting to talk abt it..then he told me that watever i m doing will not help in the situation,will only make it worse..but still i was obstinate..ended up in a bad quarrel..but after sometime i juz say i dun wanna talk abt anythin anymore juz told him i wan to go hme by myself..think after tat he soften & come pacify me..cos think he dun bear to c me leave on my own back hme..patch things up again after tat..but felt so tired after the quarrel..i m not someone who can take quarrels..to me its an exhaustion to the mind & body..everytime after a quarrel,i'll take very long time to recover even after things r ok..which i dun think is very gd..

oh ya,yee contacted me on sunday..initially i think juz wanna confirm whether i m meeting up wif them for dinner anot..but ended up chatted over the phone for more than half yr..haha..women ah~realized tat both of us hav the same prob..losing confidence in ourselves..we tend to glamourize our past & make ourselves feel bad abt the present..but i think my condition is worse cos my confidence level has taken a plunge to the bottom..i feel tat i m useless & i cant accomplish anything in life..i think i m such a failure..be it any aspects of my life..i wonder how can pick myself up & b more confident..i need help~argh..

finally its friday..alot things happened in office lately..so felt that time pass damn slow..its finally friday..wkend here i come..ha..lately not really happening in my life..everyday morning come to work..suffer 10hrs in office then knock off..not much OT lately..heng ah..then after work will meet dear for dinner.. but lately his fren Dustin & Dustin's gf Hazel will join us..everyday will hav dinner together then head to Gelare for waffles..*sinful diet* haha..think both me & Hazel gained weight after being together wif current beau..ha..saw each other's pics b4 we were wif current guy..so slim~ sigh..

met up wif Hazel b4 the guys came on wed..had a chat wif her at MOS burger..realized tat we r quite alike in terms of how we view relationships..ha..then chatted on alot stuff..some which i dun think we'll even share wif Dustin or Kiat..keke..women's secrets..think both of us gotta try to increase our self-confidence & stop feeling so insecure..heehee..

had a short chat wif mum when i came back today..actually i realized tat my mum seldom nag..which makes her different fr alot mothers i noe..most of them r naggers esp to their children..but somehow my mum doesnt..since i was young i always asked her, "mummy y u dun nag at me or brother de?" she'll juz say, "nag got use meh..ur life is in ur own hands..watever u do b responsible & dun regret..i nag oso no use..u all muz think fr urself..no point forcing.." wow~she's good..keke..mayb bcos my mum seldom nag at me,i m really very willing to talk to her..everytime when i've free time i'll sit down beside her & we'll chat abt everythin under the sun..from my work,my relationship,my frens,tv serials,latest news on papers/tv,gossips,soccer matches(esp on Ars),my brother & dad,my relatives,etc..everythin under the sun..alot of pple r envious..cos i m really close to her..and fr wat i rem,ever since young i nv even raised my voice once at her..super fillial daughter..haha..thats somethin i m very proud of myself..

"MUMMY I LOVE U" even though she wont read my blog..but i juz wanna declare my love for her..thank her for bringing me up & taking care of me..hugs..

oh ya..talk abt nagging..i always feel tat the main reason nagging doesnt work is tat it has the build-in expectations of failure..while naggers hope their words will push their victims into actions,they often expect them to fail or they invite a negative response..the major mistake is the way they approach the problem..some deal wif their problem in small,trivial niggling bits..make feeble,indirect requests tat r heavily laden wif guilt..this kind of nagging is pointless & self-defeating and creates a lose/lose situation..nagging is a sign tat women wants more..

had a chat wif jas lately..i think somehow we r the same type of women..we r brought up in a way believing that we should b nice & sweet and put out own needs & feelings last..we believe its our role to keep the peace,to smooth over problems,to b liked & loved..many women find it difficult to juz come out & say
"i m not happy living like this,,i feel stifled..i wan to take a break fr everythin for few wks to go off by myself & hav some time out.."
its true..we always feel the heavy responsibility to be good & make sure everythin is fine..but jas is tougher,i m the soft one..the similarity is tat we feel obliged to b good & make sure that everyone ard us is happy..should we continue like this or we should make some changes?i oso dunno...

today new driver came in to start work le..but i think he's a fast learner so still ok lah..very fast clear of the document instructions..but i think need longer time to c wat kind of person he really is..

today came straight hme after work..chatted wif dear for a short while on the phone..the moment i hear his voice i started babbling all the stuff tat happened at work today..non-stop..at the end of the conversation he asked me whether got anythin else to tell him anot..i only told him i missed him n take care of himself..after putting down the phone i realized tat thruout the conversation wif him i only keep talking abt my stuff..i dint ask anythin abt how was his day or wat happened for his day..i noe he muz b bored by me keep talking abt my workplace stuff but he dint say anythin..sigh..i should b more sensitive rite..if he keeps talkin abt his work stuff i oso will feel bored de bah..hmmm..i think i should try to b more sensitive..keke..

he has been having bad headaches lately..too heaty i supposed..the whole stretch fr the back of the head to his neck so stiff & aching..last nite i massage for him awhile..used all my strength..after tat he felt better..i can seriously consider to b a massager..haha..he's gonna kill me if he sees this..cos always say tat i can only massage for him..not other pple..ha..traits of MCP.. =P

scary day..came to office to realize that my driver was sacked by my boss yesterday..i wasnt aware of it at all until this morning when i came to work..this is the 3rd person he sacked within 4 mths..OMG~better watch my back before i become next in his list..sigh..i think seeing colleagues keep kanna sacked it demoralize us..sigh..he can juz compensate them one mth salary & ask them to leave on the spot..scary..i m lucky to survive here for almost 3 yrs..boss like hard working staff haha..but i slogged like a cow here wor..kanna backstab somemore..haiz..working society is like tat..wat to do..actually i dun think i m a very ambitious or career-minded person..working for the sake of pay cheque every mth..i wonder i'll stay like tat forever or my mindset will change in a couple of yrs..who knows...

this wk is a long wkend due to good friday..on good friday itself i was at kiat's place..he was sick..flu + sore throat..whole day stayed at hme watchin old HK shows haha..we finshed the happy ghost series! total 5 episodes..we finish in a day..haha..think the 1st episode was shot in 1984..i was only 2yrs old then! how time flies..kiat was very sweet..even though he wasnt feeling well, he still cooked mee sua for me..i think he used the method of my mum..the ikan billies theory..but think he add in some other stuff to make the soup base tasty..i suck in cooking so can only enjoy the food he prepared loh..sigh~i think i need to really learn how to cook..if not will suffer..haha..actually doin nothin juz stayin at hme to watch tv is actually a nice feeling..relaxing & slower pace..

this morning he gotta rush to workplace..sent me back after da baoing breakfast..reach hme wanna sleep after breakfast but the darned neighbour started drilling & drilling again..they hav been like this for the past few yrs..every wkend they'll start drilling dunno wat fr late morn..cant sleep..watch a few dvds that i borrowed fr colleagues..then nap for a short while b4 mummy woke me up to go out & collect the new mail box keys..head is spinning & aching..dint get quanlity & quantity sleep i supposed..when will i ever hav adequate sleep i wonder..sometimes i juz need to sleep w/o being disturbed..full 10hrs of sleep w/o waking up during the sleep..but i think its impossible for a light sleeper like me..the slightest sound can wake me up..

watched a few dvds today.."美女食神", "生日快乐", "Charlottes's Web", "Night in a musuem"..last wk went to watch "Mr Bean's Holiday" & "TMNT"..watch Mr Bean's Holiday on a friday after eating at billy bombers..initially wanna watch at TM but the queue at the cinema was terrible..damn long..i think it was bcos of the promotion thingy's from Ruffles..for each empty Ruffles packet wif the promotion sticker entitles to a $4 rebate at any GV cinema..haha..that explains the long long queues..then in the end we suah to Century Sq for the show..hee..but the show wasnt as gd as i expected (actually i dun really like Mr Bean's shows all along lah ha) but some parts were funny & the little boy in the show was cute..the next day we brought kiat's youngest sister Wendy to TM to watch "TMNT"..lucky this time we were smart..booked the tickets online beforehand..looking at the queue when we reach,we were shaking our heads & lucky we bought the tickets online..hahah..actually TMNT was an anime that i liked alot when i was young..seeing the turtles saving the world..keke..

actually b4 the previous wk i think it has been quite sometime since i watched movie in the cinema..still rem in the past i'll watch every new show showing in the theatres..those were the days..sigh~well things change & lifestyle will change oso..gotta get on in life & cherish every moment i have..

oh ya..the day when we went to Century Sq for the show..me & kiat took a neo-print..been quite sometime we took neo-print together le..haha..somethin embarrassing happened at the neo-print shop..i wont elaborate..but it made me laughed so loud at that pt of time..think kiat felt damn embarrassed..heehee..

this the pic we took

went to the MTA exhibition last wk..from wed~sat..my company taking part in it every yr..trade exhibition to me is boring..cos its all abt machinery,precision,etc..bore me to tears..office paperwork piling up while i m feeling so bored at the exhibition..sigh..everyday reach office 8+ to prepare, go over to expo ard 10+, ends at 6+, come back office & do my paperwork til almost 9+..so tiring..and i think the response of the exhibition wasnt really that gd..not much enquiries..sigh..boss spent almost S$10K on the exhibition yet this is the outcome..i think i m cursed during exhibition..2005 MTA-Singapore i lost my nokia 6680, 2006 MTA-KL my a Motorola V3 was stolen, 2007 MTA-Singapore i lost my hp strap..argh..even the other exhibitors rem me losing my phones..sigh..the feeling was terrible..esp the time when i was in KL & my phone was stolen..not v convenient for me to reach my loved ones..cos no phone in exhibition hall & cant expect me to always borrow phone fr others to make overseas calls..sigh..this yr i tied the hp to the exhibitor's pass..i managed to keep the phone but i lost the strap! argh m i being cursed..

those exhibitors whom i knew last yr were there too..we still rem one another..esp those very funny uncles..haha..lucky they were there..if not even more bored..as it was an industrial trade event, most of the participants were guys..so making me the minority of the gals there..always kanna kajiao..muz bear wif it..cos some r potential customers..argh..funnier part is there's a director wanna intro his son to me..gulp~lotsa happening stuff there..but to me,i juz hope the exhibition will end fast..cos its really tiring..think the accumulative lack of sleep is pulling me down..lately always having a hard time getting out of bed every morning..*yawn*

today dear came to meet me for lunch..went to the yatch club..but so many pple..the food serve so slow..then he keep di siao me say i confirm go back to work late..sigh..lucky i m poise..heehee..think cos i m juz too tired liao..hack care the consequences of coming in late..the most is kanna scold by superiors loh..haha..everyday work til so late eh..but the food quite nice lah..so full & so sleepy..keke..

this morning office "thunderstorm"..driver talk back to manager in quite a harsh manner..then she complained to boss..then all angry..sigh..seems like everyone in the office r unhappy lately..sigh~hope the storm will cool off soon..if not i m in difficult position oso..too tired to meddle in their affairs liao..ha..

had a great wkend..went over to malaysia wif dear..last min decision..fri nite asked me i tot he not serious..but sat confirm liao juz anyhow packed take passport n go..hahah..

ard late morning went into JB..went to Danga Bay for lunch at the restaurant there..the food quite nice..after that went to Kota Tinggi Rainforest resort..the place quite wulu..feels like the days when i lived in kampong when i was young..but the resort condition wasnt that gd..so we decided not to stay overnite at the resort..so we went to the famous watefall near the resort..initially only planning to go juz take a look..but in the end reach there saw the scenery buay tahan..went to buy a set of extra clothings to get into the water..the rocks r slippery n the water is cold..haha..dear dare to go directly under the waterfall but i dun dare haha..i juz stayed at the safe area enjoyin the breeze n water..hee..he's so considerate..so scared n worry i'll slip n fall so keep holding on to me..can feel he really cares..keke..

after that went back to the resort n took a shower..then went to the fireflies forest to c fireflies..oso near to the resort..haha..the fireflies juz stay on the trees..makin the trees like xmas trees..hee..we took a boat ride to c the fireflies lah..cant really get too close to the trees..sigh..but it was nice n sweet..

after the fireflies seeing,took a cab back to JB..ate at taman garden..the food there was GREAT!! til nw i still i'll drool thinkin abt the food there..had a really full dinner..after that went stay overnite at The Zon Hotel..there was a club there beside the hotel..seems happening..but we too tired liao so juz went back n sleep haha..watched tv for awhile b4 sleeping lah..hehe

mornin woke up went to the hotel's cafe for breakfast..the food is quite gd..i always loved hotel's breakfast..alot variety to choose from..after that went to pelangi shop..after that went city sq shop again til both so exhausted shopping..then went to a massage parlour for a full body massage..after that had dinner n went back hme..wif big & small bags hahaha..but i think i was the one keep buying..oops..

reach hme ard 8+ at nite..exhausted..but dear so sweet..dunno y he damn sweet over the last wkend..super sweet..heehee..

dear, thanks for the getaway trip..although its short,but i enjoyed alot..muacks muacks..

been feeling quite restless lately..wats the problem wif me..think i gotta b even stronger to handle the stress from work..if not work will bring me down one day..

i think my mum is happy yet stressed to c him..cos everytime he visit my place he'll buy lotsa nice & fattening food for her..she cant resist the food but she wanna go on diet..dilemma..haha..nw she noes how i feel..y izzit i wanna stay slim yet keep on eating n eating..CBK all ur fault lah..sob sob..keep wanting to make me fat..but i noe its bcos he cares lah..he always wan me to enjoy nice & delicious food..esp after a hard day of work, i noe he juz wan me to enjoy a gd meal..but i m growing fatter..argh~thats the sad part..sob =~(

after the quarrel i think both of us can handle this relationship better..more sensitive towards each other's feelings & more tolerant to accept flaws..i think it takes both to put it effort in a relationship esp in the long run..one sided effort is not enough.. i can c both of us puttin in more effort in it..i noe there'll still b problems in the future, but i believe that if we both put in effort in maintaining, it will work out fine..

wat a monday..fr the min i stepped into office..no break at all til almost 3pm then i had my lunch break..tummy in riots..too bz..the backlog stuff..then best part is when i was on leave last fri, they created a mess for me to clear..haiz..wat to do..the rest dun really noe how to use the software yet..everythin gotta wait for me to come back..juz do bah..

miss my dear alot..last nite watched Ars match til i dozed off..not an interesting match..wonder wat was the full time score..yawn~

i rem i once ask him..wat u like abt me..he juz told me he like me as wat i m..cos i m unique n no one else can b similar to me..(the plus pt is i m his type lah) hahah.. the uniqueness that he mentioned made me feel special..

last wk was real tough for us..the cold war that was resulted fr the quarrel lasted for one full wk..we did not contact at all for the one whole wk..that was terrible rite..plus the stress that i was goin thru at work made everythin worse..

thanks to his pals..Wenliang,KaiJun,Coconut & Joan..kiat is blessed to hav frens like them..fr the 1st nite we quarrelled til the day we patch things up..they r pple who tried all means to help us..

Wenliang-thanks for the console & helping us to break the ice..even though u gotta work next day but still tryin so hard to help me & kiat during the period..thanks again (dun say i m ah gua,cos i really meant wat i said,i really appreciate k)

KaiJun-always the kindest & softest soul of all..thanks for the calls & keepin me informed of wat's happening when i was at dbl O..thanks for the encouragin words n confidence u hav in me & kiat..

Coconut-i noe he was enjoyin himself that nite..but bcos of me & kiat,gotta interupt his fun n call me several times..putting in gd words for kiat haha..

Joan-kiat's gal fren..a sweet lady..called me 1 of the nites ard midnite..tryin so hard to help out in me & kiat patchin things up..in the end ended up chattin abt her relationship woes (gals)..haha..but her call somehow soften my heart..thanks gal..had a great chat over the phone that nite..

well, nw things r fine btw us le..he's even more sweet to me..keke..

been so tired lately..last fri took leave to send bro for his enlistment at tekong..think i m old already..i feel so tired for the 4-hr orientation at tekong..almost fell asleep when their commander was giving a talk at the auditorium..OMG..lucky 2 of my brother's frens in the same bunk as him..at least can take care of one another bah..but my mum been missin him badly since friday..think every mum feels the same when their sons get enlisted bah..

fri nite met up wif shir,zhen they all for ktv at partyworld..been so long since the clique went out for ktv session..we all sang well..hahah..full of laughters..miss the feeling of it..and as usual jinfeng asked me,zhen & yee to find a corner n talk cos the 3 of us too engrossed in chatting neglecting the guys..hahah..

after tat went hme ard 2+..after bathing already 3 le..next day still gotta work..sat leh..sianz..call jie b4 i went to sleep..he still at MOS..the celebration thingy loh..then his frens wun let him leave..sigh..then i went to sleep 1st..

he waited at my office for quite long for me til i knock off..went lunch wif his sisters n mum then went over to his place..but the past wk haven been sleeping well so both juz knocked out..haha..but i rem b4 i nap he whispered some real sweet stuff into my ears..aww~melted my heart..but i was too tired to rem every single thing he said..think gonna ask him abt it again when both of us r fully awake..hahah..

been so stressed up lately at work..everyday working alone til wee hrs in office..hope the backlog stuff can b done by next wk..tml will b on leave to send bro to tekong for his enlistment..lesser time for me to do my work..but no matter wat, my family is more impt than work..hack-care the work part 1st..the most i'll work longer on sat..think i might miss my bro presence at hme after he enlist, but think this is a gd time for him to learn to take care of himself..all along my mum pamper him too much le lah..he muz learn how to take care of himself..if not how to take care of his future wife wor..hahah..

last wk was quite tough..all the shits from work..the quarrel wif him..but keep forcing myself to b strong..while working, received a bouquet of flowers from dearie..it was a surprise..wasnt expecting that..instantly brighten my day..he noe that i'll b working late again last nite but he wasnt available to fetch me fr work..so he booked a cab in advance, asked angie to pass me a letter informin me abt the on-call thingy..after work i had a cab waitin for me right at my office doorstep to bring me home safe n sound..sounds sweet?keke..thanks dear..i appreciate it..

The bouquet that brighten up my day

I am super stressed up lately..the new software is killing me..and i m doing all the backlog all by myself..boss expects me to get everything done by next monday..argh..i cant even cope wif the simpliest stuff..i m still so new to the software..how to managed without any help..made a few mistakes,which made work even more tedious for me..boss unhappy abt it..but pls lah,how to expect a flawless job when everyone is new to the software..the new software is so not user-friendly..i think i was so stressed that i nearly broke down twice in the washroom this wk..but no choice..work has to be done..juz gotta do it no matter how frustrated i feel..n i think i m feeling worse due to the argument wif him..argh..y is everythin seem to be falling apart?

Many times when problems surface, i choose to let them pass me by bcos of the thoughts that things will b better..but i noe no matter how hard i pretend nothing had happened,i cannot avoid the misery..i tried to be happy,i try not to make a mountain out of a molehill..but the more i try the more i lose control of my heart..

Just these few days, my days seemed good..but whenever i wanna go on with this good mood,something will happen & screw up my entire day n mood..i feel wrecked..i m tired of all these feelings..
I wish that everytime i cry, my tears will lessen so one day my tears will dry up & i wun get affected anymore..but during the process, will people around me get numbed to my tears, n wun feel anythin anymore whenever i tear..when will i reach the threshold for pain & sadness..y things hav to happen again n again..

I am weary..Delusion of things juz gonna get better..but reality explained otherwise..For a moment i thought i m going to be fine again, things juz fall apart..do i have the strength to stand up over n over again..The more i tell myself everythin gonna b fine, the more despondent i get..

wonder when will life get better & break free from all the emotional torments..

I think its not perfume..its the smell that i was so used to for yrs..how could i hav forgotten abt that..sigh..in delusion again..

lately i've been working OT practically everyday..sigh..no OT pay somemore..stupid system of the company..should i stay or should i leave..been askin myself this question for quite sometime..but i dun hav an answer to it..the new software sucks big time..it makes work flow slower..shouldnt they choose a software that map into our workflow instead of choosin one that increase the steps to get things done?wonder wat they thinkin..i think this software suits big organizations wif alot staff n depts..not for SMEs like us..we'll need quite sometime to get use to the new software..

i think i've been kpo *slap myself* i went to read her blog..think she still loves him..actually they've broken up for quite sometime by right i shouldnt feel that way..but fr the things she wrote i can feel that she still love him & not able to forget him..he's still in her heart..should i tell him that..i dunno her..but somehow her words on her blog touched my heart..i can feel how sad she is not being able to get him out fr her heart..my fren said that i m stupid..told me this..
"she's his past..they muz hav broken up bcos of their differences which cant b resolved..wat for u feel bothered by how she feels..she's not even ur fren.."

but i juz feel weird to noe that my guy's ex is still feelin so strong for him..how will he feels if he noes abt this now..initial stage he told me that he know his ex still feels for him(his frens told him),but he dun feel anythin for her anymore..she's a past in his life..but y izzit that i still feel so insecure..cos after so long she still loves him alot..i think this is y i m feelin insecure bah..
i noe he treats me well..i can c the efforts he put in this relationship..mayb wat i shall do nw is to b more confident of him & myself..i'll try..i promise...

i think i've been too tired lately..ever since CNY starts..my hrs of sleep everyday is pathetic..feeling quite sick lately..served me right for not getting enuf sleep..ha..

lately been clearing my rm slowly..saw some cards that PY gav me over the yrs..miss her company..those were the days..miss the way she comfort me wif soothing tone,miss the times we met up n gossip at cwp,miss the way she stood up for me whenever things happened..she will always be more angry than me whenever anyone bullied me..haha..i noe things has been tough for her lately..hope that a new yr will mark an end to her unhappy stuff in life..miss her alot..

invited relatives over to my place yesterday..been 'serving tea & pouring water' for the whole day..after that the cleaning up was nitemare..so messy n dirty..best thing is after cleanin up bro bring his frens back hme..more than 10 of them..messed up the place again..but the worst part is they were so high n noisy for the whole nite i cant sleep at all! sigh..nw i m like a zombie..argh..tired still hav to come back to work..*yawn*

saw a fren's blog..well my advice for u is..think abt wat went wrong thru the process instead of dwelling on promises..when the promise was made, she meant it..but thru the process, wat u did has hurt her so much that she decided to giv up..rem,it takes both to make a r/s work..reflect instead of tryin to always put the blame on others..

Hearing problem...
a short story..
A man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem. The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss. Here's what you do," said the Doctor, "stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and s o on until you get a response. "That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens." then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?" No response. So the husband moves to closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, "Honey, what's for dinner?" Still no response. Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, Honey, what's for dinner?" Again he gets no response so; He walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for dinner?" Again there is no response. So he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for dinner?" ...."James, for the FIFTH time I've said, CHICKEN!"
Moral of the story:The problem may not be with the other one as we always think, could be very much within us...!

juz came back not long ago..had a shower..waiting for my hair to dry..so came online to check mails..today(or should i say yesterday cos already past 12am) keke..was 1st day of CNY..dear came over early morn ard 9+ to bai nian..i noe he's tired..but he made the effort..i feel so loved..after he went back i gotta get ready to go grandma place to bai nian..was so rush..i juz anyhow pick a set of clothes n change..keke..today at grandma hse everybody's attention was on baby kaiwei,my baby cousin..she's sooooooo adorable..2nd uncle was telling me that i was as cute when i was young..keke..wonder how true it is..hee

Me with dearest ah yi ah mei & her cutest baby kaiwei... (^^,)

after that ard 6+ went over to jie's place to bai nian..was very very rush..feel so paiseh to let his family wait..sigh..

initially after that dear was planning to bring me go watch my idol movie....but all the tickets were sold out! din thought of that in the 1st place..sigh..nvm..we'll watch it some other time bah..keke..but thanks for his effort though..

after everythin..went over to my buddy jinfeng's place for old buddy gathering..i reach ard 10+ bah..kinda late but at least i made the effort eh..keke..jinfeng cannot always complain me liao har..hahah..played a short while mahjong..then realized that there r some new pple in the clique..feels abit weird..cos old pple seems to b no longer ard & new pple joining in..doesnt feel like the old grp liao eh..sigh..but at least once in a while meet up wif them lah..
had a long chat wif ShuHui at feng's place..realized me & her had alot of things in common..keke..we were so engrossed in our talk that we dint even realized that jinfeng puked..hahah..cannot put 2 women who can click together..can chat til no awareness of the surroundings..we realized we can click quite well..i think we'll jio each other out at cwp for chit chat sessions real soon..keke..

well i think thats abt all for today..i m really tired..but gotta pack & tidy my stuff before i go to sleep..yawn~

post vday blues..i slept for barely 2hrs last nite..i m damn tired today at work..argh..went out for lunch wif my boss n colleagues..the best part is i dozed off a few times in boss car on our way back to office..OMG~i m too tired..they juz keep talkin i juz keep dozin off..lucky there isnt any meetin today,if not i think i'll juz knock out halfway thru the meeting hahah..

yesterday was 14th Feb..vday..applied for halfday leave..but ended up left office only ard 3pm due to some last min stuff cropped up..sigh..wasted few hrs leh..sigh..
met up wif dear ard 3+ outside Peach Garden..made my dear waited..*sorry dear* u noe lah office delay the time letting me off..went to Suntec City..cos he noes i still haven bought any new clothes for CNY..so wanna bring me go shop..tats very sweet..but in the end i only bought a set of casual wear..which i dun think its suitable for CNY..haiz..wat m i gonna wear for this coming new yr =(

after tat went to his company dinner..all my meals for yesterday were super full..i feel so fat..i think my plans of losing weight is thwarted again..i was clearing some old stuff at hme tat nite..found a slip of my previous medical checkup report..i was only 45kgs before i was together wif him!! i cant believe i put on so much weight after being wif him..haha..muz b all the supper sessions & usually he oso keep stuffing food into my mouth..when can i regain the slim slim me..sob..

reach hme super late last nite..ard 2am..after bathin n settling down its ard 3am le..then we were chattin til 4+..wow..i m surprised how come i can tahan til wee hrs..oh ya n the clip thingy..it was fun & exciting..heehee..a secret for me & dear..sshss~keke..this morning almost cant get out of bed for work..hahah..serve me right for sleeping so late..but i think its worth it..had a memorable vday..but think gonna need a few days to replenish the sleep lost le..but CNY in a few days time,think my beauty sleep plan is not possible le..alot of stuff to do for chinese new yr..look forward to the coming CNY (^^,)