This will be my last post on this blog..my new blog is up on wordpress..i really look forward to a brand new start of my life..it's never too late to be who i want to be..better late than never..we can draw lessons from the past, but we cannot live in it..i've been living in the past for too long..

Sometimes, the happiness of most pple we noe is not ruined by great catastrophes or fatal errors, but the repetition of slowly destructive little things..i've been destructive towards myself for the longest time..i seriously believe that this thing call 'failure', is not the falling down, but the staying down..

It's better to light a candle than to curse the darkness..so i am going to take baby steps in a new beginning..if i take care of the moments, the years will take care of themselves..so i need to start doing something..

This blog is filled with too much negativities & burdens that haul me from moving on in life..i've always been living in miseries caused by past hurts which happened long ago..actually we might never be so happy or unhappy as we think..alot depends on our thoughts..i need to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of my will..

I'll keep this blog one side like a pandora's box which shall not be open unless there's really a need..so goodbye here & hello there!

After much considerations i think enough is enough..i had enough of me sinking in depressed mode..i need a fresh start..i need to try..n the 1st step is to discard this blog & start a brand new one..with no history of wat happened past few yrs..this blog is filled with too much unhappiness & negativities..somemore i think blogger has been giving me problems lately..maybe i will switch to wordpress..gonna start doing something soon..

Friends who know me well enough will know where to get the blog site for my new blog when it's ready =)

I hope the new blog will be up by CNY..brand new start~

I dozed off on my sofa last nite without removing my makeup & contact lens! that was how tired i am..what damage will this do to my skin..damn it..

I am thankful to have friends who r willing to keep me company without asking anything..was dragged out yesterday to the chinese physician for my leg injury..physician said that the damage is abit too serious so she need to 放血 around the wound area..i almost fainted when i saw the amount of blood being drained out of the wound..the pain that the process brought was so excruciating that i teared when she was rubbing the wound..need to go for another session next week..gosh can i take it? =~(

Went to the arcade after dinner..wow i had a good time letting it out there..played with the hammering of beavers & i almost destroyed the machine..smacked the beavers so hard to let out my frustrations..played with Daytona too, if only i can drive more in real life..also the basketball hoop, doubt alot pple can challenge me with that game, i am good~ hahah..played a stupid game of drumming but the graphics is sooo cute that i cant resist trying..ended with DDR (how about the physician's advice of resting my leg =P) oops..had a great time even though i felt silly doing all these at this age..hah..

Caught a midnite movie "Toothfairy" as i think i needed a light-hearted comedy at this point of time..The Rock is still as amusing as ever..did made me laughed watching the show..i need more shows from this genre now!

But the moment i reached home i started thinking again..the revolting feeling came again..so i decided to take a short break in the living rm but i ended up dozing off completely..the comical part is my dad also dozed off in the living rm so mum woke up seeing 2 pple on extreme ends of the sofa forming a 'L' shape..ha!

Having the minor symptoms of infection again! think might need to pay a visit to the specialist again soon..the rate of it occuring for the past half yr is a tad too often..i cant take it..everytime i feel it i rather break my leg in exchange to feel better..the physical state plus the emotional state i am in now, i seriously feel like dying (not as in the depart this life die, but rather vanishing somewhere) i dunno how to explain in words..maybe i need a trip away from here..

Suffering from hangover now..plus a splitting headache..drinking myself silly doesnt help much..i cant sleep..i should be going to the chinese physician for my leg injury but i cant get my butt out of the hse..I dunno who can i talk to so here i am..need to let things out..dun ask me what happened..

I dun wan to elaborate on it..all along i roughly knew what was going on then..the qualms were never gone ever since..but when the concrete facts were placed right in front of me, the impact is harsher than what i can handle..when i saw the contents, i died on the spot..i felt thunderstruck..its like an arrow pierced straight thru the heart..my whole chest clenched..its a very disgusting feeling..

Few days are too short for me to put everything behind & be ok..i tried & i am still trying..but is trying alone enough? what if even trying hard wont make everything alright again? i dun feel like waking up cos the moment i am awake, i felt the clench on my chest..how to get rid of this horrendous feel..i wish to juz disappear..feel so weak now..

Took leave on coming monday & tuesday..i am glad i've a long wkend to juz calm myself down..will be bringing my mum out for cny shopping on mon..havent decide on where to go..my mind is not functioning now..

On a happier note, i am watching drama "You're Beautiful" now..the only thing that can bring some smiles to my face..i love the casts in that show..all of them..simply young & full of energy..i want a pig-rabbit too~ hahah..

Was sent to the hospital A&E on monday morning at 4am..had a high fever plus hyperventilation..doctor diagnosed as acute upper respiratory tract infection due to negligence of previous throat infection..so the infection affected the whole airway & caused a high fever..i cant even breathe properly by the time i reached hospital..was on mc for 3days yet my body is still not fully well..never been so sick for a long long time..

I was practically "unconscious" for the first two days..mum told me that i slept thruout..dint even wake up once to drink or eat or even go to the toilet..she had a scare..i think i really frightened my mum out..she really took so good care of me that i felt bad for making her worry..sorry mum =( she was really by my side almost every hour cos i was in a very bad state..despite her arm in pain due to ailment, she massaged my head everyday cos she knows i m in great pain..no one in this world can ever replace what my mama meant to me..
I love my mum..

Tml will be Kururu's last day in office..juz this thought is enough to bring me down..who should i turn to in office when i feel emo in future..no one will be there to share the jokes that only the two of us understand..i dun wan to imagine the days at work after tml..

All these while..there are alot instances that i actually knew the truth behind the deceits..more than anyone expected..I juz chose to overlook them again n again..but i cant comprehend when more occurrences pile up..reaching threshold soon..

Witnessed Rachel & Wilson's wedding solemnization at Grand Hyatt today..Im so happy that they finally tied the knot..been so many years..i get along very well with her good friend Sherald & younger sis Nicole..so today was fun!! helped out with the dolling up of the bride & coordination of the guests..i seriously think that girls are much better coordinators as compared to guys =P

I remember this part when Wilson came into the room to look for some stuff after we finished helping the bride with the do up..so he saw Rachel all dolled up sitting on the bed..he gave a shy & admiring look while saying in a soft voice "wife u look beautiful" can u imagine the awwwww we girls had at that moment? this is so awfully sweet~

During the whole solemnization ceremony, they looked at each other affectionately that everyone in the room can feel the bliss surrounding the couple..i wonder if ever one day i get married, will my groom look into my eyes with the tender loving feel? i almost shed tears when i was listening to Wilson's wedding speech to Rach..this is how it feels when u see close girlfriends going thru the wedding ceremony..the joyfulness is really from the heart..

Took a few quick shots before the ceremony starts..Rach & Juan..

Its a start of a new year..time really flies..welcome 2010!!

I dun remember looking forward to 2009 when i was counting down on the last day of 2008 a year ago..i was too emotionally wrecked then to wish or hope for anything..2009 was considerably better..i did not spend my new year countdown feeling depressed nor in tears, in fact i had quite an enjoyable countdown this year..simple yet fulfilling countdown..i've a good feeling that 2010 will be a better year..be it for me or the people around me..i'll embrace 2010 with smiles & love..happy new year to all my loved ones! =) Live.Love.Laugh.

Last day of 2009..first round of steamboat at Sharon's place..

Second round of BBQ at jie's place watching fireworks..

I am having a week's break from work starting from yesterday..thats the thing i love about my office culture..as its an American company, they value xmas season..so we have official break from 25th Dec all the way till 3rd Jan =D but that is provided we can finish whatever work on hand..i went back to office on monday & managed to finish all my work..so now i m enjoying the one week break..whee~ i deserve this break...

Brought mum out to shop yesterday..bought her a pair of 18k white gold diamond earrings & a black dress for her to wear on cousin's wedding..she'll look stunning on cousin's wedding day =) for myself i bought a black top that can go with my black leggings..shopping makes me happy but i am officially broke now..oops..anyone having lobangs for temp jobs?hahaha..

Won a pair of movie passes at Cathay Cineleisure from company's lucky draw..initially did plan something but seems like the 2 tickets will go to waste as the expiry date for the movie passes is today..was so excited when i got the movie passes a week ago but now juz gotta waste them..

Oh ya mum got herself an iphone at $58!! gosh thats so freaking cheap..she recontract her line at Starhub & use her voucher so managed to get the iphone at such a price..i want a new phone too =~(

Received a flattering remark of me having the aura of a princess *blush* lol..i dunno how true that statement is but i know i'll forever be the princess in my mum's eyes~

This is the first time that i watch program on Channel U in a long long time..all because i recognized the lead cast is my ex classmate!! gosh it is a surprise to see an old friend on tv =)
After that i accompany mum to watch the match btw Arsenal & Aston Villa..Ars won 3-0 so i think my dear mum is in a good mood now..haha..

I had a surprise from him on xmas day..received a call from him around noon while i was still sleeping..dint say much as i was in a blur state from the sleep..juz asked me to call him again when i wake up..called back when i got out of bed after sometime, to realize that he actually came all the way to wdls to buy stuff & waited so he can pick me up to go his place for bbq in the evening..

Had some quiet moments before the bbq starts, so he told me he had stuff to tell me..the short talk & xmas gift came as a surprise..i felt happy but i believed that i was too surprised that i completely dint know how to react..i might have numbed myself too much previously to be reacting in this way..but a part of me is still glad & relieved that he did something..cos i know that given the way my heart has been lately, things might juz head downhill if nothing was done..i appreciate the effort & hope it will be consistent..

I realized i am someone who need to communicate..
I realized i need to feel affection constantly to hold on..
I hope that the closing heart will start opening again...

Had a great time in office today celebrating xmas eve..received a whole lots of gifts..i love the people there..most of us were not in the mood to work as the festive bug already hit us..so the whole of today we were half-working half-having fun in the office..i love to be in this kind of atmosphere as it brings laughters & joy..merry xmas folks!
I love the way Abigail stroked my back to soothe my mood when she sees me stressed with work =)

Shir msged me in the afternoon to ask if i wanna join the gals for the nite..so met the gals at East Coast after work to wait for Beelian who performs as liveband at the cafe to knock off..bought mcdonalds & drove to the beach..we had our countdown eating mac, enjoying the sea breeze & chit chatting..after that head to Davina's house for gift exchange..we were all busy playing with her puppy Baby..Baby is a few months old yorkshire terrier..think Baby likes me cos she kept pounching on me & licking me..i always have this affinity with puppies..i suspect its either i smell like a dog or some dog food =D hahaha..i used to have a dog i loved so much but she died when i was 10 =~( miss my Xiaobai..anyway, while playing with Baby, we cleanly forgotten about the gift exchange until Bee reminded us..oops..anyway i brought back one big bag of gifts home today & there's another bag waiting for me in the office..hahaha..i m so loved~

I realized for the past few years i've not spend any christmas or new year countdowns with him..every other events seemed to supersede me, be it friends gatherings or company events..how can it be possible to not spend any of the countdowns together not even once for several years? i think i might know the answer..i should have knew it long ago..

My heart is not as warm & gentle as it was before..

You might not need certain people or things in life as much as u thought you do.

I am so in love with Park Kahi..how can a woman still be so youthful & full of life at the age of 30..she's the motivation to age gracefully..her physical attributes & the way she carries herself is so captivating that everytime she's on screen i simply cant keep my eyes off her..watching dance clips of After School ladies ignite my passion for dancing..Kahi is simply charismatic~

I dun mean to be a narcissist, but there were a few times today when i saw my reflections in the mirror i actually find myself pretty oops =P

Wanted so much to watch this reality program 心晴大动员2 on channel 8 today but i worked late so missed it..who knows where can i get the clips or the timings of the repeats? really wanted to catch it so much..i love this program when i watched season one..this show teaches us not to take anything we have in life for granted as we own more than alot unfortunate people around us..

Read from the news that Brittany Murphy died yesterday as a result of cardiac arrest..got a shock as she's only 32 years old..how short life can actually be..descend of another hollywood star..

My regular friend every month paying me a visit again..yes cramps..gonna sip some warm drinks & head to bed..not to forget medicine for the stubborn cough..good nite..i have a good feeling that the rain will help me sleep better tonite...

Been sick for the past few days & it doesnt seem to get alot better even though i rested the whole weekend saying no to all outing invites..might want to resort to chinese physician if i m still unwell by the time i finish my prescription..cant really feel myself for the past 2 days owing to the drowsy medication i've been taking..most of the time i feel as if i m in dreamland..even my mum is abit nonchalent about the fact that i m sick & in bed most of the time =(
I need to be taken care of...

Read this from twin's post lately..wanna share it with all my girlfriends..

The difference between Men & Boys

A boy looks good with his shirt off
A man looks good because of the way he looks at you

A boy will smile during the good times
A man will laugh during the bad

A boy goes to work because he has to
A man works because he can

A boy buys a plasma screen television
A man accumulates a library

A boy will hug you in the kitchen
A man will hold your hand anywhere you are together

A boy knows how to load the washing machine
A man knows what doesnt go in the dryer

A boy reads the grocery list you have written
A man will shop it with you, put it away, and cook anything on it

A boy will talk to you about a lousy day
A man will ask you about yours, and listen

A boy will read a to-do list
A man knows what has to be done

A boy will tell you what you want to hear
A man will tell you what he has to say

A boy will share a thought
A man will share his dreams

A boy will tell you he feels good when he is with you
A man will tell you how he feels when he cant be at your side

A boy will share intimate moments with you
A man.....will share his life

Of all times i've to have cravings for Gelare ice cream waffles now when having a bad cough!

Watched "Twilight Saga: New Moon" on fri nite..was abit disappointed with the show..Robert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart looked tired, in fact Taylor Lautner stands out more than the 2 leads..some words in the show are so cliche that i felt tickled..but despite the show being dull, we had a good time making our little jokes out of it..hahah..
If u were Bella, will u choose the vampire or the werewolf?

Spent $50 at the clinic this morning *heartache* the pain was excruciating on the way back home n i still feel the twinge now..but i know i've to go thru it & i'll be juz fine in a few days time..so chose not to whimper about it & take it easy..it actually felt nice to stay positive in grim circumstances =) my happiness depend on me, not others, so i m in control..keep this spirit up~

Relatives came over my place today..my cute little cousin Kaiwei still loves my room as usual..she kept amusing me with the facial expressions she made..hehe..so adorable..
2 other cousins oso came into my room playing around my bed & they accidentally broke my Winnie the Pooh clock =~( i really like that clock cos the colour match the hue of my room..but told myself nvm its juz a clock..i can always get a new one so no point getting upset about it..i've decided to be happy so i will not delay anymore..gotta start training my mind to positive thinking..

Jan & Yong have been into this serial lately..so due to stong recommendation i started watching "Vampire Diaries" today..abit hooked to it..there are alot of shows that i wanted to watch..Grey's Anatomy, Supernatural latest season, CSI NY latest season, Ghost Whisperer, Flash Forward n the list goes on..but i cant seem to find time for them =P

Learn to love whats good for u...

I realized fear is a factor that has been holding me back from living my life to the fullest..my fear nv seemed to abate, n i dun have many moments of peace..when i start thinking about it, i know that i cannot let fear get the best of me..i need to find a way to rid myself of the negativism that prevailed my life..oso need to unlearn the thinkings that had been keeping me prisoner of my own insecurities..no matter what degree of insecurity i m feeling, a part of me know that there is still alot of wonderful stuff within me juz waiting to be let out..

To diminish fears i have to develop more trust in my ability to handle watever comes my way..pushing thru fears is actually less frightening than living with the underlying fears that comes from a feeling of helplessness..i read a quote in this book "u can drop an awful lot of excess baggage if u learn to play with life instead of fighting it" true..i create my own reality..every experience i went thru in my life is a valuable lesson learnt..i believe that everything happens for a reason, even when we r not prudent enough to see it at times..

Positive thinking needs daily practice..we cant deny that there will be pains in our lives, we all experience loss & disappointment..no one is immune..real positive thinking allow tears to shed, yet always knowing we will get to the other side of pain & live a beautiful life..it is nv too late to be wat i wanna be..happiness is not ready made, it comes from our own actions..it is a state of mind..it is a decision..n i decide to be happy =)
Life should be viewed as an adventure rather than a struggle...

The IT pple are doing testing for asruns now & we cant do our work..wonder how long will this testing thingy take..hope it wont be too long..i've stuff to clear..

Think i woke up from the wrong side of bed this morning..i've been having mood swings since i woke up..but i m glad that i feel better the moment i reached office when i start crapping with the rest..sometimes craps in life are antidotes to a crappy day..

My mobile phone is seriously in a bad state..auto shutting down & restarting few times a day..no reception when the phone is on, i had to off the phone take out the batt n restart for the reception to resume..screen light auto on without any reason n it consumes batt span..i need to get a new phone soon..before i smash mine into pieces..

I need new songs for my mp3 player playlist...
Over-analyzing kills life..Happiness is a state of mind which one is in control...

I m so freaking tired..basically can doze off anytime anywhere..yawn~need to do some work so gotta push myself abit not to be too slack..ha..but still i think i need more sleep..

Went Yishun for steamboat..had a really full meal..till now i m feeling bloated..while we were at the restaurant, the radio played a very old chinese song "你知道我在等你吗" & after a few moments i suddenly recalled that this was the song that he asked BoonJoo to sing for me when he was pursuing me few yrs back..muahahahah..now when we think back, it juz felt so amusing..he said he want this as the march-in song for his wedding -_-" i cant stop laughing..this is hilarious..

Need to get a pair of ring-shaped earrings in white gold..lately my right ear has been weird..i cant wear any earrings in silver or plastic..everytime i wear silver or plastic earrings my right ear will get infection & the pain is quite bad..i still love big round ring-shaped earrings so i m gonna find one in white gold soon..i wonder where do they sell the design i like...

Staying late in office today..waiting for SPTL to confirm some issues before i can leave..so came on blogger..shir juz called to ask if i wanna go in JB tml wif Ping & her..cos she has a hotel room as she's helping a fren as wedding planner..so was asking if we r interested to go over shop in the daytime then bunk in at nite..i m still considering..if no other plans tml mayb i will join in..

Yongxin they all decided to open the big lollipop that Celia gave & we took some stupid pics during the process..how silly can we get =D

HR requested for my grandma death cert for them to process my compassionate leave..i've no choice but to check with my dad for it..felt so bad when i spoke to him..its like asking him for his mum death cert!! get my drift?? argh..finally he felt more settled about her death & now his daughter has to tear open his healing wound to remind him about it..he's still nice & help me with getting the cert from my uncle which made me feel even worse..other than keeping on apologising & saying thanks i dunno wat else i should do..thanks daddy..

I used up my eyeliner..need to get a new one real soon..but there are no M.A.C counters anywhere nearby..all of their counters are in town area =(
Certain shows elicit appalling emotions..shall not continue watching...

Received an sms from Rachel this morning:
"Juan..wilson proposed to me..i dun think i want wedding dinner..but if ROM tea i want ask u be there k :) without u, me and wilson will not be together..hugs"

I feel happy for her..she's one of the frens whom i sincerely hope to see happy n blissful..they went thru alot of things n years together..so i m sure they now cherish each other n Wilson will love & dote on her..Rach & me met each other in our early 20s when we were young, impulsive n wilful..we clicked the first time we met & went thru a number of episodes together..time really flies~
Its a miraculous feeling seeing us changing from partying endlessly to settling down.. growing up is really a bizarre thing..how our mentality change as we grow..glad that we've matured thru the years & now my dear fren is going to start a family of her own entering a new chapter in life..
Rach be happy & blissful ever after =D congrats!!
肯许下如此大的承诺，将自己的一生交托给另一个人，是伟大的...

Dug out the books that i shoved aside for quite sometime..the bookmark that Jan gave educed the urge to start reading again..i used to have such a good habit but i always toss this habit aside whenever there are unhappy things in my life..actually reading helps to grow one's knowledge & divert attention from unnecessary thinking..shall start reading again =)

Today when i was at the mrt station, i saw a very old couple..guessed they r in their 70s..the grandpa was holding the granny's hand thru the whole journey they walked..the granny seemed abit blur due to old age but the grandpa was v gentle while talkin to her..the granny insisted on walking a certain direction which i think is not the way they wanna go, but the grandpa was really patient to lead her the right way..thru the whole time, he did not let go of her hand..when i saw this scenario, i smiled to myself..how sweet & fortunate it can be when there's someone there holding ur hand to walk the remaining journey when u r old & fragile..when ur parents will no longer be around & most probably ur children r busy with their own lives, ur partner is the one who stays with u til the end...

Been working OTs almost whole of last week due to premiere of the show "Cyril: Simply Magic"..been so stressed up cos its an A+ tv event of the year..but i m glad we pulled it thru the premiere & the rating was fantastic..it was the No.1 rated English program on Starhub & Astro during that time slot n surpassed Ch U and CNA among cable audience..the whole start of the campaign had been tedious for us & initially i was feeling super stressed doing the premiere log for East Asia (i wonder y izzit i always get the logs with premiering shows hah) but i think i did a good job =) *proud* hope the rest of the episodes will do well too..

My dad was very funny..called on fri nite to see if i wan any supper..but i juz knock off not even had my dinner let alone supper..i juz casually joked that i wan beef horfun from Geylang & he really got it for me! omg..but the prob was he forgot to ask the uncle not to add chilli (i cant take hot stuff at all) but seeing his effort i juz forced 3/4 of the box down my throat & i had diarrhoea for almost whole of saturday..everytime i eat spicy food my tummy goes on a riot..sigh...

I m seriously pms-ing now..feel super lethargic even though i slept early last nite..cramps from the moment i woke up n its not getting any better..nausea due to gastric issues that i always have before that time of the mth..a little cranky cos i feel irritable by minor things..i think gals will understand how i feel right now..been hugging my tummy since morning, juz hope the cramps dun get worse..but its ok..i'll start feeling better in few days time..

Jan got me a bookmark from Times when she went shopping yesterday..so cute~ i shall continue reading the books that i've put aside for sometime..been so busy lately i've not read in awhile..
The difficulties we experienced always illuminate the lessons we need most...

Met up with Shir couple of days ago for drinks to celebrate her bday in advance..so ended up at Rouge Outdoor having alot fattening food + beers for the nite..hahahah..beer makes us happy~

6 of us went to msia on sat..stayed overnite at a resort named Sebana near Desaru..super isolated place..but i think due to certain reason i enjoyed even though there wasnt any prior good planning..havent been having enuf sleep since last mon cos of that issue..i can feel myself at a almost dozed off state everyday..i need undisturbed sleep...

I've been having problems uploading photos on FB lately..wonder wat happened..anyway, had a very sinful feast in office last fri for Foo's bday celebration..here are some of the pics..

p/s: I dun really like the feeling of minimal contact =( how should i soothe this mood...

Sometimes i wonder..how much can i go to be understanding..i hope i can persevere..i really hope i can..its really not easy..need effort & determination to keep it going..
I realized there r times that i'll be disheartened & feel tired that i dun feel like compromising anymore

Its been so long since i planned for birthday..i hope it was relaxing & enjoyable =) Scarlet is nice & cosy..i seriously hope to have more time like last nite..wish there are more photos..n i think i look pretty yesterday =P hahah..perhaps i should dress up more..ha!
Surprised by the 2 Pooh cushions, really happy to get them..been so long~

A friend commented an actress by the name of Season in "Poker King" reminds of me..went to find out who she is & its actually 应采儿 whom i think is pretty..i take that as a compliment le..lol =)

A conversation that cheered up my day =)

Him: can u morning call me tml? i cant seem to wake up in time lately when u r not around.
Her: haha ok..so i've another 用处 as an alarm clock (jokingly)
Him: 你不是拿来用的，是拿来疼的!
Her: Smiling in silence.....

Found this photo that i took few days back in my phone..been so long since i tied up my hair =P

Grandma passed away last sat..i was feeling sick..infection plus down with a fever so headed to the clinic around evening time..my mum called to break the news when i was waiting for the doctor asking me to go back home asap..rushed home after the consultation..wake was at my hse void deck..been so busy & tired these few days..but appreciate that alot of frens dropped by even though i dint inform alot pple about it..my body is falling apart..signs of me falling very sick soon =( i wish i can be healthier..

Quarrelled with bro yesterday bcos of mum but in the end me & mum not talking..sigh..he broke her heart, she broke mine..sometimes i think i need to train my heart to be stronger to take all these..luckily he came over around dinner time to acc me til 10+..cos he saw i wasnt really in a good state & i really needed company so he stayed til quite late bah..think i was very cranky cos i was feeling sick plus not enuf sleep..

Reached office this morning saw a wrapped packet on my desk..attached with a note saying "To my 亲爱的lao popo, I love u..muacks muacks muacks!" It was 2 bottles of chicken essence from Ah Ching..cos she noe i m drained & tired..hahahah so sweet of her =)

Took leave to enjoy the long weekend since i still have a few days of leave to clear..going back to work tml but ever since i noe about that issue regarding her, office dun feel like home anymore..sigh..how to get motivated to go work..this is the 1st time i felt this way about work ever since i joined the company..i never dread going to work up till now..his decision to prove his worth wrecked the whole dept's morale..

My brother is very funny..he came into my room juz to show me a link about a bear..its so kelian & adorable that i posted in on FB to share..hahaha..too cute to be ignored..awww..

Jan intro me a variety show "Wild Bunny" featuring 2PM..i had a good laugh at the show & i think i've not laughed that loud ever since EHB of Super Junior..esp the part where they did a parody mtv on Brown Eyed Girls [Abracadabra]..they named themselves as Dirty Eyed Girls LOL..I totally lost it..Jokwon is extremely funny!! the impact was so huge that i keep having the images of that parody in my head hahahah..i cant stop laughing, even my mum commented that she's going to send me to Institute of Mental Health at the rate i m going =P sometimes we juz need this in life to lighten things up isnt it.. *wink*

He stuffed the things he bought for me from his trip into the pillow case that i m sleeping on & pretended nothing had happened..but i was so oblivious about it till after some time he had to hint that something was pressing against his arm under the pillow =D hahah..that was so sweet & funny..but i appreciated it alot..keke..yeah pressies~ hahahah..

I love my new toy..even though i m broke after making such a purchase, its worth it.. =)

"ok..dunt think too much..any problem i will be with you de.."
That was what pulled me thru a tough weekend..

Visited my grandma in the hospital..when we reached, the nurse was changing the dressings for her wounds..i saw her covered with needles & tubes all over..her body filled with sores & leisions..part of her skin were teared to a point that i can see her flesh..she was unconscious but her eyes kept twitching when we were calling her..my uncle said that she might want to open her eyes to see us but she could not..my heart clenched like nobody's business upon hearing that..eyes became watery but tried hard to control not to let the tears flow out..
At a point when the nurse was trying to shift her, the life support system was accidentally disconnected..for that few secs i can hear the sound of her breathing turned weird..it's a horrid feeling to see her in such agony =~(

Dad & uncles were discussing about her condition..n somehow talked about the funeral & stuff..listening to things like that really felt heavy & helpless..but from what the doctor said, it could be anytime soon..so they r juz mentally prepared..i think i m not good at handling death issue, especially when it involves family..

On our way back from the hospital, me & bro actually had some talk..about his work & relationship..he actually opened up telling me how he feels..was surprised cos my bro is not someone who'll share his stuff with the family..i told him how i felt & my views towards the issues..he seemed to listen & concur to what i said..i hope those words really got into his mind.. we should talk more hahaha..

Peiyun called to ask if wanna meet up to have coffee together so i headed to Yishun to meet..dint stay out too late as i was very tired..was worried about my grandma issue oso..my brother did a very sweet thing..he offered to come Yishun to pick me up even though he was already back home lazing in his room =)