I love blogging esp when i m feeling depressed & down in the dumps..esp when i reach a phase that i've no strength to talk or do anything..but sometimes i dun feel like doing anything at all..I dun want to affect pple ard me but i still yearn for their concerns..

I think it might be bcos of pms..or mayb its due to the spate of events that happened at home..i tried to be strong & happy..but the more i tried the more i lose control of myself..I think sadness & disappointments consume alot of energy..I m already crawling in life but something nv seems to want stop stepping on me..Everytime i decided to be strong & carry on in life, everytime i managed to summon a little energy, it'll juz crush me flat..all the constant disappointments in life is nv going to go away, they hurt me to a pt that i no longer bother to feel the pain..can i still hope?

Watched Shrek 3 recently..saw some fairytale characters..i presume that 1 fairytale all of us would rem was Cinderella..At a young age, the majority of us only rem fairy godmothers, prince, happily ever after, blah blah blah..nothing much more than that..but as i grow older, i realized that this childhood story actually has another significance..She went thru so much..When young, lost her parents, wake up everyday to get bullied by the stepmom & stepsisters, wore shabbily, etc..But what kept her going despite all the miseries?I think its hope..Hope gives us optimism & make us look forward in life..It is not something we can see, but what we can feel..well..sound profound isnt it..but i always think that talking is easier than doing..when will my fairy godmother appears and grant me hope in life..

I m really feeling shitty now bcos i was upset alot of times..I noe life will nv be smooth..there r bound to b unhappy moments..I noe trials will make me strong..i rem when i was in my teen yrs i read a quote fr a magazine.."whatever doesnt kill u will only makes u stronger"..left a deep impact in my mind till now..i tried really hard to believe in this quote..i'll always repeat this phrase whenever i feel that i no longer hav the energy to inch forward..I noe alot of times i can only count on myself..but in reality, being optimistic can b difficult..its easier said than done..I noe i've alot pple who care abt me & r willing to help thru the rough times..I m really thankful to them..But the plummeting feeling within me juz get worse..everytime dearie tell me something for my own gd i'll always get very defensive & impatient..i dun mean to make things hard for us..i detest myself for being obstinate..i wish i can make some changes soon...

Actually pple asked me wat do i want in life now..Frankly speaking, i dunno..cos nothing appeals to me right now..For the past few yrs, i keep motivate myself in life to look forward to small events or occasions..be it birthdays, gathering, anniversaries, etc..but everytime when those days passed, i feel even more lost bcos i gotta look for more of all these to carry on again..

I dun feel good now..its awful when i cant cry..sometimes its better not to have too much hopes..cos when good things happens, u feel happier & when disappointments occurs, u somehow expected that..

Alot of times i take things too hard resulting in me hurting myself again n again..i hate confrontations..that's y alot of times i dun voice out, but that doesnt mean that presence signify nil..I can get very sensitive when i feel neglected or unimportant..I bottled up my unhappiness so i wont make other upset..but will pple ard me take this for granted as time pass by?i dunno...

I wish i can be more big-hearted & smart..so i can put myself in others' shoes spare a thought for them & i can make appropriate decisions n judgements myself..I hope that i can stop thinking unnecessarily & start thinking when it is necessary..I hope i can be less stubborn so that i wont always learn things in hurtful means..I hope to appreciate more of wat i have now before its too late..I hope to be more useful, positive & matured..When can i ever reach these goals...

I decided to move on in life..I've been stuck for quite sometime..the 1st step is to change a job & working environment..I should be feeling lighter now..but how come moving ahead makes me feel that i actually forgot where i planned to go..I gotta be ready for the changes & new phase of my life..But somehow, i dunno why..I m pessimistic, despondent, numbed to alot of things..I lost myself..I dunno where i belong..I feel tired..I've qualms abt my existence..I dun understand y i've to face all these shits..How come its always going downhill..Everytime i try to climb an inch up, things will happen n push me down again..They juz worn down my tiny hopes.. I m really really tired..