Its 2am and i cant get to sleep..i still gotta wake up 6+ in the morning for work but i cant get to sleep!! dearie was already asleep ard 11pm..i juz keep staring at the ceiling..toss & turn in bed but i m still wide awake..izzit bcos tml is my last day of work at VF? am i feeling insecure & uncertain of everything? I m always deprived of sleep but yet now when i can sleep early i juz couldnt fall asleep!! tried to read the papers, watch my favourite HK drama vcds, even took comics fr my brother's rm to read..but my mind is so awake..argh..gonna b a zombie when i go to work tml..

been watching 3 HK serials at the same time recently.."溏心风暴"，"学警出更" & "同事三分亲".. 溏心风暴 is really nice..even both my mum & jaslyn r smitten by the show..the other 2 shows r of normal standard..not really nice..I'll have a one wk break before starting on the new job..so i think i'll spend my time rotting in front of the TV watching the shows..I love HK serials..

I m starting to worry abt the upcoming new job..Its something that i've nv done before..I've absolutely no experience in it..I'm still wondering how come they offered me the post..cos after the interview i had a strong feeling that they wont consider my application cos i've no experience at all..actually i was juz trying my luck when i applied for the post..really wanted a change in life so was browsing thru the jobstreet site for job openings & sent out a few resumes..all called up but i only turned up for the SPE interview cos the date they arranged was only day i can take leave fr work for that week..dint noe much abt the organisation & the post they r offering..wasnt even sure wat the job scopes are..juz went for the interview..actually i find that when i dun giv myself too much pressure i can do fine for interviews..it has been so many yrs since i went for interviews cos i've been working for the current co for more than 3yrs..i was so inconfident of going to the interview..2 ladies interviewed me..they even commented that i m more suitable for a frontline post rather than a deskbound one..so i thought "ok thats it..they r not going to consider me" the whole interview lasted for abt an hr then i left..

after a wk i still did not hear fr them so i assumed that i wasnt going to get that post..so i went ahead for the KL exhibition..on the day when i reached KL, they called..SPE called to tell me that they r offering me the post~OMG i was ecstatic..i thought hopes r infinitesimal so i was losing hope for that post already..i was given til afternoon to consider & gotta come back to them by late noon..i wasnt sure of it cos i m not confident..so i actually msged dear, SY & Rach..all encouraged me to move on in my work..saying tat a change might b gd for me..cos the current job is really bringing me down..but i've been working in SME for the past few yrs..i dunno if i can really adapt to big organization..I juz feel so insecure abt the future..alot pple tells me that its natural for me to feel this way cos i m moving out of my comfort zone to step into another sector..wat i need is some time to get used to the new environment & pple there..but i think i muz b ready for the culture shock..cos i m so used to SME working culture..

I think only time will tell whether i made the right decision of stepping out of the comfort zone..A lot of things i have to try when i m still young..if not, i wont have a chance in future as i m not getting any younger..no matter wat when i m still young with less obligations, i can still afford to fall..I m juz worried whether i can cope & survive in the new job..I noe i m pessimistic in my thinking..I m still trying not to always think in the negative way..Hope i can do that soon..I really need some enthusiasm back in my life..

okay i really need to force myself to go to bed..if not i wont be able to make it in office tml to clear up all my work & do a nice handover to them..I've a hunch tat i m gonna work OT for my last day of work at VF..

*Targets for last day of work*
-to clear all my pending paperwork (invoices,credit notes,delivery orders,non-billing orders,purchase orders,mechandise receipts) to date
-to do all the filings (that freaking BIG stack of papers..argh~)
-to pack & clean up my drawers (i m going to carry alot of stuff back..weighty issue..sob sob)
-not to feel sad or gloomy for leaving (gotta leave with a smile) (",)