I am having a week's break from work starting from yesterday..thats the thing i love about my office culture..as its an American company, they value xmas season..so we have official break from 25th Dec all the way till 3rd Jan =D but that is provided we can finish whatever work on hand..i went back to office on monday & managed to finish all my work..so now i m enjoying the one week break..whee~ i deserve this break...

Brought mum out to shop yesterday..bought her a pair of 18k white gold diamond earrings & a black dress for her to wear on cousin's wedding..she'll look stunning on cousin's wedding day =) for myself i bought a black top that can go with my black leggings..shopping makes me happy but i am officially broke now..oops..anyone having lobangs for temp jobs?hahaha..

Won a pair of movie passes at Cathay Cineleisure from company's lucky draw..initially did plan something but seems like the 2 tickets will go to waste as the expiry date for the movie passes is today..was so excited when i got the movie passes a week ago but now juz gotta waste them..

Oh ya mum got herself an iphone at $58!! gosh thats so freaking cheap..she recontract her line at Starhub & use her voucher so managed to get the iphone at such a price..i want a new phone too =~(

Received a flattering remark of me having the aura of a princess *blush* lol..i dunno how true that statement is but i know i'll forever be the princess in my mum's eyes~

This is the first time that i watch program on Channel U in a long long time..all because i recognized the lead cast is my ex classmate!! gosh it is a surprise to see an old friend on tv =)
After that i accompany mum to watch the match btw Arsenal & Aston Villa..Ars won 3-0 so i think my dear mum is in a good mood now..haha..

I had a surprise from him on xmas day..received a call from him around noon while i was still sleeping..dint say much as i was in a blur state from the sleep..juz asked me to call him again when i wake up..called back when i got out of bed after sometime, to realize that he actually came all the way to wdls to buy stuff & waited so he can pick me up to go his place for bbq in the evening..

Had some quiet moments before the bbq starts, so he told me he had stuff to tell me..the short talk & xmas gift came as a surprise..i felt happy but i believed that i was too surprised that i completely dint know how to react..i might have numbed myself too much previously to be reacting in this way..but a part of me is still glad & relieved that he did something..cos i know that given the way my heart has been lately, things might juz head downhill if nothing was done..i appreciate the effort & hope it will be consistent..

I realized i am someone who need to communicate..
I realized i need to feel affection constantly to hold on..
I hope that the closing heart will start opening again...

Had a great time in office today celebrating xmas eve..received a whole lots of gifts..i love the people there..most of us were not in the mood to work as the festive bug already hit us..so the whole of today we were half-working half-having fun in the office..i love to be in this kind of atmosphere as it brings laughters & joy..merry xmas folks!
I love the way Abigail stroked my back to soothe my mood when she sees me stressed with work =)

Shir msged me in the afternoon to ask if i wanna join the gals for the nite..so met the gals at East Coast after work to wait for Beelian who performs as liveband at the cafe to knock off..bought mcdonalds & drove to the beach..we had our countdown eating mac, enjoying the sea breeze & chit chatting..after that head to Davina's house for gift exchange..we were all busy playing with her puppy Baby..Baby is a few months old yorkshire terrier..think Baby likes me cos she kept pounching on me & licking me..i always have this affinity with puppies..i suspect its either i smell like a dog or some dog food =D hahaha..i used to have a dog i loved so much but she died when i was 10 =~( miss my Xiaobai..anyway, while playing with Baby, we cleanly forgotten about the gift exchange until Bee reminded us..oops..anyway i brought back one big bag of gifts home today & there's another bag waiting for me in the office..hahaha..i m so loved~

I realized for the past few years i've not spend any christmas or new year countdowns with him..every other events seemed to supersede me, be it friends gatherings or company events..how can it be possible to not spend any of the countdowns together not even once for several years? i think i might know the answer..i should have knew it long ago..

My heart is not as warm & gentle as it was before..

You might not need certain people or things in life as much as u thought you do.

I am so in love with Park Kahi..how can a woman still be so youthful & full of life at the age of 30..she's the motivation to age gracefully..her physical attributes & the way she carries herself is so captivating that everytime she's on screen i simply cant keep my eyes off her..watching dance clips of After School ladies ignite my passion for dancing..Kahi is simply charismatic~

I dun mean to be a narcissist, but there were a few times today when i saw my reflections in the mirror i actually find myself pretty oops =P

Wanted so much to watch this reality program 心晴大动员2 on channel 8 today but i worked late so missed it..who knows where can i get the clips or the timings of the repeats? really wanted to catch it so much..i love this program when i watched season one..this show teaches us not to take anything we have in life for granted as we own more than alot unfortunate people around us..

Read from the news that Brittany Murphy died yesterday as a result of cardiac arrest..got a shock as she's only 32 years old..how short life can actually be..descend of another hollywood star..

My regular friend every month paying me a visit again..yes cramps..gonna sip some warm drinks & head to bed..not to forget medicine for the stubborn cough..good nite..i have a good feeling that the rain will help me sleep better tonite...

Been sick for the past few days & it doesnt seem to get alot better even though i rested the whole weekend saying no to all outing invites..might want to resort to chinese physician if i m still unwell by the time i finish my prescription..cant really feel myself for the past 2 days owing to the drowsy medication i've been taking..most of the time i feel as if i m in dreamland..even my mum is abit nonchalent about the fact that i m sick & in bed most of the time =(
I need to be taken care of...

Read this from twin's post lately..wanna share it with all my girlfriends..

The difference between Men & Boys

A boy looks good with his shirt off
A man looks good because of the way he looks at you

A boy will smile during the good times
A man will laugh during the bad

A boy goes to work because he has to
A man works because he can

A boy buys a plasma screen television
A man accumulates a library

A boy will hug you in the kitchen
A man will hold your hand anywhere you are together

A boy knows how to load the washing machine
A man knows what doesnt go in the dryer

A boy reads the grocery list you have written
A man will shop it with you, put it away, and cook anything on it

A boy will talk to you about a lousy day
A man will ask you about yours, and listen

A boy will read a to-do list
A man knows what has to be done

A boy will tell you what you want to hear
A man will tell you what he has to say

A boy will share a thought
A man will share his dreams

A boy will tell you he feels good when he is with you
A man will tell you how he feels when he cant be at your side

A boy will share intimate moments with you
A man.....will share his life

Of all times i've to have cravings for Gelare ice cream waffles now when having a bad cough!

Watched "Twilight Saga: New Moon" on fri nite..was abit disappointed with the show..Robert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart looked tired, in fact Taylor Lautner stands out more than the 2 leads..some words in the show are so cliche that i felt tickled..but despite the show being dull, we had a good time making our little jokes out of it..hahah..
If u were Bella, will u choose the vampire or the werewolf?

Spent $50 at the clinic this morning *heartache* the pain was excruciating on the way back home n i still feel the twinge now..but i know i've to go thru it & i'll be juz fine in a few days time..so chose not to whimper about it & take it easy..it actually felt nice to stay positive in grim circumstances =) my happiness depend on me, not others, so i m in control..keep this spirit up~

Relatives came over my place today..my cute little cousin Kaiwei still loves my room as usual..she kept amusing me with the facial expressions she made..hehe..so adorable..
2 other cousins oso came into my room playing around my bed & they accidentally broke my Winnie the Pooh clock =~( i really like that clock cos the colour match the hue of my room..but told myself nvm its juz a clock..i can always get a new one so no point getting upset about it..i've decided to be happy so i will not delay anymore..gotta start training my mind to positive thinking..

Jan & Yong have been into this serial lately..so due to stong recommendation i started watching "Vampire Diaries" today..abit hooked to it..there are alot of shows that i wanted to watch..Grey's Anatomy, Supernatural latest season, CSI NY latest season, Ghost Whisperer, Flash Forward n the list goes on..but i cant seem to find time for them =P

Learn to love whats good for u...

I realized fear is a factor that has been holding me back from living my life to the fullest..my fear nv seemed to abate, n i dun have many moments of peace..when i start thinking about it, i know that i cannot let fear get the best of me..i need to find a way to rid myself of the negativism that prevailed my life..oso need to unlearn the thinkings that had been keeping me prisoner of my own insecurities..no matter what degree of insecurity i m feeling, a part of me know that there is still alot of wonderful stuff within me juz waiting to be let out..

To diminish fears i have to develop more trust in my ability to handle watever comes my way..pushing thru fears is actually less frightening than living with the underlying fears that comes from a feeling of helplessness..i read a quote in this book "u can drop an awful lot of excess baggage if u learn to play with life instead of fighting it" true..i create my own reality..every experience i went thru in my life is a valuable lesson learnt..i believe that everything happens for a reason, even when we r not prudent enough to see it at times..

Positive thinking needs daily practice..we cant deny that there will be pains in our lives, we all experience loss & disappointment..no one is immune..real positive thinking allow tears to shed, yet always knowing we will get to the other side of pain & live a beautiful life..it is nv too late to be wat i wanna be..happiness is not ready made, it comes from our own actions..it is a state of mind..it is a decision..n i decide to be happy =)
Life should be viewed as an adventure rather than a struggle...

The IT pple are doing testing for asruns now & we cant do our work..wonder how long will this testing thingy take..hope it wont be too long..i've stuff to clear..

Think i woke up from the wrong side of bed this morning..i've been having mood swings since i woke up..but i m glad that i feel better the moment i reached office when i start crapping with the rest..sometimes craps in life are antidotes to a crappy day..

My mobile phone is seriously in a bad state..auto shutting down & restarting few times a day..no reception when the phone is on, i had to off the phone take out the batt n restart for the reception to resume..screen light auto on without any reason n it consumes batt span..i need to get a new phone soon..before i smash mine into pieces..

I need new songs for my mp3 player playlist...
Over-analyzing kills life..Happiness is a state of mind which one is in control...

I m so freaking tired..basically can doze off anytime anywhere..yawn~need to do some work so gotta push myself abit not to be too slack..ha..but still i think i need more sleep..

Went Yishun for steamboat..had a really full meal..till now i m feeling bloated..while we were at the restaurant, the radio played a very old chinese song "你知道我在等你吗" & after a few moments i suddenly recalled that this was the song that he asked BoonJoo to sing for me when he was pursuing me few yrs back..muahahahah..now when we think back, it juz felt so amusing..he said he want this as the march-in song for his wedding -_-" i cant stop laughing..this is hilarious..

Need to get a pair of ring-shaped earrings in white gold..lately my right ear has been weird..i cant wear any earrings in silver or plastic..everytime i wear silver or plastic earrings my right ear will get infection & the pain is quite bad..i still love big round ring-shaped earrings so i m gonna find one in white gold soon..i wonder where do they sell the design i like...

Staying late in office today..waiting for SPTL to confirm some issues before i can leave..so came on blogger..shir juz called to ask if i wanna go in JB tml wif Ping & her..cos she has a hotel room as she's helping a fren as wedding planner..so was asking if we r interested to go over shop in the daytime then bunk in at nite..i m still considering..if no other plans tml mayb i will join in..

Yongxin they all decided to open the big lollipop that Celia gave & we took some stupid pics during the process..how silly can we get =D

HR requested for my grandma death cert for them to process my compassionate leave..i've no choice but to check with my dad for it..felt so bad when i spoke to him..its like asking him for his mum death cert!! get my drift?? argh..finally he felt more settled about her death & now his daughter has to tear open his healing wound to remind him about it..he's still nice & help me with getting the cert from my uncle which made me feel even worse..other than keeping on apologising & saying thanks i dunno wat else i should do..thanks daddy..

I used up my eyeliner..need to get a new one real soon..but there are no M.A.C counters anywhere nearby..all of their counters are in town area =(
Certain shows elicit appalling emotions..shall not continue watching...

Received an sms from Rachel this morning:
"Juan..wilson proposed to me..i dun think i want wedding dinner..but if ROM tea i want ask u be there k :) without u, me and wilson will not be together..hugs"

I feel happy for her..she's one of the frens whom i sincerely hope to see happy n blissful..they went thru alot of things n years together..so i m sure they now cherish each other n Wilson will love & dote on her..Rach & me met each other in our early 20s when we were young, impulsive n wilful..we clicked the first time we met & went thru a number of episodes together..time really flies~
Its a miraculous feeling seeing us changing from partying endlessly to settling down.. growing up is really a bizarre thing..how our mentality change as we grow..glad that we've matured thru the years & now my dear fren is going to start a family of her own entering a new chapter in life..
Rach be happy & blissful ever after =D congrats!!
肯许下如此大的承诺，将自己的一生交托给另一个人，是伟大的...

Dug out the books that i shoved aside for quite sometime..the bookmark that Jan gave educed the urge to start reading again..i used to have such a good habit but i always toss this habit aside whenever there are unhappy things in my life..actually reading helps to grow one's knowledge & divert attention from unnecessary thinking..shall start reading again =)

Today when i was at the mrt station, i saw a very old couple..guessed they r in their 70s..the grandpa was holding the granny's hand thru the whole journey they walked..the granny seemed abit blur due to old age but the grandpa was v gentle while talkin to her..the granny insisted on walking a certain direction which i think is not the way they wanna go, but the grandpa was really patient to lead her the right way..thru the whole time, he did not let go of her hand..when i saw this scenario, i smiled to myself..how sweet & fortunate it can be when there's someone there holding ur hand to walk the remaining journey when u r old & fragile..when ur parents will no longer be around & most probably ur children r busy with their own lives, ur partner is the one who stays with u til the end...

Been working OTs almost whole of last week due to premiere of the show "Cyril: Simply Magic"..been so stressed up cos its an A+ tv event of the year..but i m glad we pulled it thru the premiere & the rating was fantastic..it was the No.1 rated English program on Starhub & Astro during that time slot n surpassed Ch U and CNA among cable audience..the whole start of the campaign had been tedious for us & initially i was feeling super stressed doing the premiere log for East Asia (i wonder y izzit i always get the logs with premiering shows hah) but i think i did a good job =) *proud* hope the rest of the episodes will do well too..

My dad was very funny..called on fri nite to see if i wan any supper..but i juz knock off not even had my dinner let alone supper..i juz casually joked that i wan beef horfun from Geylang & he really got it for me! omg..but the prob was he forgot to ask the uncle not to add chilli (i cant take hot stuff at all) but seeing his effort i juz forced 3/4 of the box down my throat & i had diarrhoea for almost whole of saturday..everytime i eat spicy food my tummy goes on a riot..sigh...

I m seriously pms-ing now..feel super lethargic even though i slept early last nite..cramps from the moment i woke up n its not getting any better..nausea due to gastric issues that i always have before that time of the mth..a little cranky cos i feel irritable by minor things..i think gals will understand how i feel right now..been hugging my tummy since morning, juz hope the cramps dun get worse..but its ok..i'll start feeling better in few days time..

Jan got me a bookmark from Times when she went shopping yesterday..so cute~ i shall continue reading the books that i've put aside for sometime..been so busy lately i've not read in awhile..
The difficulties we experienced always illuminate the lessons we need most...

Met up with Shir couple of days ago for drinks to celebrate her bday in advance..so ended up at Rouge Outdoor having alot fattening food + beers for the nite..hahahah..beer makes us happy~

6 of us went to msia on sat..stayed overnite at a resort named Sebana near Desaru..super isolated place..but i think due to certain reason i enjoyed even though there wasnt any prior good planning..havent been having enuf sleep since last mon cos of that issue..i can feel myself at a almost dozed off state everyday..i need undisturbed sleep...

I've been having problems uploading photos on FB lately..wonder wat happened..anyway, had a very sinful feast in office last fri for Foo's bday celebration..here are some of the pics..

p/s: I dun really like the feeling of minimal contact =( how should i soothe this mood...

Sometimes i wonder..how much can i go to be understanding..i hope i can persevere..i really hope i can..its really not easy..need effort & determination to keep it going..
I realized there r times that i'll be disheartened & feel tired that i dun feel like compromising anymore

Its been so long since i planned for birthday..i hope it was relaxing & enjoyable =) Scarlet is nice & cosy..i seriously hope to have more time like last nite..wish there are more photos..n i think i look pretty yesterday =P hahah..perhaps i should dress up more..ha!
Surprised by the 2 Pooh cushions, really happy to get them..been so long~

A friend commented an actress by the name of Season in "Poker King" reminds of me..went to find out who she is & its actually 应采儿 whom i think is pretty..i take that as a compliment le..lol =)

A conversation that cheered up my day =)

Him: can u morning call me tml? i cant seem to wake up in time lately when u r not around.
Her: haha ok..so i've another 用处 as an alarm clock (jokingly)
Him: 你不是拿来用的，是拿来疼的!
Her: Smiling in silence.....

Found this photo that i took few days back in my phone..been so long since i tied up my hair =P

Grandma passed away last sat..i was feeling sick..infection plus down with a fever so headed to the clinic around evening time..my mum called to break the news when i was waiting for the doctor asking me to go back home asap..rushed home after the consultation..wake was at my hse void deck..been so busy & tired these few days..but appreciate that alot of frens dropped by even though i dint inform alot pple about it..my body is falling apart..signs of me falling very sick soon =( i wish i can be healthier..

Quarrelled with bro yesterday bcos of mum but in the end me & mum not talking..sigh..he broke her heart, she broke mine..sometimes i think i need to train my heart to be stronger to take all these..luckily he came over around dinner time to acc me til 10+..cos he saw i wasnt really in a good state & i really needed company so he stayed til quite late bah..think i was very cranky cos i was feeling sick plus not enuf sleep..

Reached office this morning saw a wrapped packet on my desk..attached with a note saying "To my 亲爱的lao popo, I love u..muacks muacks muacks!" It was 2 bottles of chicken essence from Ah Ching..cos she noe i m drained & tired..hahahah so sweet of her =)

Took leave to enjoy the long weekend since i still have a few days of leave to clear..going back to work tml but ever since i noe about that issue regarding her, office dun feel like home anymore..sigh..how to get motivated to go work..this is the 1st time i felt this way about work ever since i joined the company..i never dread going to work up till now..his decision to prove his worth wrecked the whole dept's morale..

My brother is very funny..he came into my room juz to show me a link about a bear..its so kelian & adorable that i posted in on FB to share..hahaha..too cute to be ignored..awww..

Jan intro me a variety show "Wild Bunny" featuring 2PM..i had a good laugh at the show & i think i've not laughed that loud ever since EHB of Super Junior..esp the part where they did a parody mtv on Brown Eyed Girls [Abracadabra]..they named themselves as Dirty Eyed Girls LOL..I totally lost it..Jokwon is extremely funny!! the impact was so huge that i keep having the images of that parody in my head hahahah..i cant stop laughing, even my mum commented that she's going to send me to Institute of Mental Health at the rate i m going =P sometimes we juz need this in life to lighten things up isnt it.. *wink*

He stuffed the things he bought for me from his trip into the pillow case that i m sleeping on & pretended nothing had happened..but i was so oblivious about it till after some time he had to hint that something was pressing against his arm under the pillow =D hahah..that was so sweet & funny..but i appreciated it alot..keke..yeah pressies~ hahahah..

I love my new toy..even though i m broke after making such a purchase, its worth it.. =)

"ok..dunt think too much..any problem i will be with you de.."
That was what pulled me thru a tough weekend..

Visited my grandma in the hospital..when we reached, the nurse was changing the dressings for her wounds..i saw her covered with needles & tubes all over..her body filled with sores & leisions..part of her skin were teared to a point that i can see her flesh..she was unconscious but her eyes kept twitching when we were calling her..my uncle said that she might want to open her eyes to see us but she could not..my heart clenched like nobody's business upon hearing that..eyes became watery but tried hard to control not to let the tears flow out..
At a point when the nurse was trying to shift her, the life support system was accidentally disconnected..for that few secs i can hear the sound of her breathing turned weird..it's a horrid feeling to see her in such agony =~(

Dad & uncles were discussing about her condition..n somehow talked about the funeral & stuff..listening to things like that really felt heavy & helpless..but from what the doctor said, it could be anytime soon..so they r juz mentally prepared..i think i m not good at handling death issue, especially when it involves family..

On our way back from the hospital, me & bro actually had some talk..about his work & relationship..he actually opened up telling me how he feels..was surprised cos my bro is not someone who'll share his stuff with the family..i told him how i felt & my views towards the issues..he seemed to listen & concur to what i said..i hope those words really got into his mind.. we should talk more hahaha..

Peiyun called to ask if wanna meet up to have coffee together so i headed to Yishun to meet..dint stay out too late as i was very tired..was worried about my grandma issue oso..my brother did a very sweet thing..he offered to come Yishun to pick me up even though he was already back home lazing in his room =)

Juz yesterday i was blogging about how negative my whole week has been..all bad things seemed to come at one go..surrounded by bad news everyday..i had a worse day today...

This morning i got petrified by a huge moth on the way to the bus stop that i dropped my breakfast & mp3 player on the floor (yesh i m freaking scared of moth)..after that got into the bus but expressway was in a super massive jam due to car accidents..the jam was all the way frm SLE to TPE..the bus was moving by inches & the whole bus journey was a freaking 2.5hrs trip! i was super late for work..as office atmosphere has been tensed recently, me being so late was a big hoohah..n almost ended up in dispute with my team leader..i understand he has his difficulties oso but the whole thing making me feeling lousy..

Juz before knocking off my mum called to inform that my grandma has slipped into coma & the doctor said that she might go anytime, so asked us to be mentally prepared..juz not long ago she was diagnosed with brain tumour, however decided not to let her go thru the surgery cos it was too dangerous for her age..but at that point of time she was said to have another 6mths more to live (that was only 1 mth ago!) it came to me as a shock as i dint expect it to be that fast..

Too many things came crashing all at one go..too many negative things happening lately..its really one after another..to me, to the pple around me..
Out of a sudden, i dun feel a thing now..this is scary...

This week has been a tough one for me..since last week i noticed rash on my face but it was mild so i decided to ignore it..but from the start of this wk, the rash got worse n by the time i realized my whole face is covered with itchy rashes..the itch was so bad that i couldnt stop scratching..til a point my face bleed from the scratching..everytime i look at myself in the mirror i feel very frustrated..cos my complexion became uneven & there r patches of skin peeling =~( will i be disfigured? feel so worried abt this..pls dun leave scars..

New head of dept decided to do something drastic & my best fren at work was the one being "axed" =( got the news yesterday evening..was v worried for her so decided to stay & acc her til her bf came n pick her up frm work..it dampened our morale at work actually..sigh..

A fren's brother is dying due to brain cancer..he's only 30 yrs old & was diagnosed with it last year..now he cant rem anything that happened more than 5mins back n cant take care of himself..doctor said he might go anytime..so now, the whole family is juz 'waiting for his death' which is so sad & helpless..theres nothing else they can do now..
Life is fragile & anything can happen..cherish wat we have now & live life to the fullest..its really important to be happy so as to have lesser regrets the day u leave this world...

Ok i noe this post is filled with angst..i juz needed an outlet to ease how i m feeling now..women under stress is not immediately concerned with finding solutions to her probs, but rather seek relieve by expressing herself & being understood..i need a tight warm hug from the one i love to tell me everything's alrite..i need it now..

Thanks to the both of them, i got quite a good deal for the purchase..need to really thank them for running up & down helping me to get it done..at least now i wont feel so frustrated using computer at home le..while transfering my stuff over, i was browsing thru some photos, cant seem to find one with smile, felt abit upsetting but decided not to get affected over things tat i cant control..but to be frank, when i saw those FB photos that day i really dun feel good..

Went for my routine medical checkup on sat..everything seems fine except tat my blood pressure hit a new low haha..normal person BP is 120/80 but mine is only 78/52..no wonder i've been feeling giddy & nausea often lately..the reading is in a dangerously low range..i've to be extra careful not to faint in the streets..LOL

Think its the throat inflammation medication, my whole face is filled with small rashes! omg i m disfigured =~( worse is the itch is quite bad tat i've to keep scratching my face thruout the day..argh..pls let the it go away soon..it's awful..

I think all of us should cherish what we have..recently i've heard alot stories from frens..most of them r regrets tat when they were attached they took the partners for granted & did things to hurt their partners..when they realized the one beside is the one they truly love & start to cherish them, most of the time its too late..their partners left for good..they lost the chance..i wonder why most pple have to go thru the agony of losing then they'll realized the importance of the one beside them..i can only say oppotunity doesnt come knocking twice..

I slept at 3am last nite so i m feeling super tired now..plus the drench in the rain during lunch making me feel unwell again..think i better not sleep too late today..need to take care of my own body..mayb the crankiness is bcos of insufficient rest..oops..
He msged me today from his overseas business trip to tell me he miss me lots =)

Janice sent me a personality test..here are the results..

You are a inspiring, interactive, supportive, and steady.
You probably like to spend time working and interacting with people. If our estimate is right, you would rather help someone than work alone, and you probably don't like conflict or confrontation. We're guessing that you tend to speak in a very kind and friendly way with almost everyone. These are all great attributes. Remember, though, that sometimes you need to "buckle down" and get some work done rather than only spend time with others.

General Characteristics: Enthusiastic. Trusting; Optimistic. Persuasive; Talkative. Impulsive; Emotional. Good listener; Team player. Possessive. Steady; Predictable. Understanding; Friendly.

Value to Team: Creative problem solver. Great encourager. Motivates others to achieve. Positive sense of humor. Negotiates conflicts; peace maker. Reliable and dependable. Loyal team worker. Compliant towards authority. Good listener, patient and empathetic. Good at reconciling conflicts.

Possible Weaknesses: More concerned with popularity than tangible results. Inattentive to detail. Overuses gestures and facial expressions. Tends to listen only when it's convenient. Resists change. Takes a long time to adjust to change. Holds a grudge; sensitive to criticism. Difficulty establishing priorities.

Greatest Fear: Rejection. Loss of security.

Motivated By: Flattery, praise, popularity, and acceptance. A friendly environment. Freedom from many rules and regulations. Other people available to handle details. Recognition for loyalty and dependability. Safety and security. No sudden changes in procedure or lifestyle. Activities that can be started and finished.

Ideal Environment: Practical procedures. Few conflicts and arguments. Freedom from controls and details. A forum to express ideas. Group activities in professional and social environments. Practical procedures and systems. Stability and predictability. Tasks that can be completed at one time. Few conflicts and arguments. A team atmosphere.

Personal Growth Areas : Weigh the pros and cons before making a decision; be less impulsive. Be more results oriented. Exercise control over your actions, words, and emotions. Focus more on details and facts. Remember to slow down your pace for other team members. Talk less; listen more. Consider and evaluate ideas from other team members. Concentrate on following through with tasks. Be more open to change. Be more direct in your interactions. Focus on overall goals of the team rather than specific procedures. Deal with confrontation constructively. Develop more flexibility. Increase pace to accomplish goals. Show more initiative. Work at expressing thoughts, opinions, and feelings.

Been sick since sat evening =~( feverish + cough + flu..my whole body seems to be breaking apart..everytime i sneeze or cough my whole body ached..n the headache is killing me..cough til a point i feel like puking..haiz..i need to see a doctor real soon..

Had problems waking up this morning, but forced myself out of bed cos my team leader is on leave today..i need to go to work..when i got out of my bed, my mummy was already awake waiting for me to get up so she can prepare breakfast for me..made me sandwich & oat cereal..so sweet rite.. 世上只有妈妈好~ hahahah..love my mama =D she actually slept v late cos watched soccer matches but specially woke up early juz to make sure i had breakfast before going to work =) plus i think she's in a good mood cos Arsenal won last nite LOL..

I think i really gave others the impression of dunno how to take care of myself is it..both Shir & Pauline offered to bring me to the doctor..hahaha..anyway think i made frens worried *paiseh*..will go see a doctor after work today..i m really feeling super xinku..hope its not anything serious...

Felt alone & crappy for the whole of wkend cos was sick at home..but the acts of everyone today gave me the warmth again =)

Today is the big day of Yulei..invited us to her wedding lunch in JB..initially i was supposed to be going in with PY but her mama is feeling unwell (hope things will be alrite for her) so ended up i went in to JB all by myself..actually its kinda scary esp when i m all dressed up..but decided to go ahead cos i wan to be there to witness Yulei's bliss =) so i went ahead alone til msia custom to wait for Siewyee to pick me up as she stays near msia custom..had a tough journey bcos of the jam & weather =( we were already late for the function yet we missed the junction ended up driving a super long way to find another U-turn hahahahah..how blur can we get?

The wedding venue is at Grand Straits Garden which is located along Danga Bay (how the hell did we missed it?) but we finally reached juz before the lunch banquet starts..saw alot of familiar faces but cant recall the names hahahah..but it was interesting to catch up with old frens..n some of them i've not seen since sec sch graduation!! had alot of catching up updating one another about pple we know..i realized alot of my sec sch frens got married this yr (maybe 09 is a good yr for marriage) scary~

During the conversation, they were talking abt me in the past & HJ mentioned "我们的小公主" lol hahahahah..think i was really pampered when i was young by alot of pple =P but hearing that now sounds funny..hmmm can i still be pampered like a princess? =P hehe..

Reached home with a bad headache & i think i m falling sick real soon..but instead of resting i m online loading pics on FB & watching clips on YouTube =X saw the latest concert clips of Super Junior..their Super Junior Premium live in Japan..i was smiling to myself when watching the clips =D for the whole of my life, other than andy lau, Super Junior is the only one that i'll go gaga for..they r simply fantastic!! *fighting~*
Anyone able to get their concert dvd for me?

Juz took panadol & cough syrup..think i better rest soon..my body seem to be breaking down..i really need quality rest..oh ya i have not rub my wound on the leg..argh!!

Had dept lunch at PizzaHut today..had alot fun making jokes abt Ris Low (boomz) =P hehe..ate alot..i m feeling so freaking full now..to make it worse i feel super sleepy..yawn~i really think i m eating too much..need to control..hahah..i dun wan to become fat =( i used to be so slim haiz..sob sob..but i juz cant stop snacking!!
I seriously need plenty plenty of sleep & alot alot of excercise!!

After rubbing the wound for me,we had a long talk last nite..about alot of stuff..i actually like the feeling of pillow talking when being hugged..cos felt relaxed in this way..he said he realized he hasnt brought me out for a long time why izzit that i dun feel angry abt it..think he felt bad for neglecting me for work..even suggested we should go clubbing someday juz the 2 of us hahah (i miss dancing)..told me that he appreciates me for being nice to him & the understandings i have for him when he need to entertain customers,go overseas,focus on work,etc..told me he really cares alot for me & loves me, juz that he doesnt express it out..he already made up his mind that i m the one..i m glad to hear all these bcos i needed constant assurances to keep me going..
So the conversation led to something that his dad asked him in the morning..he casually mentioned before but we dint went into details..so was surprised when he popped the issue again for discussion..is he really ready?

Anyway no concrete conclusion for the nite..think will need to talk abt it again when we r not so tired..he said that we influenced each other alot for past few yrs..i noe i changed alot bcos of him but i dint noe i influenced him as well..but i think positive influences r good lah..oso said that i m the only one who can handle his temperament (actually i agree hahaha no other woman can handle him as well as i do) =P
Somehow we mentioned abt how we met & i think its funny yet sweet to think back of the past hahah..he actually remember the details too =) about the purchasing of rivets & stuff..hahah..those were the days..all along i thought he forgot alot of the memories we shared..i m glad to noe that he dint =)
Please let the bliss be consistent & lasting~

Its feels wonderful to be feeling good about urself..been a long time since i felt so..but i had that feeling again yesterday..why do i say so? cos i had a crappy day..not enuf sleep since Macau trip, came back still cant get to sleep, both legs injured cos i fell off the stairs n the pain is killing me, bad cramps n pms, etc..for all these i m supposed to be feeling like shit rite? but i dint..in fact i felt good abt myself & all these doesnt stop me from feeling happy..even when i was walking back home last nite, i felt the way i carry myself reminded me of wat i was in the past..i hope that me is really coming back..if thats the case i'll be super super super happy!!! =)
I've to make sure this positive feeling last till i m fully ok~

He called to ask me about my leg injury despite being with his dad & customer drinking..was surprised cos its been quite long since he did that during work..really heart-warming.. brought a smile to my face after i put down the phone hehe..oso said he'll helped me wif it tonite..whee~ =D Anyway, yesterday my dad rubbed it for me & i was literally tearing in pain..i cant rem the last time i teared due to pain..that was how painful my wound is =~( screamed when daddy rubbed it & think i heard mum laughin from the toilet when she heard my screams..duh~but still i m glad that i have my loved ones taking turns to help me wif the injury cos i dun dare to rub it myself..the pain is too intense for me to take..

My injury..the whole area was dented (think i hurt the bone) & the bruise covered such a big portion of my left leg..i have not mention the sprain on my right ankle..the real thing looks scarier than the picture actually..hahahah.. (ay why am i laughing about this~ fainted)

Juz came back from Macau..had a good trip wif the gals =D will juz briefly jot down wat happened during the trip now..details will be coming soon after i consolidate the pictures from all cameras~hehe..

We stayed at The Venetian during the trip..the hotel is fantastic! i was mesmerized by the building when i reached the place..its really beautiful..think Macau is really mini version of Las Vegas casinos everywhere..the thing that disappoint me was that there isnt much places to shop in Macau =( n its freaking difficult to get a cab on Macau streets..

1st day: had a quick lunch cum dinner then headed to Macau Fisherman's Wharf which is like a theme park consisting of retail shops, bars n entertainment venues..after which we return to The Venetian to shop at the Grand Canal Shoppes within the hotel..the shopping mall reminds me of Paragon, which means i will not spend $ buying the expensive branded stuff over there..ended up juz window shopping til the shops closed..had an early nite as all of us were deadbeat from the plane journey & walking..

2nd day: first destination was Senado Square..the main square is paved wif a wave-pattern stone mosaic that extends frm Senado Sq to St Paul's..there r some shops at Senado Sq so we walked along the stretch til we reach The Ruins of St Paul's..in the heart of the old city stands the great carved stone facade of St Paul's that was remained of the first church & college of the Jesuits in China..along we saw a few churches & really felt that the architects there r truly beautiful.. Left for Macau tower after Senado Sq..the tower is the 10th highest in the world..it's an elegant construction offerin a paranomic views all over Macau..u can actually do bungee junp & skywalk there..but i dun hav the guts to do so =P we ended the nite watching "Zaia" performed by Cirque Du Soleil..Zaia is a circus show that highlights dance, movement & aerial aecrobatics..super fascinated by the show..

3rd day: went to Zhu Hai but i think we miscalculated the time so dint have much time shopping around (i wanna go again!! cos i noe that i'll definitely enjoy the place alot if i've more time n money there) anyway,bought some stuff & kanna scolded by Shir cos i kept buying things for family & him instead of myself =P hahah..

4th day: had a good dim sum breakfast & did some last min shopping at the hotel..when we reached airport typhoon no.3 hosted but luckily the plane wasnt delayed..had a super uncomfortable journey back cos of the turbulences caused by the typhoon..but overall i loved the trip wif the gals =D

I realized thruout the whole journey the gals r really taking good care of me..always making sure that i m enjoyin, not feelin bored, not feelin hungry, n always givin the best stuff to me..all juz wanna ensure i enjoy the trip hehe..Shir told me once that everytime she's wif me she feel like taking gd care of me..hahah i think the rest of the gals felt so too? n yes i really love the feeling of being taken care of =D

He came n fetch me from the airport after work..i appreciate everything for the nite..esp the part where he helped me rub the injury hee =) (oh i fell off the stairs at Macau airpot juz before i board the plane) n he seemed to like the pressies i got for him..think he felt the same way as the gals too that why i m not buyin stuff for myself, cos he said this trip was supposed for me to enjoy myself how come i ended up buying things for everyone else except myself..oops =P (ok lesson learnt, will try to think more for myself in my next trip hehe) i hope its not my hallucination, cos i felt from his tone he felt 心疼 seeing me not pampering myself..anyway, we ended the nite sweet~ =)
I love the way things are goin between us lately..so please let this bliss last~

I dunno when will be my next trip overseas..but i m super looking forward to it~
I promised that i'll love myself more & not always puttin everyone else in front of me..will try to live more for myself..

Here are some of the pics taken for the trip..i'll upload more on Facebook after i consolidate all the photos..hehe.. =)

The gals~ Huiping, Shiryee, XingJuan, Davina
At Singapore Budget Terminal

The hotel where we stayed - The Venetian (beautiful place)

Macau streets..welcome to Macau~

Senado Square..weather was freaking hot that afternoon

Portugese egg tarts..one of the best tarts i ever had~ yummy!!

Ruins of St Paul's..magnificent piece of architect

Lego figure of Macau Tower

At the grand staircase in front the Ruins of St Paul's

After watching Zaia..the heart-shaped balloon given at the end of the show =)

This is the interior of The Venetian..look so much like outdoor..

While waiting for the plane back..super tired looks..hahah..yawn~

I am so happy!! finally after so long we r having pillow talks =) yesterday before sleeping i was tellin him about my wkend when he was not around..after few mins of babbling non-stop was thinking whether he was bored by my stuff so asked him about it..he said no & asked me to tell him my stuff so that he'll know..all along when i dun say out he doesnt know..be it i m happy or unhappy i dun share much so he's not aware..told him i m worried that he might be tired or bored by my stuff when he's thinking about work..but he said he wont..cos if i dun tell him wats happening in my life he wont know..so he said in future ask me to tell him watever i wish to say..delighted to know that he's actually concerned about wats happening in my life..i m happy that we r communicating =D i dunno how to describe how glad i felt last nite...
Please let this happiness last~

I havent done any packing at all & tmr is my Macau trip..omg~how last min can i be..haha..Had a hard time finding a digicam for my trip..i should have juz bought it when i had the impulse previously!! finally borrowed one frm Yongxin..hehe..i m going to take lotsa pictures for this trip!! stay tune folks~ =D

Ever since the talk on sunday,my mum seems to start thinking abt wat i told her..which i think is a good thing..i really dun wish to see her always making herself unhappy in the family cos of dad & bro..think she was really surprised by me for speaking out my mind..there r times i need to let her see the facts & stop making herself miserable..its really heartbreaking to see her so unhappy till her health suffers..told her i love her n she has been a great mum so dun be too hard on herself..i think she has been talking to me in a nicer tone since then =P maybe she knows how much it hurts for me to always be the venting person whenever she's pissed with them..

Had another talk with her last nite when i got home..told me abt wat she might want to do when she feels that my bro is matured enuf to take care of himself (which i think that day wont come anytime soon) glad to hear that from her..she really need to think more for herself..she was telling me alot of stuff that dad did to hurt her ever since they were together (hearing all these from young is one of the reason i have phobia in marriage) i think she really went thru alot hardships since young..really wish she can start living for herself & be happy..women should be treasured no matter which stage of relationship they r in..

Jan sent me a few Super Junior clips to watch during lunch..they never fail to make me smile =) i really really want to watch their concert live!! anyone can grant me this wish? =P
and i juz received new songs to add to my playlist..woohoo~ =D

I think the sms he sent me last nite when he reach home from the trip was super sweet~ hehe =D

I really need someone to be here for me now~
Its really tough to be alone most of the time when needed someone to be there =~(

Woke up early yesterday at his place & had breakfast with his mum while he was still sleeping..chatted for quite awhile..got abit affected by the conversation but decided not to brood over it..
He woke up quite late so rushed to get his car then head back to office before he head to msia for his business trip with Raymond..on the way he wanted to buy lunch for me,but looking at the time i noe he was already very late so told him i'll settle myself..actually the nite before i was planning to have a good breakfast with him before he leaves for the trip, but i had no chance to tell him as he was back home very late, plus the fact tat dun wan him to rush..i should have juz said it out rite? silly me always keeping things to myself..alot times dint wan to say out cos i dun wish him to disrupt his work schedule bcos of me..sigh..where to find such a good gf~hahah..

Almost slept my whole sat away so woke up early today..called to book for facial appt at 3pm..cant rem when was the last time i went for a facial..need to pamper my skin more even though i think my complexion is not bad =P hehe..i love doing facials =) He juz msged me from msia asking if i've anything in mind to buy he'll buy for me..happy to get that msg =D i was hoping for something i can use or keep cos been quite sometime since i received those kinda presents frm him..actually at that point of time, i was hoping i can be there buying the things together with him =P

Asked my mum about the luggage issue..i really dun understand how come my mum can practise favourtism till such an extend..i really really dun understand =~( sob & she juz admitted to me tat yes she dun dare to lose temper at my bro at all even she's pissed off at the ridiculous requests he made..i know tat i shouldnt be too upset abt it..but i cant help when she is so 偏心..others will never believe how extreme her 偏心can get..n alot of times the words she uses can be very destructive..i think brothers r very bad for our self-esteem..
Anyway,watching 古灵精探B..it's really funny & i love the pple working at D.I.E. hahahah =D their jokes can crack me up like nobody's business..but i had a frustrating time loading the videos..i want a new laptop!!!

I wished..i can have more chances to replenish my sleep like yesterday...
I wished..i made the right decisions in my life regardless of what aspects...
I wished..he will msg me more in everyday life when he has the time...
I wished..my mum will appreciate what i've done for her...

Went to Tampines One Sushi Tei to have welcome lunch for our new member in the team Alexis..think she need to get used to the madness of our team =P i love Sushi Tei~ i ate so much tat i m feeling super sleepy now..yawn~ i need plenty plenty of sleep!

Ever since my mum's call i've been pondering should i still go for the Macau trip..feeling abit sian =( Shir called last nite, said she did the calculations, ask me not to worry & go ahead wif the trip..scolded me tat i've deprived myself too much for too long already..its juz a short trip wif the gals to relax & i deserve the break..so think i'll still go for the trip..

Been wantin to tell him abt it but no chance cos he was wif customers last nite..sometimes feel like sharin more stuff wif him, but his work is busy & taxing so i always tell myself to be understanding not to giv him any further stress..i'll always wait before updating him my stuff cos i dun wan to disturb him when he's working..m i askin for too much if i wish tat we can communicate & talk more? another thing on my wish list is to go for overseas trips wif him, i noe its tough given his hectic schedule..i hope this wish will come true someday =)

I noe this sounds silly..but these thoughts suddenly crossed my mind..i wish i can b well taken care of..i wish i dun need to worry so much for my family..i wish that i m pampered like a princess by my loved ones..i supposed this is the 小女人side of me..but well its silly lah..its juz some random thoughts haha..cos i noe i should be jolly well takin care of myself & i m capable of doing so..
好想有个可以任性和撒娇的地方~

Anyway, this picture was taken quite sometime ago..
Love the black & white effect of the photo =)

Taking a short break for lunch so decided to blog..feel like havin comfort food so having LJS nw =) wif add on skin-on potato chips..catching up abit on HK drama now while eating..

Yesterday met up wif him after work..he called up & initially wanted to meet up for dinner..but i think i was whiny bcos of the call from my family previously so dint end the call in a happy note..after tat met up at Tamp Mall cos i need to buy a pair of slippers as mine snapped..when we met up he was juz jokingly teasing me abt the chat we had on the phone previously but i think i got abit defensive & upset..ended up buying MOS burger & fishcake home for dinner..

After tat went petrol station juz to buy my fav ice cream..but i think i was still sulking..so he actually initiate to tell me some stuff..he asked why i've to harp on the teasing part n b unhappy & yet ignored the positive part tat he actually went to Tamp Mall, parked the car, came up to fetch me acc me buy dinner then bought ice cream & go home together to enjoy dinner with each other's company..

Actually i was abit surprised when he said that..cos usually he'll juz keep quiet whenever things happened..but to a certain extend i felt happy =) cos finally after so long we r having real talks, rather than always juz keepin mum to avoid quarrels whenever we feel unhappy abt wat happened..so i decided to curb my usual defensive mode & listen patiently to wat he said..n yes it make sense..to me communication is very impt cos we get to express how we feel & let the other person noe wat we r thinkin..when we talk to each other nicely abt wat we r unhappy about, the other party will listen & think rationally..
In fact, wat he told me was really wat i've been thinkin abt recently isnt it..focusin on the right things not to make myself unhappy..whole journey back other than the teasing part,he was really nice to me, but i overlooked tat & keep harpin on the wrong issue..i felt so bad abt it esp when he still talk to me nicely, insisting he wasnt angry juz telling me so i wont keep makin myself upset..i think both of us changed alot..our temper & the way we handled things..n i believe both r changing for the better =)

Thanks to the talk, i felt alot better when we reached home..not only i straighten out my thoughts, the communication feeling feels great too..he brought his laptop out to dining rm n we watched 绝代商娇while eating dinner..funny show & the leading guy is really very very smart in the show..i think 黄子华is the only guy in HK tv serials tat is likeable even though he doesnt has a fine-looking face =P he's really funny..i think intellectual men r so much more attractive than juz plain good-lookin guys..think the tension was gone when we got home..we were laughin hard at the show & sharin a tub of Ben's & Jerry ice cream after dinner =)
I wish..i can spend more quality time with him..

I m glad tat i've pple ard me who hav always been helping me to pick myself up when i slump for the past year..
I will be a better person..i've confidence in myself =) the Juan that used to be bringin laughters & having positive influences to the pple ard me will be back..focus gal..focus...

Worked late on fri nite..The gals called me ard 7+ saying wanna come find me for dinner..so they came all the way from Queensway Ikea to my office to pick me up..hahah..omg touched..this is how far gfs will do for one another hehe..met up had dinner together..when i finished dinner smsed him but no reply i guessed he dozed off, so decided to catch a midnite show wif the gals..we were lucky to get quite good seats despite buyin tickets last min..watched "The Ugly Truth" a romantic comedy film starring Katherine Heigl and Gerard Butler..we had a fun time laughin seein the differences in thinkin of men & women in the show =D after tat went hme & watch online shows til 5 in the morning..
The next few shows i wanna watch is "The Time Traveller's Wife" & "The Sister's Keeper", felt enticed to watch them after readin the reviews & seein the thrillers..

Woke up ard noon on sat..dint hear from him so decided to call him..he was still at office & told me he'll b goin to customer's office for lunar 7th mth dinner..called me a few times to update me his schedule & i really really appreciate that..i think its nice & sweet for pple to update their other half of wat they r doin..its helps in keepin the other half more secured..i'll do so constantly too..
Since i m free,met up wif Shir for dinner at civic centre's mac..halfway thru Zhen msged so last min decided to meet up & play mahjong..we started the game after dinner & i won the most for the nite =P lady luck seems to b shining on me =)

I did not sleep a wink on sat nite so i knocked out on sunday late noon after accompanyin my mum for grocery shopping..he called once ard 6+ when i was napping but i think i was so tired i cant rem a single thing i told him on the phone (tat was how tired i am)..his sis called me ard 9+ askin if i goin over but i was still too tired to respond to her & when i finally got myself out of bed to call him back it was already 10pm..so after the talk wif him on the phone both think it's too late for me to travel alone again..i noe tat he felt like seeing me but appreciate the thought tat he dint wan me to take a cab there alone..actually a part of me felt like seein him too cos havent saw him for days but another part of me agreed tat its abit late to meet up today..so decided to meet up tml instead..

My bro juz came into my room..passing me the stuff he bought for me from his Bangkok trip wif his gf..seems like they really had a good shopping trip..makes me feel like going too..anyway,he bought me 2 pouches (pink & purple), 2 sleeveless tops (black & grey), 1 pair of slippers & a few packets Winnie the Pooh travel pack tissues (cos he noes i like tat series) n the pictures r really cute! i wonder if i'll use them at all..
I rem bk oso bought me some pooh tissues when he saw them in KL last mth =P

I wish..that me & the pple who r important to me will be more expressive in our thoughts...
I wish..i can go overseas trip with my bf too...
I wish..i can be healthier & happier...

I cant explain why but i suddenly had the urge to change my blog skin template..felt that the old template can be easily associated wif stuff in the past tat i dun wish to think about..n to a certain extend i felt tat a new blog skin signifies a new start from this point of my life..

I chose a simple blog skin & hope tat i'll light up this blog with my entries..I instantly felt better & soothed after seeing the new blog skin =) i hope that my blog will b a place where i pin down my thoughts & happenings in life, not juz an outlet to vent my frustrations when i dun feel like talkin to anybody..i hated reading my posts backwards cos everytime when i do so i felt the pull at my heart..so i juz set my blog homepage settings to show entries that r after the very low period of my life..bcos this thing called emotions, i dun really wan to feel it anymore..

I realized i really need to focus on the right things..there r some things in this life that r important & a whole lot that arent important..we r responsible for everythin in our lives..we create our experiences by our thoughts n our feelings..no person, no place & no thing has any power over us..when we create positive feelings in our mind,we'll find it in our lives..I have the power to choose what i want to think..n we all need to have faith in life..i feel that faith is daring the soul to go beyond what the eyes can see..so,when fear knocks at ur door, answer it with faith..

I treasure this moment now when i m feeling good & i m going to be here..not anywhere in the past..i will b a better person..for myself & the pple around me who really care for me..
n i hope pple around me will cherish me as wat i am..

Had team lunch at Say Cheeze today for Kelly's farewell as she'll b transferring to adsales..as usual me & Ching had a great time taking random pics =P
I love taking pics wif loved ones~
Its a pity tat a few of my loved ones dun really like taking pics =(