I m having a one week break before starting on the new job..i haven had any gd rest for the past few yrs..although one week is abit short, better than nothing..heehee..so i spend almost everyday on my HK drama marathon..i juz cant stop on 溏心风暴..really nice show..no wonder rated one of the top viewership show in Hong Kong for this yr..total 40 episodes, i m halfway thru the show already..cant wait to finish the discs..

Family issues r blowing up..mum has been in foul mood lately oso..me & bro hasnt been talking to dad cos we r still pissed & angry for wat happened..but there's nothing much we can do now..gotta take one step at a time..I hav been so bothered by my family issues lately that i m so insensitive..how could i not show any concern when he's feeling so sick..i need to adjust my mentality..cannot let family issues affect my emotions so much that i neglect loved ones feelings..

Read a short article in a mag just nw..find it quite useful..gals, show this to ur man..guys, make a point to read it..

CALM HER DOWN DURING A FIGHT

Even the most harmonious pairs get pissed at each other sometimes.But if u noe how to handle ur gf's emotions during a tiff, u can prevent a full scale screaming match from ensuing. To defuse a blowout, follow this advice.

Don't Try To Hug It Out
So maybe she's overreacting a little, but trying to gloss over the problem by physically engulfing her will juz make it worse. When u try to solve an argument with physical contact only, it seems to her that u arent really listening. So even if u hate hashing things out, the fight will cool down faster if u assess her concerns.

Be The Bigger Person
When u've wrong ur girl, u juz have to come clean..and soon.. Being stubborn will only aggravate the situation. So what if u r innocent? Try this alternative to an apology: "I dint do that intentionally, But now i can see why u took it that way." In some ways, its better than "i'm sorry" which sound like an easy out.

Stay On Point
U noe how it goes: One minute, u r fighting abt whose turn it is to do the dishes, and the next minute, she's harping on how u missed her sister's birthday party..six months ago. When a person feels like they r not being heard or realizes they r wrong, they may dig up old baggage to bolster their point. Focus the conversation on the immediate incident. If she brings up past grievances, say "Wait, can we juz talk abt what happened today?We can discuss the other issue later, but i want to finish this first."

Reassure Her That You Want To Fix It
Often, fights spin out of control when a woman worries the relationship is at stake. That's why u should show her that u care enough abt the union to mend the problem. Rather than juz focusing on what either of u did wrong, tell her that u want to find ways to prevent the same issue from popping up again. It shows u r in it for the long haul.

i m whacked..slept less than 2hrs last nite..dear stayed over at my place last nite..but i was too tired to hear the alarm clock ringing..usually i m the one to get awaken by the alarm sound..but i think due to the late nite i was totally in concuss state..dear woke up late today..late for work..initially i thought he'll get very perturbed by the event..but instead he said its ok ask me to go back to sleep for a little longer..felt so touched..if i were him, i would have already burst into rage & anxiety for being late to work..lately i think he oso notice that i m acting weird..maybe due to the uncertainties & insecurities..i m always in a dazed & self-doubt state..i dun need pple to understand wat i m going thru or how im feeling cos they'll nv noe..i dun need pple to help cos i dun wan to trouble them..but i do need them to be understanding towards my feelings..that i m feeling shitty now..family affairs,work capabilities,self-esteem,money...everything bringin me down..i m thankful that he's understanding..i noe he's stressed up lately over work & stuff and he wasnt feeling too well lately..frequent headaches have been haunting him..but he make a pt to talk to me softly & keep trying to calm my mood whenever i feel low..thanks dearie..*hugs*

Its 2am and i cant get to sleep..i still gotta wake up 6+ in the morning for work but i cant get to sleep!! dearie was already asleep ard 11pm..i juz keep staring at the ceiling..toss & turn in bed but i m still wide awake..izzit bcos tml is my last day of work at VF? am i feeling insecure & uncertain of everything? I m always deprived of sleep but yet now when i can sleep early i juz couldnt fall asleep!! tried to read the papers, watch my favourite HK drama vcds, even took comics fr my brother's rm to read..but my mind is so awake..argh..gonna b a zombie when i go to work tml..

been watching 3 HK serials at the same time recently.."溏心风暴"，"学警出更" & "同事三分亲".. 溏心风暴 is really nice..even both my mum & jaslyn r smitten by the show..the other 2 shows r of normal standard..not really nice..I'll have a one wk break before starting on the new job..so i think i'll spend my time rotting in front of the TV watching the shows..I love HK serials..

I m starting to worry abt the upcoming new job..Its something that i've nv done before..I've absolutely no experience in it..I'm still wondering how come they offered me the post..cos after the interview i had a strong feeling that they wont consider my application cos i've no experience at all..actually i was juz trying my luck when i applied for the post..really wanted a change in life so was browsing thru the jobstreet site for job openings & sent out a few resumes..all called up but i only turned up for the SPE interview cos the date they arranged was only day i can take leave fr work for that week..dint noe much abt the organisation & the post they r offering..wasnt even sure wat the job scopes are..juz went for the interview..actually i find that when i dun giv myself too much pressure i can do fine for interviews..it has been so many yrs since i went for interviews cos i've been working for the current co for more than 3yrs..i was so inconfident of going to the interview..2 ladies interviewed me..they even commented that i m more suitable for a frontline post rather than a deskbound one..so i thought "ok thats it..they r not going to consider me" the whole interview lasted for abt an hr then i left..

after a wk i still did not hear fr them so i assumed that i wasnt going to get that post..so i went ahead for the KL exhibition..on the day when i reached KL, they called..SPE called to tell me that they r offering me the post~OMG i was ecstatic..i thought hopes r infinitesimal so i was losing hope for that post already..i was given til afternoon to consider & gotta come back to them by late noon..i wasnt sure of it cos i m not confident..so i actually msged dear, SY & Rach..all encouraged me to move on in my work..saying tat a change might b gd for me..cos the current job is really bringing me down..but i've been working in SME for the past few yrs..i dunno if i can really adapt to big organization..I juz feel so insecure abt the future..alot pple tells me that its natural for me to feel this way cos i m moving out of my comfort zone to step into another sector..wat i need is some time to get used to the new environment & pple there..but i think i muz b ready for the culture shock..cos i m so used to SME working culture..

I think only time will tell whether i made the right decision of stepping out of the comfort zone..A lot of things i have to try when i m still young..if not, i wont have a chance in future as i m not getting any younger..no matter wat when i m still young with less obligations, i can still afford to fall..I m juz worried whether i can cope & survive in the new job..I noe i m pessimistic in my thinking..I m still trying not to always think in the negative way..Hope i can do that soon..I really need some enthusiasm back in my life..

okay i really need to force myself to go to bed..if not i wont be able to make it in office tml to clear up all my work & do a nice handover to them..I've a hunch tat i m gonna work OT for my last day of work at VF..

*Targets for last day of work*
-to clear all my pending paperwork (invoices,credit notes,delivery orders,non-billing orders,purchase orders,mechandise receipts) to date
-to do all the filings (that freaking BIG stack of papers..argh~)
-to pack & clean up my drawers (i m going to carry alot of stuff back..weighty issue..sob sob)
-not to feel sad or gloomy for leaving (gotta leave with a smile) (",)

I love blogging esp when i m feeling depressed & down in the dumps..esp when i reach a phase that i've no strength to talk or do anything..but sometimes i dun feel like doing anything at all..I dun want to affect pple ard me but i still yearn for their concerns..

I think it might be bcos of pms..or mayb its due to the spate of events that happened at home..i tried to be strong & happy..but the more i tried the more i lose control of myself..I think sadness & disappointments consume alot of energy..I m already crawling in life but something nv seems to want stop stepping on me..Everytime i decided to be strong & carry on in life, everytime i managed to summon a little energy, it'll juz crush me flat..all the constant disappointments in life is nv going to go away, they hurt me to a pt that i no longer bother to feel the pain..can i still hope?

Watched Shrek 3 recently..saw some fairytale characters..i presume that 1 fairytale all of us would rem was Cinderella..At a young age, the majority of us only rem fairy godmothers, prince, happily ever after, blah blah blah..nothing much more than that..but as i grow older, i realized that this childhood story actually has another significance..She went thru so much..When young, lost her parents, wake up everyday to get bullied by the stepmom & stepsisters, wore shabbily, etc..But what kept her going despite all the miseries?I think its hope..Hope gives us optimism & make us look forward in life..It is not something we can see, but what we can feel..well..sound profound isnt it..but i always think that talking is easier than doing..when will my fairy godmother appears and grant me hope in life..

I m really feeling shitty now bcos i was upset alot of times..I noe life will nv be smooth..there r bound to b unhappy moments..I noe trials will make me strong..i rem when i was in my teen yrs i read a quote fr a magazine.."whatever doesnt kill u will only makes u stronger"..left a deep impact in my mind till now..i tried really hard to believe in this quote..i'll always repeat this phrase whenever i feel that i no longer hav the energy to inch forward..I noe alot of times i can only count on myself..but in reality, being optimistic can b difficult..its easier said than done..I noe i've alot pple who care abt me & r willing to help thru the rough times..I m really thankful to them..But the plummeting feeling within me juz get worse..everytime dearie tell me something for my own gd i'll always get very defensive & impatient..i dun mean to make things hard for us..i detest myself for being obstinate..i wish i can make some changes soon...

Actually pple asked me wat do i want in life now..Frankly speaking, i dunno..cos nothing appeals to me right now..For the past few yrs, i keep motivate myself in life to look forward to small events or occasions..be it birthdays, gathering, anniversaries, etc..but everytime when those days passed, i feel even more lost bcos i gotta look for more of all these to carry on again..

I dun feel good now..its awful when i cant cry..sometimes its better not to have too much hopes..cos when good things happens, u feel happier & when disappointments occurs, u somehow expected that..

Alot of times i take things too hard resulting in me hurting myself again n again..i hate confrontations..that's y alot of times i dun voice out, but that doesnt mean that presence signify nil..I can get very sensitive when i feel neglected or unimportant..I bottled up my unhappiness so i wont make other upset..but will pple ard me take this for granted as time pass by?i dunno...

I wish i can be more big-hearted & smart..so i can put myself in others' shoes spare a thought for them & i can make appropriate decisions n judgements myself..I hope that i can stop thinking unnecessarily & start thinking when it is necessary..I hope i can be less stubborn so that i wont always learn things in hurtful means..I hope to appreciate more of wat i have now before its too late..I hope to be more useful, positive & matured..When can i ever reach these goals...

I decided to move on in life..I've been stuck for quite sometime..the 1st step is to change a job & working environment..I should be feeling lighter now..but how come moving ahead makes me feel that i actually forgot where i planned to go..I gotta be ready for the changes & new phase of my life..But somehow, i dunno why..I m pessimistic, despondent, numbed to alot of things..I lost myself..I dunno where i belong..I feel tired..I've qualms abt my existence..I dun understand y i've to face all these shits..How come its always going downhill..Everytime i try to climb an inch up, things will happen n push me down again..They juz worn down my tiny hopes.. I m really really tired..

almost had a misunderstanding wif him..how come i m so sensitive..i cant get to sleep last nite thinking abt the issue to realize this morning that i was juz over-sensitive..argh~y cant i juz ask him instead of starting to think on the bad side..sigh..*backside itchy* =(

went to Vivocity tat nite..brings back memories of the day we spent at sentosa..i muz pin it down in case one day when i m old & senile i still can rem wat happened and savour the memories..ha..it was birthday eve..he pick me up fr my place..dint tell me where he'll b bringing me to..juz kept on driving..in the end realized we were heading towards sentosa..had candlelit dinner at a place near the sea..he arranged the table to b alone outside the restaurant, all by ourselves..but think it was abit dark when nite falls..haha..
after dinner he suggested we go drinking at the lounge nearby to unwind & chillout..then we juz went..open a bottle of wine listening to the liveband singing..when the clock strike 12am,the liveband started singing bday song (i was still telling him "hey,someone here same bday as me eh!!" haha..how come my reaction so slow) while the band were singing,the lounge staff took out a bday cake & a 99-roses bouquet walking towards our table & leave the things in front of me..i was surprised..the place was filled wif claps & cheerings from other patrons..felt as if i am in a movie scene..haha..the feelin so nice..other than smiling i dunno wat other expression i could hav at tat pt of time..
after tat,we left for the carpark after the drink,but he wanted to go to the washroom..suggested go to Rasa Sentosa washroom (cos hotel washroom cleaner hehe) but in the end it was another surprise..he lead me to a room in Rasa Sentosa tat he booked earlier..when he open the room door *voila* it was decorated wif balloons wif my name, pooh bear stuff toy & blanket, candles(even though the lights did not stay..sigh~),etc..i was super surprised..opened my eyes wide, jaws dropped..he & friend (Seah) actually went beforehand to decorate & prepare everything fr the dinner restaurant to the lounge to Rasa-Sentosa..he told me tat pple mistaken him & Seah for gays cos they check in together wif Seah holding a bouquet of flowers..wahahah..i laughed til tears drop uncontrollably..imagine pple giving them weird stares when they were preparing for my surprise..hahah..but later he told me it was all for me then i melted..hehe..stayed there for the nite but early morn he woke me up to c sunrise..
then had a day ard Sentosa to play the games n stuff..i love the luge ride..haha..so fun..after tat i was feeling so hot & sticky keep grumbling say i need to bathe..then another surprise..be already reserved a spa massage session at Sentosa Resort..it was shiok..msg halfway i fell asleep..cos too shiok aromatheraphy massage..wow..enjoyed man..but after everythin i feel so tired..juz wanna sleep..haha..

like wat i mentioned on my previous post..he'll definitely plan something for my off day..picked me up from home & as usual dun wanna tell me where we heading..until i saw PSA then i guessed he was goin Vivocity..brought me to eat Marche..cos i love the food there (but they no longer serve the rosti wif egg =( sob sob~ and the calamari dun taste as nice as the one at Suntec branch..sigh~but the sausage was good.he noes i love Marche so brought me there) after tat went to GV watch movie..then realized tat he actually online booked 2 tickets for GV Gold Class..the tickets quite expensive eh..but the experience was great..the seating was very comfy..can whole person stretch & lay down..seat adjustable..wif blanket on every individual seat..they'll come to ur seat & take ur order for food and drinks..shiok..hahah..

Thanks dear for everything~muacks muacks!

Taken at Vivocity..look as if i have short hair..but i look tired..cos many days not enough sleep le..look so tired..sob sob..but the nite was great with dear..

He was looking at the tickets for GV Gold Class..hehe..
Eating blueberry ice-cream..so cute~
This is 2nd round..OMG~c how much both of us eat..fattening siah..

today is my bday..applied for a day leave to sleep longer at home..woke up late morn to noe that i dun need to go for work is a shiok feeling..hahah..i really needed some rest..pamper myself on my bday to sleep longer..keke.. woke up to see alot smses fr frens..thanks for the greetings..to noe that frens still rem & make the effort to send greetings is a great feeling..

eve before bday eve went over to Jie hse ard afternoon..after banking in some cash for mummy..reach his place juz slack & rot watch TV wif angie & wendy in the living rm..after awhile i went to his room & juz knock out sleeping..took a short nap..woke up ard evening time..his mum cooked dinner..after tat Jie was talking wif his mummy in the dining rm for quite sometime..then angie & wendy pulled me to wendy's rm..both pass me bday presents..angie bought me a bikini (OMG~when can i slim down to fit in the bikini~) wendy gav me a small bear wrapped together wif some self-made stars..they were so sweet..thanks alot..after tat i was even more surprised when both of them actually went to WhiteSands during my nap to buy me a bday cake..i wasnt aware of it at all until they took the cake out..his family sang bday song for me & we had a small cake-cutting session.. ^^ i asked jie whether he was the one who planned it, but he said nope..it was both his sisters idea to buy the cake..felt so touched..keke..finally a sense of belonging to them..initially when me & him started, due to some incidents i think i dint leave a gd impression in his family hearts..but gradually i became closer to them & now i felt the sense of belonging..esp to the 2 sisters..thanks so much for the effort & thoughts..

after the cake-cutting session, jie brought me to KTV..wow i so long time no sing KTV le..i noe he still gotta wake up ard 6am the next morn for work but still he acc me at the KTV til 1am..my hp started beeping wif greetings msgs after 12am..thanks to friends who rem & made the effort to sms me..felt happy & appreciate their thoughts..hehe..
after tat headed back to my hse..i tot my parents were asleep le..but surprisingly they were not..then i realized tat it was him who smsed my mum asking if they could wait up for me come hme..he bought a Winnie the Pooh ice-cream cake (my favourite character) then again had a small cake-cutting session at my place..mum still insist not to b caught by the camera..sigh~she hates taking pictures..when will i get to take pic wif my mummy again..then in the end after clearing up & bathing, it was already 2+am..he waited for me to finish my shower..keep requesting to take 1 of my pillows to hug for the nite (cos i hav 5 pillows on my bed~) keep wanting the one i laying on..but funny thing is i keep flipping the pillows so many times without realising that there was a hidden package underneath..
it was nitetime + i wasnt wearing my specs + i m a blur sotong = i dint see the package at all until abt 3-4mins later..keke..he placed the present underneath my pillow..no wonder keep asking me for my pillows..i was still wondering how come he keep wanting my pillow..he wanted me to find the present myself..keke..so cute..open the package to see an exquisitive keychain..1 side wif winnie the pooh pic & wordings on my name and birthdate, the other side is our pic..it was sweet & nice of him..then he finally buay tahan knock out sleeping..morn ard 6am woke up le..c him so tired bcos of me felt quite bad..still was saying after work pick me up more programs to come..hmmm ask him oso dun wanna say wat..wait bah..but thanks for his efforts..even though he's so so tired still plan to celebrate my bday for me..thanks dearie..

The cake that Angie & Wendy bought..surprise~
Me & Wendy..Sweet Gal..
Me & Angie..Rise of sotong & sotong junior..muacks..
His family & the small cake-cutting session...
Me & Jie..At my place..he look so tired.. *sayang*
The ice-cream cake dear bought for me..i look like a little ger when i saw the pic on the cake..haha..love the cake lots..
Daddy & Daddy's girl..been so so so long since we took a pic together.. =)