Finally i had some decent rest..phew..its a sat & i slept til late noon..think been drainin my body too much..i hope i can hav more of days like this..juz sleep til watever time i wan..no need to go work..not thinkin or vexin abt anything..been sooo long since i can rest like this..work has been tedious & schedule has been hectic..well, all of us need to recharge ourselves once in a while isnt it..& i m glad tat i've the chance to do so..

The whole wk has been a bz one..cos of the overload of logs due to the holidays..but i've to say tat i m lucky to hav nice frens at work..they made work life much more enjoyable & most of the time i dun find goin to work a hassle..so i've been working hard on the logs..

Mon & Tue he wasnt in the mood to work..wanted to meet me but i was too tied down by work..so on Mon he ended up meeting wif tuatao for makan & games..Tue was wendy's bday..think cos of the tension of the quarrels he had wif his dad..me & his mum hav to do arrangements & plannin for dinner..so while rushing my work in office i was makin calls & smses to coordinate for the nite..so decided to hav dinner at Tampines..after work i went straight to Tamp & make reservations for 6 at Jack's Place..he went back to fetch his family & i waited for them at CS's Jacks Place..as expected both his & his dad's faces as solemn as ever..but me & the mum juz chatted within ourselves..after tat went back to his place & we had a cake-cuttin session for wendy..she was so happy to c the presents we gave her..& we all had an early xmas exchange tat nite..his mum was sweet to buy me a winnie the pooh storage case..i had always wanted to buy tat but cant bear to part wif the money haha..appreaciate his mum's thoughts..he slept quite early but i had a chat wif his mum in the living rm til quite late..i noe the mum also dunno wat to do wif him lah..there's always tension at home when things happen at work..sigh..

Wed was xmas eve..reached office immed can feel the joyous mood in the air..when i reached my desk i already saw alot of presents frm colleagues on my desk..awww so sweet of them..so whole morning most pple in office wasnt working..walking ard the office for xmas gift exchange & chattin..i only settled down & started on my work ard 11am..spent almost 2hrs skiving hahah..whole office was like tat..since lunch i heard pple frm other dept startin their xmas celebrations liao..was abit distractin but i've to force myself to work & complete my stuff in time..managed to finish all my stuff ard 5+..phew~ then its when the havoc starts..they were opening port wines & we all started drinkin & makin merry muahahahah..most of us drank til high..hee..we all had fun & i think were really noisy..but i think the whole office was in xmas mood so nobody cares..hahah..i had so so much fun in office that day.. =D

Ard 7+ he called asked me where i m..told him i m still in office..he asked if i wanna hav dinner wif his family for xmas..so i said ok..initially i was supposed to go to the lobster porridge place to meet them by myself..but 10mins later, he called..ask me to wait for him at Tampines instead said the dad decided to change place bcos of me (but i dunno how true was that lah) ended up pick me up at Tamp & went to Serangoon for hotpot..after tat he sent his family back hme & asked me if i've any plans in mind..i told him no cos no matter where we go sure packed..he kept askin if i've any place i wanted to go he'll acc me..but i really hav no cravin to go anywhere tat nite..so we decided that we'll go separate ways for the nite..he'll go meet tuatao they all & i go meet my gfs..he kept askin will i be angry if we dun spend the xmas eve together but i assured him i wont..i noe he has been stressed lately so i rather he spend some time wif his frens to chill out..& i can go hav fun wif my frens too..he said he still wish meet me after tat so passed me his hse keys for keepsake as we dunno wat time individual side events will end..

He sent me to St James to meet up wif eileen they all..dropped me & he went to meet tuatao they all straight i supposed..i met up wif eileen & vivien at Movida but subsequently suah to Boiler (i always like Boiler's music)..but eileen was quite drunk tat nite..Janice joined us after the movie & we were quite pissed off wif some patrons there..cos there were a few times when a few ah nehs tried to come near to us..argh..we juz want to hav some space by ourselves so we were abit harsh on them =P..left the place ard 4+..shared a cab wif Jan back to his place..i juz msged him told him i goin back cos i assumed he wont be back tat early if they r playin games at Katong..so i reached le..took a shower & concussed in bed..think i was too tired plus i had too much of drinks tat nite since office hrs..he called me using tuatao's phone ard 7 told me his hp batt flat & he's reachin home soon..but i was too tired plus abit of hangover i fell back to zzz after puttin down the phone..he reached hme took a shower..wanna wake me up for mac's breakfast but i was too tired to even keep my eyes open..next thing i noe, its 1pm in the afternoon..omg..

Woke up ard 1+ on xmas day..saw his watchin tv wif wendy in the living rm..had carrotcake for lunch then rot on the sofa wif them watchin tv too..watched Batman Returns on HBO..but still i prefer Christian Bale's version..esp Dark Knight was a classic..wif Heath Ledger..i watched the show twice but i dun mind a 3rd time hahha..after that his parents had BBQ for dinner so we all had a heaty dinner..he seemed more relax on tat day probably bcos it wasnt a working day..he was playin ard wif wendy thruout the dinner & even dragged me in..so ended up both of us had bruises over the arms cos went overboard..diaoz..after tat joined angie watchin Transformers on tv & that was another show i liked alot..Shia Labeouf is cute & Megan Fox is chio..the robots r cool too..durin the show he actually was leanin on my shoulder most of the time..which is so not him cos usually he's always so aloof & cold at hme..after we finished the show..went shower & went to bed..next morn he woke up wif a bad headache so took morn half off..ard lunchtime woke up & he drove me to bukit gombak for my appt & he left for office..

After my appt, went back home & went to Qetesh for facial hahah i noe i m pampering myself too much lately..but i think i've deprived myself too much for quite sometime..its time to pamper & love myself more..brought my mum there too..after tat reached hme watch tv til i dozed off on the sofa..ard 12 i received an sms frm an unknown no..asking me where i m & its frm him..told him i m at hme..he called sayin his hp batt flat again..told me he left his fren's wedding banquet & a few of them went Boat Quay for some drinks..said he wanted to go back hme but worried tat he cant wake up the next morn for work..asked me if he had spare casual clothes at my place so he can stayed over at mine for the nite..i told him he can try my brother's..then he ask me to wait up for him he'll be reachin in 30mins..so i ended up watching Arsenal & Aston Villa's match on tv wif my mama..she was so frustrated cos the ball possession most of the time was wif Aston Villa..hahah..she juz love Ars too much to accept that..but Ars scored & lead the game 1st..frm the way they r playin..i can say..that nite, Ars was damn heng & Aston Villa was suay..ahaha..cos i dun think Ars played well that nite..b4 the 1st half ends he reach my place..took a shower & went to bed..told me to wake him up early so we can go mac for breakfast..but i guessed most prob he cant de lah..he looked so tired..so i woke up slightly earlier & call mac delivery for breakfast..so when he is done changin & preparing to go work, the food come juz in time..so after breakfast he left for work & i went back to sleep til late noon hahahah..shiok to sleep late..

Actually i've been wondering, he has been wantin to eat Mac's breakfast so often lately was it bcos of me..cos i always like Mac breakfast (mayb cos it was the little time when i was young tat my dad will actually bring me out for mac breakfast)..cos he told me b4 tat he dun really hav the habit of eatin mac breakfast..but bcos of me he always brought me for mac breakfast during the initial courtship..mayb it was bcos of me, or mayb it was juz a habit out of the yrs being wif me..well i wont noe..& i dun think i wanna think too much abt tat..juz as long i noe he cares..sometimes like wat my frens said..he dun love me the way i wanted doesnt mean he dun love me..he's juz being a MCP & doesnt express well wif his words..come to think of it..if he dun love me, after being thru so much, he wont still be here le..sigh.mayb at this point of time i shouldnt think too much on anything..i juz need to heal frm the past & be a better person..

2008 is ending..only a few days left..2009 is approaching..i really look forward to 2009 cos it signify a new start..its enuf being so depressed & emo for the whole of 2008..enuf of torturing myself..i've wasted a whole yr being so low & depressed..this is juz so not me..not the XXJ i noe..its time to let go of the past & hav a new start..i hope the start of 2009 will be a turning point of my life..i dun wanna waste my time being upset & emo le..enuf is enuf..i realized alot of times nobody is makin me miserable, its my own thoughts that made myself so miserable for such a long time..I dun wanna b a helpless victim of my own thought,but rather a master of my own mind..i can control my mind de..i can discipline my thoughts..i m not so soft to let them control me de..tat phase i did lose control was bcos i became weak..no more of that weak Juan..i allow the weak Juan to stay weak for too long..i was the one who allow it to happen..but in fact i can actually control de..but i chose to let go of the reins & let my thought run wild ended up hurtin myself wif all those silly thoughts..i muz start regainin the strong me & start controllin my mind again..2009 shall indicates a new start..& this time round i muz do it..

Slept ard morn cos was watching HK drama..woke up ard 2+ had my lunch & has been wrapping xmas gifts til now..wanna take a break so came online & blog..hah..need to pin down stuff tat happened if not will forget abt them in time to come..

Last wk was a bz wk for me cos of the advancing logs period for the coming xmas..well, for the long holidays i think its worth it lah..last sat went to watch Bolt & find the dog damn cute hahha..thruout the whole show i was juz awww-ing non stop..after tat met up wif shir & xiaomei they all for mahjong but shir was super late haha..as for sunday,i actually spent the whole day rotting at hme..was abit disappointed when he dint call but managed to accept the idea that sometimes he juz wan time to fire gaze & rot by himself..ard late noon relatives came over & my hse was like a marketplace..after they left i was watchin Superman Returns & after that Love Actually on channel 5..i rem i used to like the show Love Actually alot..bcos of the story thats simple yet encouraging..i've lost faith in love & r/s so watching this kinda show was actually quite heart-warming..

But i think due to the insufficient sleep over wkend i overslept on mon..was late for work & in a daze thruout the day..but basically was juz workin & workin..cos too much work to b done..for mon & tue both nites he worked late & by the time he called me i m already reaching hme..he oso went hme straight after work..so i start to think wah since wkend we havent meet..4 days le..doesnt he feel like meeting me? but try to curb the tots cos think he was really tired so i juz went ahead do my own things..i managed to pack my drawers & hope to squeeze out time soon to start tidying my wardrobe as CNY is approaching soon le..i need to get my room tidy up b4 mum starts complainin..

Wed as usual i went to work slightly late..whole morn crappin wif foo they all while working..time pass faster like this..til knock off time juz when i decided not to b waitin for someone's call & go do my own things, he called..asked me wat i'll b doin for the nite told him i wanna go buy things..then he said that he had 2 free tickets for the movie The Day The Earth Stood Still asked me if i interested in watching..i told him if free tickets why not..so agreed to meet at TM for the 7+ show..ard 7 he called me said tat he'll be slightly late as he cannot find parking lots so asked me to collect the tickets frm the counter 1st..at that time i realized those were not free tickets, he booked the tickets online..hmm..was pondering y he cant juz tell me tat he bought the tickets himself..was it juz a prank or he juz being MCP..anyway went in to watch the show..the plot wasnt really fantastic..but Keanu Reeves is shuai~ hahah..after the show juz left TM & went back to his place..nothing much..but b4 sleepin he told me tat he had a quarrel wif his dad at work..but i dint noe the details cos he dint say much..sigh..

Thur as usual late for work..WTH i've been late for work consecutive 4days!! gonna get warning soon if this continues..argh..but lately juz feel so tired to get out of bed every morning..think nowadays whenever i drain my body too much over the wkend spending nites not sleeping the repercussions come in next few days..signs of aging lah haiz..worked slightly late on thur & he called me again ard 6+ askin if wanna watch movie Ip-Man..i was like wah its been so long we went for any date & so surprised tat he asked me out for movies consecutive 2 nites..so decided to go for the show cos i had wanted to watch this show..Donnie Yen is really good as the character Ip-Man..i enjoyed the show more than previous day cos the whole show was really good..after tat we left the building & i realized tat he drove co lorry instead of his car..so asked him y..he said angie borrowed his car to sch so he drove ah fai's lorry..after that he told me tat he quarrelled wif his dad again..& he feel really tired & vexed..actually at tat moment of time i was thinking..is this the reason y he asked me for movies consecutive 2 days..mayb juz wanted time away frm work & his dad..but decided not to let my thoughts run too wild & be there for him..he said he dun feel like goin back hme..so i suggested goin over my place..he seemed so vexed yet i dunno wat to do to make him feel better..felt lousy at that moment..reached my place he juz had 2 cans of beers & went to zzz..haiz..in the end we dint really talk abt anything..

Fri morn woke up went to work..after tat dint hear frm him & i worked OT til ard 9+ that nite..called him & he told me later will be meetin overseas cust so i noe i wont b hearin frm him soon liao..initially planned to go back hme & rest early then shir msged me..so met up wif her at AMK hub to buy dinner then head to her sis place at Bukit Batok..her sis went holidays wif the hubby so shir has to go over & feed the 2 dogs, Dexter & Roxy..went there saw the dogs & Roxy gav birth to a few puppies..its been soooo long since i c puppies that r so young..went to touched & played wif them for awhile n felt really gd abt it..i juz love puppies & the feeling of seeing new born puppies is juz so miracle its so hard to describe tat feeling..after tat juz nuah on the sofa & dozed off til 5am in the morn!! i think i was too tired to realized tat..shir woke up ard the same time & she sent me back hme..reached my block had a short rest & chatted til ard 7 then i went back hme feeling so damn tired.had a shower then drop dead on bed ard 9..

Woke up ard 12+ on sat decided not to spend the whole day at home..went to CWP for xmas shoppin & i think i spent quite alot =( after tat called up Qetesh to book appt for facial & pedicure..went hme after shoppin for dinner then head straight to Qetesh for my appt..i dozed off during the facial treatment hahaha..after tat did the pedicure & lady boss chose a color tat i nv tried b4 hehe..tat nite juz nice her maid brought her baby gal over to the shop & i had a fun time playin wif the bb while doin pedi..she's such a friendly & bubbly baby tat the slightest thing we do she chuckles..i almost forgot that he dint contact me the whole day when i packed my day wif doin my own stuff..ard 8 then angie msged me tellin me tat they r having co event..i dint wan to say much cos i noe tat whenever its work i noe i'll b neglected..so juz pamper myself the whole day wif things i wanna do..felt quite gd actually..after tat head hme took a shower & started watching tv..he called me ard 12+ midnite..tellin me he's at hme havin some co event think was BBQ or wat i dint ask..told me he was abit drunk..asked me y were i lookin for him hrs ago cos i called him after my facial but no ans..he said he juz saw my missed call then i told him nothin much..told him i m at hme & he said he was too..i was abit sian so i told him tat he dint tell me abt the event how would i noe where he is..he said was too bz tat it slipped off his mind..sigh..then he asked if i wanna meet him i told him no cos i m comfortably in my bed liao..then we hung up the phone..was abit affected but juz decided not to think abt it & continue my tv marathon til morn..

Slept til quite late today but still feeling tired..later still gotta finish the few discs that mum rented so she can return to the vcd shop on mon..as usual on sundays he should be at hme restin so no news frm him yet & i decided to juz let it be..at times will think that last time he used to wan c me everyday..but now not like last time le..he's more focus on his own stuff..sigh..but i think i better dun think too much juz do my own things i'll feel much happier..well, mayb i need to think abt some stuff le bah..sigh..but well gotta tide over my bz pre-holidays work schedule 1st b4 i do anything..jiayou bah..tml will b start of a new wk..cheong in work~will be starting of a new yr soon..hope 2009 is a better one no matter in wat aspects of my life..

Was chatting wif HuiJun on msn..was saying that 2008 has been a bad yr for me & i m glad i survived..she asked me to list 10 things i achieved in 2008..i cannot do it..so she list for me..this is so funny..hahah..see wat she listed for me.. =P

The 10 achievements that HuiJun listed for me~hahaha

1st: finally not regret abt XX
2nd: u learned to doll up more

3th: u realised being with XXXX make u more emo

4th: u still can eat alot

5th: u make new frens - huijun n queenie

6th: u realise tt crying in a bus is stupid

7th: u realise the importance of the positive thinkings

8th: u still can win in mahjong

9th: u still can mix ard well with ur colleagues

10th: U can learned and be the one u wan to be

Went to Andy Lau's concert last nite..he's fantastic! i enjoyed myself thruout the whole concert..
I wan an Andox plush~ hahaha..

Had a long wkend cos of the hari raya holiday..met up wif PY last wed..for dinner & la kopi..missed the meetups wif her..by the time i reach hme almost 12 le..hahah..

Thur worked late..he called ard 6+ tellin me he leaving office..but i juz continue to work..called me again ard 7+ told me he meetin Borg to discuss some stuff..then i juz told him go ahead i goin back to work..he reacted in a way which i nv expect..he said "muz so fast put down cannot chat awhile ah?" hmmm quite not him..so chatted wif him for a short while..nothing much asked where me & PY went the nite b4 and how come i m working late..but halfway thru the chat Stanley actually walked past & teased me sayin "work lah dun talk on the phone" then he say nvm ask me go work..hahah i dunno whether i should scold or thank Stanley..after tat left office ard 8+ went TM to buy dinner & while waitin in the queue an Indian guy tried to strike a conversation wif me & asked for my no..i rejected & sms Janice & Yong to tell them abt it and as i expected they had a real gd laugh!

Fri was a rush day at work for me..cos of the long wkend we've to close more logs..but i managed to finished everythin ard 7+ & left office..was still wonderin how come he dint contact me for the whole day & he called frm office..told me he still in office asked me where i m..told him i m at Tamp then he said called me back later..so i went ahead to do my stuff & ard 8+ he called again..asked me if i goin anywhere later i said no then ask him wanna meet mah..he said ok but he sick & tired goin hme..so ended up i da bao to his place & slept early that nite..

He's supposed to wake up at 7 on sat but he asked me to wake him up at 630 so i guessed he might hav wanted to bring me for Mac's breakfast..but frm my guessed i noe its not possible to wake that heavy sleeper up de..so i tried once ard 6.40 he dint wake up i juz let him sleep til 7+..after tat i went hme & after a shower i was bored so i continued wif Heroes S3..watched til ep 8 finally noe wat teh hell they r talking abt..cos S2 was a flop & early eps of S3 were in a mess..took a 2hr nap after lunch & decided to join pet society cos HuiJun was so so strongly recommending it haaha..& thanks to her i found another way to pass time..& the game is soo cute..was playin wif it til i really forgot how fast time flies..cos when he called me at 7+ i dint realized the timing at all..told me he juz left office so we met up for dinner..had dinner at the place beside SIM for 纸包鸡..after that head back to wdls & he asked me wat i wanna do..i asked if he wanna go for a movie he said ok..but after tat i changed my mind cos i c him still feeling unwell..but still he insisted to go for the movie but he wanna rest awhile in the car..so i went to guardian to buy med for him..back to his car he already dozed off..seein him like tat i juz let him sleep..while i played my hp games..while waiting a actually broke my game record! this is funny..he only woke up after hrs & asked how come i dint wake him up to go movie..well,i dunno izzit bcos i m understanding or i juz feel guilty to drag him watch movie when he's feelin tired & sick so i decided to let him sleep for hrs without disturbing him..after tat i feel tired & juz decided to go home..

Sunday was my cousin's wedding dinner at Mt Faber..i woke up in the afternoon..played & chatted wif HuiJun on Pet society til late noon then i started getting ready..she said i muz dress up nice & pretty hee..initally wasnt in the mood cos of the strain that my parents were hoping him to go for the dinner wif us but he dint wish to..but decided not to think abt it..juz doll up & go for the occasion..reached the place & saw alot of pple whom i've seen b4 but cant rem their names..i m like wearing a mask when talking to them..pple praised that im gettin prettier & a guai daughter but for me the only thing that i was hopin frm the praises was for my mum to feel proud..i noe how much injustice my mum suffered when she was younger frm this side of relatives..so i told myself i muz be a daughter that can make her proud in front of these pple..& i think i did well..
During the wedding, i realized that i m not looking forward to getting married at all..& worse i do feel a little fear abt this issue..wats wrong wif me..to hav lost faith & hope in this..i hope i can regain the faith in time to come & be happily married then..

After the dinner, uncle ah bee & uncle ah lam jio dad for karaoke & drinks..their wives oso urged my mum to go..so as their daughter i followed them along cos i noe my mum will b bored i can be there to acc her & my dad wil get drunk if i dun help him wif the drinks..ended up at Shenton Way ktv..& i think i drank more than 10 mugs of beer..i lost count after the 8th mug i think..he dint msged me the whole day til ard 1am askin me how was the dinner?probably he was afraid of my parents asking him to join thats y he waited til that hr to contact me..sigh..told him the dinner was ok & me wif dad they all for drinks..he said he's watching tv & cant get to sleep juz like the nite b4..i told him to get some rest & went back to my drinks..ard 3+ he msged me again asked me where i m..but i only saw the msg half hr later so replied him that i m still outside wif them..after tat no reply frm him oso dunno izzit he dozed off or wat but i was quite high at that pt of time liao..reach hme forced myself to bathe & concussed straight on bed wif my hair still wet..that was 6am..duh..

Slept til 2+ in the afternoon..woke up feeling groggy cos of the late nite yesterday & the dunno how many mugs of beer i drank..decided not to waste my day rottin at home so went to rebond my hair..chose a neighbourhood saloon cos cheaper than the usual Kimage i went to..msg him to tell him but he dint reply until 5+ told me he was sleepin & watchin tv now..that he msged me ard 3+ last nite cos he cant get to sleep..hmm was wondering wat can i do to help the nite b4 actually..when i m outside wif my relatives..asked him to rest well since its a holiday then i went on wif my rebonding session..

Reached hme juz in time to watch the last ep of 心晴大动员 hosted by Christopher Lee & Quan Yi Feng..ended up crying while watching the show..not only i emphatize wif the pple in the pgm, i oso felt damn guilty for not makin much effort to make my life better despite my having more than them..they r such strong warriors fightin the obstacles in their lives..i really really hope that i m courageous enuf to start afresh soon..the past has no power over us..the past is over & done..it doesnt matter how long we've had a neg pattern, the point of power is in the present moment..i need to choose to release the past & forgive everyone,myself included..i may not noe how to forgive, n may not want to forgive, but the very fact that i said im willin to forgive begins the healin process isnt it..it is imperative for my own healing tat i release the past & forgive everyone..well i noe easier said than done..but i muz force myself to kick bad habits rite..

Oh ya got to talk wif HuiJun lately..who say EX's ex cannot be frens?hahahha..we can click quite well cos i think somehow we've similar personalities..but she's much more positive than me in life..she said that she's goin to be my mentor in healing heehee..& shared wif me alot things frm the past..well, pple may not seem as wat they r even though u might hav known them for many yrs..haiz..anyway, its over..i had a really bad 2008 when i spent most of my time in pain, tears, anger, hatred & all neg stuff..i hope that 2009 can be a fresh start for me..& a better year..jiayou!

This is how i look like on sunday before i went for cousin's wedding..keke..

Did a personality juz now..tis is the result..

Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education:
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:
You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.