This will be my last post on this blog..my new blog is up on wordpress..i really look forward to a brand new start of my life..it's never too late to be who i want to be..better late than never..we can draw lessons from the past, but we cannot live in it..i've been living in the past for too long..

Sometimes, the happiness of most pple we noe is not ruined by great catastrophes or fatal errors, but the repetition of slowly destructive little things..i've been destructive towards myself for the longest time..i seriously believe that this thing call 'failure', is not the falling down, but the staying down..

It's better to light a candle than to curse the darkness..so i am going to take baby steps in a new beginning..if i take care of the moments, the years will take care of themselves..so i need to start doing something..

This blog is filled with too much negativities & burdens that haul me from moving on in life..i've always been living in miseries caused by past hurts which happened long ago..actually we might never be so happy or unhappy as we think..alot depends on our thoughts..i need to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of my will..

I'll keep this blog one side like a pandora's box which shall not be open unless there's really a need..so goodbye here & hello there!

After much considerations i think enough is enough..i had enough of me sinking in depressed mode..i need a fresh start..i need to try..n the 1st step is to discard this blog & start a brand new one..with no history of wat happened past few yrs..this blog is filled with too much unhappiness & negativities..somemore i think blogger has been giving me problems lately..maybe i will switch to wordpress..gonna start doing something soon..

Friends who know me well enough will know where to get the blog site for my new blog when it's ready =)

I hope the new blog will be up by CNY..brand new start~

I dozed off on my sofa last nite without removing my makeup & contact lens! that was how tired i am..what damage will this do to my skin..damn it..

I am thankful to have friends who r willing to keep me company without asking anything..was dragged out yesterday to the chinese physician for my leg injury..physician said that the damage is abit too serious so she need to 放血 around the wound area..i almost fainted when i saw the amount of blood being drained out of the wound..the pain that the process brought was so excruciating that i teared when she was rubbing the wound..need to go for another session next week..gosh can i take it? =~(

Went to the arcade after dinner..wow i had a good time letting it out there..played with the hammering of beavers & i almost destroyed the machine..smacked the beavers so hard to let out my frustrations..played with Daytona too, if only i can drive more in real life..also the basketball hoop, doubt alot pple can challenge me with that game, i am good~ hahah..played a stupid game of drumming but the graphics is sooo cute that i cant resist trying..ended with DDR (how about the physician's advice of resting my leg =P) oops..had a great time even though i felt silly doing all these at this age..hah..

Caught a midnite movie "Toothfairy" as i think i needed a light-hearted comedy at this point of time..The Rock is still as amusing as ever..did made me laughed watching the show..i need more shows from this genre now!

But the moment i reached home i started thinking again..the revolting feeling came again..so i decided to take a short break in the living rm but i ended up dozing off completely..the comical part is my dad also dozed off in the living rm so mum woke up seeing 2 pple on extreme ends of the sofa forming a 'L' shape..ha!

Having the minor symptoms of infection again! think might need to pay a visit to the specialist again soon..the rate of it occuring for the past half yr is a tad too often..i cant take it..everytime i feel it i rather break my leg in exchange to feel better..the physical state plus the emotional state i am in now, i seriously feel like dying (not as in the depart this life die, but rather vanishing somewhere) i dunno how to explain in words..maybe i need a trip away from here..

Suffering from hangover now..plus a splitting headache..drinking myself silly doesnt help much..i cant sleep..i should be going to the chinese physician for my leg injury but i cant get my butt out of the hse..I dunno who can i talk to so here i am..need to let things out..dun ask me what happened..

I dun wan to elaborate on it..all along i roughly knew what was going on then..the qualms were never gone ever since..but when the concrete facts were placed right in front of me, the impact is harsher than what i can handle..when i saw the contents, i died on the spot..i felt thunderstruck..its like an arrow pierced straight thru the heart..my whole chest clenched..its a very disgusting feeling..

Few days are too short for me to put everything behind & be ok..i tried & i am still trying..but is trying alone enough? what if even trying hard wont make everything alright again? i dun feel like waking up cos the moment i am awake, i felt the clench on my chest..how to get rid of this horrendous feel..i wish to juz disappear..feel so weak now..

Took leave on coming monday & tuesday..i am glad i've a long wkend to juz calm myself down..will be bringing my mum out for cny shopping on mon..havent decide on where to go..my mind is not functioning now..

On a happier note, i am watching drama "You're Beautiful" now..the only thing that can bring some smiles to my face..i love the casts in that show..all of them..simply young & full of energy..i want a pig-rabbit too~ hahah..

Was sent to the hospital A&E on monday morning at 4am..had a high fever plus hyperventilation..doctor diagnosed as acute upper respiratory tract infection due to negligence of previous throat infection..so the infection affected the whole airway & caused a high fever..i cant even breathe properly by the time i reached hospital..was on mc for 3days yet my body is still not fully well..never been so sick for a long long time..

I was practically "unconscious" for the first two days..mum told me that i slept thruout..dint even wake up once to drink or eat or even go to the toilet..she had a scare..i think i really frightened my mum out..she really took so good care of me that i felt bad for making her worry..sorry mum =( she was really by my side almost every hour cos i was in a very bad state..despite her arm in pain due to ailment, she massaged my head everyday cos she knows i m in great pain..no one in this world can ever replace what my mama meant to me..
I love my mum..

Tml will be Kururu's last day in office..juz this thought is enough to bring me down..who should i turn to in office when i feel emo in future..no one will be there to share the jokes that only the two of us understand..i dun wan to imagine the days at work after tml..

All these while..there are alot instances that i actually knew the truth behind the deceits..more than anyone expected..I juz chose to overlook them again n again..but i cant comprehend when more occurrences pile up..reaching threshold soon..

Witnessed Rachel & Wilson's wedding solemnization at Grand Hyatt today..Im so happy that they finally tied the knot..been so many years..i get along very well with her good friend Sherald & younger sis Nicole..so today was fun!! helped out with the dolling up of the bride & coordination of the guests..i seriously think that girls are much better coordinators as compared to guys =P

I remember this part when Wilson came into the room to look for some stuff after we finished helping the bride with the do up..so he saw Rachel all dolled up sitting on the bed..he gave a shy & admiring look while saying in a soft voice "wife u look beautiful" can u imagine the awwwww we girls had at that moment? this is so awfully sweet~

During the whole solemnization ceremony, they looked at each other affectionately that everyone in the room can feel the bliss surrounding the couple..i wonder if ever one day i get married, will my groom look into my eyes with the tender loving feel? i almost shed tears when i was listening to Wilson's wedding speech to Rach..this is how it feels when u see close girlfriends going thru the wedding ceremony..the joyfulness is really from the heart..

Took a few quick shots before the ceremony starts..Rach & Juan..

Its a start of a new year..time really flies..welcome 2010!!

I dun remember looking forward to 2009 when i was counting down on the last day of 2008 a year ago..i was too emotionally wrecked then to wish or hope for anything..2009 was considerably better..i did not spend my new year countdown feeling depressed nor in tears, in fact i had quite an enjoyable countdown this year..simple yet fulfilling countdown..i've a good feeling that 2010 will be a better year..be it for me or the people around me..i'll embrace 2010 with smiles & love..happy new year to all my loved ones! =) Live.Love.Laugh.

Last day of 2009..first round of steamboat at Sharon's place..

Second round of BBQ at jie's place watching fireworks..