Its feels wonderful to be feeling good about urself..been a long time since i felt so..but i had that feeling again yesterday..why do i say so? cos i had a crappy day..not enuf sleep since Macau trip, came back still cant get to sleep, both legs injured cos i fell off the stairs n the pain is killing me, bad cramps n pms, etc..for all these i m supposed to be feeling like shit rite? but i dint..in fact i felt good abt myself & all these doesnt stop me from feeling happy..even when i was walking back home last nite, i felt the way i carry myself reminded me of wat i was in the past..i hope that me is really coming back..if thats the case i'll be super super super happy!!! =)
I've to make sure this positive feeling last till i m fully ok~

He called to ask me about my leg injury despite being with his dad & customer drinking..was surprised cos its been quite long since he did that during work..really heart-warming.. brought a smile to my face after i put down the phone hehe..oso said he'll helped me wif it tonite..whee~ =D Anyway, yesterday my dad rubbed it for me & i was literally tearing in pain..i cant rem the last time i teared due to pain..that was how painful my wound is =~( screamed when daddy rubbed it & think i heard mum laughin from the toilet when she heard my screams..duh~but still i m glad that i have my loved ones taking turns to help me wif the injury cos i dun dare to rub it myself..the pain is too intense for me to take..

My injury..the whole area was dented (think i hurt the bone) & the bruise covered such a big portion of my left leg..i have not mention the sprain on my right ankle..the real thing looks scarier than the picture actually..hahahah.. (ay why am i laughing about this~ fainted)

Juz came back from Macau..had a good trip wif the gals =D will juz briefly jot down wat happened during the trip now..details will be coming soon after i consolidate the pictures from all cameras~hehe..

We stayed at The Venetian during the trip..the hotel is fantastic! i was mesmerized by the building when i reached the place..its really beautiful..think Macau is really mini version of Las Vegas casinos everywhere..the thing that disappoint me was that there isnt much places to shop in Macau =( n its freaking difficult to get a cab on Macau streets..

1st day: had a quick lunch cum dinner then headed to Macau Fisherman's Wharf which is like a theme park consisting of retail shops, bars n entertainment venues..after which we return to The Venetian to shop at the Grand Canal Shoppes within the hotel..the shopping mall reminds me of Paragon, which means i will not spend $ buying the expensive branded stuff over there..ended up juz window shopping til the shops closed..had an early nite as all of us were deadbeat from the plane journey & walking..

2nd day: first destination was Senado Square..the main square is paved wif a wave-pattern stone mosaic that extends frm Senado Sq to St Paul's..there r some shops at Senado Sq so we walked along the stretch til we reach The Ruins of St Paul's..in the heart of the old city stands the great carved stone facade of St Paul's that was remained of the first church & college of the Jesuits in China..along we saw a few churches & really felt that the architects there r truly beautiful.. Left for Macau tower after Senado Sq..the tower is the 10th highest in the world..it's an elegant construction offerin a paranomic views all over Macau..u can actually do bungee junp & skywalk there..but i dun hav the guts to do so =P we ended the nite watching "Zaia" performed by Cirque Du Soleil..Zaia is a circus show that highlights dance, movement & aerial aecrobatics..super fascinated by the show..

3rd day: went to Zhu Hai but i think we miscalculated the time so dint have much time shopping around (i wanna go again!! cos i noe that i'll definitely enjoy the place alot if i've more time n money there) anyway,bought some stuff & kanna scolded by Shir cos i kept buying things for family & him instead of myself =P hahah..

4th day: had a good dim sum breakfast & did some last min shopping at the hotel..when we reached airport typhoon no.3 hosted but luckily the plane wasnt delayed..had a super uncomfortable journey back cos of the turbulences caused by the typhoon..but overall i loved the trip wif the gals =D

I realized thruout the whole journey the gals r really taking good care of me..always making sure that i m enjoyin, not feelin bored, not feelin hungry, n always givin the best stuff to me..all juz wanna ensure i enjoy the trip hehe..Shir told me once that everytime she's wif me she feel like taking gd care of me..hahah i think the rest of the gals felt so too? n yes i really love the feeling of being taken care of =D

He came n fetch me from the airport after work..i appreciate everything for the nite..esp the part where he helped me rub the injury hee =) (oh i fell off the stairs at Macau airpot juz before i board the plane) n he seemed to like the pressies i got for him..think he felt the same way as the gals too that why i m not buyin stuff for myself, cos he said this trip was supposed for me to enjoy myself how come i ended up buying things for everyone else except myself..oops =P (ok lesson learnt, will try to think more for myself in my next trip hehe) i hope its not my hallucination, cos i felt from his tone he felt 心疼 seeing me not pampering myself..anyway, we ended the nite sweet~ =)
I love the way things are goin between us lately..so please let this bliss last~

I dunno when will be my next trip overseas..but i m super looking forward to it~
I promised that i'll love myself more & not always puttin everyone else in front of me..will try to live more for myself..

Here are some of the pics taken for the trip..i'll upload more on Facebook after i consolidate all the photos..hehe.. =)

The gals~ Huiping, Shiryee, XingJuan, Davina
At Singapore Budget Terminal

The hotel where we stayed - The Venetian (beautiful place)

Macau streets..welcome to Macau~

Senado Square..weather was freaking hot that afternoon

Portugese egg tarts..one of the best tarts i ever had~ yummy!!

Ruins of St Paul's..magnificent piece of architect

Lego figure of Macau Tower

At the grand staircase in front the Ruins of St Paul's

After watching Zaia..the heart-shaped balloon given at the end of the show =)

This is the interior of The Venetian..look so much like outdoor..

While waiting for the plane back..super tired looks..hahah..yawn~

I am so happy!! finally after so long we r having pillow talks =) yesterday before sleeping i was tellin him about my wkend when he was not around..after few mins of babbling non-stop was thinking whether he was bored by my stuff so asked him about it..he said no & asked me to tell him my stuff so that he'll know..all along when i dun say out he doesnt know..be it i m happy or unhappy i dun share much so he's not aware..told him i m worried that he might be tired or bored by my stuff when he's thinking about work..but he said he wont..cos if i dun tell him wats happening in my life he wont know..so he said in future ask me to tell him watever i wish to say..delighted to know that he's actually concerned about wats happening in my life..i m happy that we r communicating =D i dunno how to describe how glad i felt last nite...
Please let this happiness last~

I havent done any packing at all & tmr is my Macau trip..omg~how last min can i be..haha..Had a hard time finding a digicam for my trip..i should have juz bought it when i had the impulse previously!! finally borrowed one frm Yongxin..hehe..i m going to take lotsa pictures for this trip!! stay tune folks~ =D

Ever since the talk on sunday,my mum seems to start thinking abt wat i told her..which i think is a good thing..i really dun wish to see her always making herself unhappy in the family cos of dad & bro..think she was really surprised by me for speaking out my mind..there r times i need to let her see the facts & stop making herself miserable..its really heartbreaking to see her so unhappy till her health suffers..told her i love her n she has been a great mum so dun be too hard on herself..i think she has been talking to me in a nicer tone since then =P maybe she knows how much it hurts for me to always be the venting person whenever she's pissed with them..

Had another talk with her last nite when i got home..told me abt wat she might want to do when she feels that my bro is matured enuf to take care of himself (which i think that day wont come anytime soon) glad to hear that from her..she really need to think more for herself..she was telling me alot of stuff that dad did to hurt her ever since they were together (hearing all these from young is one of the reason i have phobia in marriage) i think she really went thru alot hardships since young..really wish she can start living for herself & be happy..women should be treasured no matter which stage of relationship they r in..

Jan sent me a few Super Junior clips to watch during lunch..they never fail to make me smile =) i really really want to watch their concert live!! anyone can grant me this wish? =P
and i juz received new songs to add to my playlist..woohoo~ =D

I think the sms he sent me last nite when he reach home from the trip was super sweet~ hehe =D

I really need someone to be here for me now~
Its really tough to be alone most of the time when needed someone to be there =~(

Woke up early yesterday at his place & had breakfast with his mum while he was still sleeping..chatted for quite awhile..got abit affected by the conversation but decided not to brood over it..
He woke up quite late so rushed to get his car then head back to office before he head to msia for his business trip with Raymond..on the way he wanted to buy lunch for me,but looking at the time i noe he was already very late so told him i'll settle myself..actually the nite before i was planning to have a good breakfast with him before he leaves for the trip, but i had no chance to tell him as he was back home very late, plus the fact tat dun wan him to rush..i should have juz said it out rite? silly me always keeping things to myself..alot times dint wan to say out cos i dun wish him to disrupt his work schedule bcos of me..sigh..where to find such a good gf~hahah..

Almost slept my whole sat away so woke up early today..called to book for facial appt at 3pm..cant rem when was the last time i went for a facial..need to pamper my skin more even though i think my complexion is not bad =P hehe..i love doing facials =) He juz msged me from msia asking if i've anything in mind to buy he'll buy for me..happy to get that msg =D i was hoping for something i can use or keep cos been quite sometime since i received those kinda presents frm him..actually at that point of time, i was hoping i can be there buying the things together with him =P

Asked my mum about the luggage issue..i really dun understand how come my mum can practise favourtism till such an extend..i really really dun understand =~( sob & she juz admitted to me tat yes she dun dare to lose temper at my bro at all even she's pissed off at the ridiculous requests he made..i know tat i shouldnt be too upset abt it..but i cant help when she is so 偏心..others will never believe how extreme her 偏心can get..n alot of times the words she uses can be very destructive..i think brothers r very bad for our self-esteem..
Anyway,watching 古灵精探B..it's really funny & i love the pple working at D.I.E. hahahah =D their jokes can crack me up like nobody's business..but i had a frustrating time loading the videos..i want a new laptop!!!

I wished..i can have more chances to replenish my sleep like yesterday...
I wished..i made the right decisions in my life regardless of what aspects...
I wished..he will msg me more in everyday life when he has the time...
I wished..my mum will appreciate what i've done for her...

Went to Tampines One Sushi Tei to have welcome lunch for our new member in the team Alexis..think she need to get used to the madness of our team =P i love Sushi Tei~ i ate so much tat i m feeling super sleepy now..yawn~ i need plenty plenty of sleep!

Ever since my mum's call i've been pondering should i still go for the Macau trip..feeling abit sian =( Shir called last nite, said she did the calculations, ask me not to worry & go ahead wif the trip..scolded me tat i've deprived myself too much for too long already..its juz a short trip wif the gals to relax & i deserve the break..so think i'll still go for the trip..

Been wantin to tell him abt it but no chance cos he was wif customers last nite..sometimes feel like sharin more stuff wif him, but his work is busy & taxing so i always tell myself to be understanding not to giv him any further stress..i'll always wait before updating him my stuff cos i dun wan to disturb him when he's working..m i askin for too much if i wish tat we can communicate & talk more? another thing on my wish list is to go for overseas trips wif him, i noe its tough given his hectic schedule..i hope this wish will come true someday =)

I noe this sounds silly..but these thoughts suddenly crossed my mind..i wish i can b well taken care of..i wish i dun need to worry so much for my family..i wish that i m pampered like a princess by my loved ones..i supposed this is the 小女人side of me..but well its silly lah..its juz some random thoughts haha..cos i noe i should be jolly well takin care of myself & i m capable of doing so..
好想有个可以任性和撒娇的地方~

Anyway, this picture was taken quite sometime ago..
Love the black & white effect of the photo =)

Taking a short break for lunch so decided to blog..feel like havin comfort food so having LJS nw =) wif add on skin-on potato chips..catching up abit on HK drama now while eating..

Yesterday met up wif him after work..he called up & initially wanted to meet up for dinner..but i think i was whiny bcos of the call from my family previously so dint end the call in a happy note..after tat met up at Tamp Mall cos i need to buy a pair of slippers as mine snapped..when we met up he was juz jokingly teasing me abt the chat we had on the phone previously but i think i got abit defensive & upset..ended up buying MOS burger & fishcake home for dinner..

After tat went petrol station juz to buy my fav ice cream..but i think i was still sulking..so he actually initiate to tell me some stuff..he asked why i've to harp on the teasing part n b unhappy & yet ignored the positive part tat he actually went to Tamp Mall, parked the car, came up to fetch me acc me buy dinner then bought ice cream & go home together to enjoy dinner with each other's company..

Actually i was abit surprised when he said that..cos usually he'll juz keep quiet whenever things happened..but to a certain extend i felt happy =) cos finally after so long we r having real talks, rather than always juz keepin mum to avoid quarrels whenever we feel unhappy abt wat happened..so i decided to curb my usual defensive mode & listen patiently to wat he said..n yes it make sense..to me communication is very impt cos we get to express how we feel & let the other person noe wat we r thinkin..when we talk to each other nicely abt wat we r unhappy about, the other party will listen & think rationally..
In fact, wat he told me was really wat i've been thinkin abt recently isnt it..focusin on the right things not to make myself unhappy..whole journey back other than the teasing part,he was really nice to me, but i overlooked tat & keep harpin on the wrong issue..i felt so bad abt it esp when he still talk to me nicely, insisting he wasnt angry juz telling me so i wont keep makin myself upset..i think both of us changed alot..our temper & the way we handled things..n i believe both r changing for the better =)

Thanks to the talk, i felt alot better when we reached home..not only i straighten out my thoughts, the communication feeling feels great too..he brought his laptop out to dining rm n we watched 绝代商娇while eating dinner..funny show & the leading guy is really very very smart in the show..i think 黄子华is the only guy in HK tv serials tat is likeable even though he doesnt has a fine-looking face =P he's really funny..i think intellectual men r so much more attractive than juz plain good-lookin guys..think the tension was gone when we got home..we were laughin hard at the show & sharin a tub of Ben's & Jerry ice cream after dinner =)
I wish..i can spend more quality time with him..

I m glad tat i've pple ard me who hav always been helping me to pick myself up when i slump for the past year..
I will be a better person..i've confidence in myself =) the Juan that used to be bringin laughters & having positive influences to the pple ard me will be back..focus gal..focus...

Worked late on fri nite..The gals called me ard 7+ saying wanna come find me for dinner..so they came all the way from Queensway Ikea to my office to pick me up..hahah..omg touched..this is how far gfs will do for one another hehe..met up had dinner together..when i finished dinner smsed him but no reply i guessed he dozed off, so decided to catch a midnite show wif the gals..we were lucky to get quite good seats despite buyin tickets last min..watched "The Ugly Truth" a romantic comedy film starring Katherine Heigl and Gerard Butler..we had a fun time laughin seein the differences in thinkin of men & women in the show =D after tat went hme & watch online shows til 5 in the morning..
The next few shows i wanna watch is "The Time Traveller's Wife" & "The Sister's Keeper", felt enticed to watch them after readin the reviews & seein the thrillers..

Woke up ard noon on sat..dint hear from him so decided to call him..he was still at office & told me he'll b goin to customer's office for lunar 7th mth dinner..called me a few times to update me his schedule & i really really appreciate that..i think its nice & sweet for pple to update their other half of wat they r doin..its helps in keepin the other half more secured..i'll do so constantly too..
Since i m free,met up wif Shir for dinner at civic centre's mac..halfway thru Zhen msged so last min decided to meet up & play mahjong..we started the game after dinner & i won the most for the nite =P lady luck seems to b shining on me =)

I did not sleep a wink on sat nite so i knocked out on sunday late noon after accompanyin my mum for grocery shopping..he called once ard 6+ when i was napping but i think i was so tired i cant rem a single thing i told him on the phone (tat was how tired i am)..his sis called me ard 9+ askin if i goin over but i was still too tired to respond to her & when i finally got myself out of bed to call him back it was already 10pm..so after the talk wif him on the phone both think it's too late for me to travel alone again..i noe tat he felt like seeing me but appreciate the thought tat he dint wan me to take a cab there alone..actually a part of me felt like seein him too cos havent saw him for days but another part of me agreed tat its abit late to meet up today..so decided to meet up tml instead..

My bro juz came into my room..passing me the stuff he bought for me from his Bangkok trip wif his gf..seems like they really had a good shopping trip..makes me feel like going too..anyway,he bought me 2 pouches (pink & purple), 2 sleeveless tops (black & grey), 1 pair of slippers & a few packets Winnie the Pooh travel pack tissues (cos he noes i like tat series) n the pictures r really cute! i wonder if i'll use them at all..
I rem bk oso bought me some pooh tissues when he saw them in KL last mth =P

I wish..that me & the pple who r important to me will be more expressive in our thoughts...
I wish..i can go overseas trip with my bf too...
I wish..i can be healthier & happier...

I cant explain why but i suddenly had the urge to change my blog skin template..felt that the old template can be easily associated wif stuff in the past tat i dun wish to think about..n to a certain extend i felt tat a new blog skin signifies a new start from this point of my life..

I chose a simple blog skin & hope tat i'll light up this blog with my entries..I instantly felt better & soothed after seeing the new blog skin =) i hope that my blog will b a place where i pin down my thoughts & happenings in life, not juz an outlet to vent my frustrations when i dun feel like talkin to anybody..i hated reading my posts backwards cos everytime when i do so i felt the pull at my heart..so i juz set my blog homepage settings to show entries that r after the very low period of my life..bcos this thing called emotions, i dun really wan to feel it anymore..

I realized i really need to focus on the right things..there r some things in this life that r important & a whole lot that arent important..we r responsible for everythin in our lives..we create our experiences by our thoughts n our feelings..no person, no place & no thing has any power over us..when we create positive feelings in our mind,we'll find it in our lives..I have the power to choose what i want to think..n we all need to have faith in life..i feel that faith is daring the soul to go beyond what the eyes can see..so,when fear knocks at ur door, answer it with faith..

I treasure this moment now when i m feeling good & i m going to be here..not anywhere in the past..i will b a better person..for myself & the pple around me who really care for me..
n i hope pple around me will cherish me as wat i am..

Had team lunch at Say Cheeze today for Kelly's farewell as she'll b transferring to adsales..as usual me & Ching had a great time taking random pics =P
I love taking pics wif loved ones~
Its a pity tat a few of my loved ones dun really like taking pics =(

I suspect tat i had minor food poisoning or stomach flu..ever since sunday nite my tummy felt weird..n monday morning when i reached office i puked my breakfast out & felt giddy whole day..after lunch i again puked my lunch out..
Shir called me ard late noon heard tat i was like that she actually came over to my workplace to pass me isotonic drink & offer to send me back..wah, i think if she's a guy sure alot gals die in her hands =P hahah..

Went for company's sneak preview of the movie "Gamer" at Cineleisure last nite..i've 2 free tickets for the show so i asked him on monday nite if he's keen on watching it..actually dint pin too much hopes on him saying yes cos he has been busy..but he said should b ok unless he need to work OT cos he need to stay to lock the office after everyone leaves..so yest afternoon i smsed him to ask if he still can make it but no reply..called him after work asked he said he replied ok to my msg but i dint receive it..haiz..he told me he still in office will rush down later..so i went down wif Jan they all to collect the tickets 1st..

Reached Cine & collected the tickets..they actually gav us a free goodie bag consisting of AXN Beyond premiums..which i think i've most of them already =P he reached 10mins earlier so we met at level 6 to get food..we bought popcorns, nachos & skin-on potota chips (yes my tummy not feelin too gd so dun pity me if i puke myself to death hahah)

After the movie we were both so tired so decided juz to head straight hme..the movie was so-so..not as fantastic as i expected =( but nvm i enjoyed the process of watchin the movie =)

On our way back,his colleague called then i realized he actually left the office earlier & ask her to lock the office for him so he can make it for the movie premiere..upon hearing tat i felt bad for asking him to come so i actually said sorry to him..he looked stunned n asked me y say sorry cos not my fault..hmm i oso dunno y the sorry came out of me..he mentioned he promised me the previous nite he'll make it he will make it de..at tat point felt happy & sweet cos i think i really love the feeling of promises being kept as i hated empty promises since young..
after tat i asked him if next time i've such movie premiere lobangs will he wanna come again? he said ok ah..which i think i was abit surprised cos i always tot he dun like to join my co events..so i felt glad to hear his answer =)

I think i m happy last nite..and i think to most gals..when they feel loved, they love more in return isnt it..i'll hav to start to focus on the right things..i need & will use little things in life to sustain the positive feelings..

I hav to keep the faith tat i've started to get back bit by bit..I have to..

ooh..Shir msged me this morning..she got the job!! felt so happy for her!! =D she'll b starting her new job in Oct..i told her i'll 养 her for another mth then she say i m at advantage cos i juz 养 her for past half yr & she'll 养 me back for the rest of my life =P wahahahah..

Had a chat wif a fren whom has not contacted me for quite long..chatted abt the issues tat hav been bothering me for sometime..i actually felt better after the chat..probably i got to view the issues frm another perspective so i can try to think of them logically instead of using my emotions to evaluate..

I love eating Ben & Jerry's ice cream in Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough n the one who bought me the ice cream..

Went to msia wif the gals over the wkend..3 of us..Zhen was not really in a good state so decided to hav a short getaway wif her..it was so last min decision so i actually dint bring anythin wif me hahah..the wkend was juz rest, relax, eat, chat..Zhen told me her cousin rem me as 'the pretty one' hahah tats a compliment hee..& the whole trip the gals keep saying i smell nice hahah probably my scent attract gals? juz wanna say tat i m glad we gals hav one another in our lives =) gfs rocks~

Sometimes i really wished..tat i dunno alot of things..to noe some stuff, tat is enough to shake the faith i m startin to get back..i think i need more assurance to keep it goin..
Anyway, dun wan to dwell on stuff for too long..mayb it wasnt as bad as i thought..or actually those stuff wasnt such a big deal at all..

So, here r the few pics taken over the wkend..

Zhen & Juan
Zhen, Shir , Juan
The 3 long overdue doggy keychains..Juan, Shir, Zhen

Self entertaining while waiting for Zhen

Trying out the anti-shake & auto-focus in Shir's moving car