I finally colored my hair to a darker color..hope it wont fade into light again so soon.. =P

Ah Foo made each of us a toy wahahah..this is mine~looks like me?

FORGIVING~

Alot of things happened lately..i realized that life is really unpredictable..who noes after her medical consultation outcome will be like this..she told me she believed in karma now..i suddenly realized that alot things tat happened in the past doesnt matter now..i juz hope she'll tide thru & get well..the same applies to whoever i've been holding grudges against..

Last yr was a very difficult yr for me..i thought i was goin to die at every step, but i dint..i survived..alot of issues resulting in anger & depression..but i realized only after i accepted the situation can i begin to recover frm it..mayb look at it this way: the storm has passed, my personal landscape has changed..its the beginning of healing..I rem reading a phase frm a book "You r not going to live your life unscathed" & i totally agree wif it..most pple hav the expectation tat life's supposed to b happy, but we r adults, we noe tat there r always mountains & valleys..at some point of time, many of us will face life-challengin trials tat knock us to the ground..n wat i noe now is how we pick ourselves back up, how we take tat pain n turn into somethin powerful for myself tat matters..we r stronger than we noe..some setbacks may seem permanently disabling, but everyone goes thru them at some point & their lives go on..life mayb altered, but not broken..human beings r hardwired to survive..we r tougher than we think..

I realized..i m in charge of how i react to pple & events in my life..i can either giv negative power over my life or i can choose happiness instead..need to take control & choose to focus on wats impt in my life..those who cannot live fully often become destroyers of own life..sometimes, if we realized how powerful our thoughts r, we will nv think a negative thought..

Healing is not easy..it involves overcomin some degree of resentment..it's very tempting to bear a grudge against whoever or watever i think compromised my happiness in the first place n i think i've been holdin on grudges to alot of things & pple..but its proven that resentment festers & it is as unhealthy as an open wound..when a deep injury is done to us, we nv recover until we start to forgive..
I rem seeing a fren's msn nick "for every minute u remain angry, u giv up 60 seconds of happiness"..actually tat is so true..if i havent forgiven someone, it does not hurt tat person..that person sleeping at nite..i m holding on to that n all the damages is being done to me internally..when i learn tat me being angry wif tat person has no power over them, it only has power over me..so do i let this go or do i hold on to it? what happened in the past has happened, but i m slowly releasin the anger, bcos when i was angry it held me back..

When i dun forgive another, i objectify tat person, hardering him/her into a particular mold..in order to nurse a grudge, i always hav to think of the other person as "the one who hurt me"..but this is only a portion of that person's being..So long as i hold on to the frozen image of the other person, the 2 of us will continue to play out the same dynamic..forgiveness renders the relationship fliud again, allowin me to see other aspects of that person..n me too, r freed to live more fully, not frozen into one posture..this applies to every r/s aspects..kinship, friendship & love..

Blaming is a waste of time..no matter how much faults i find wif another, regardless of how much i blame another person, it will not change me..the only thing blame does is to keep the focus off me when i m lookin for external reasons to explain my unhappiness or frustration..i may succeed in makin another feel guilty abt something by blaming, but i wont succeed in changin watever it is abt me tat is makin me unhappy..Forgiveness does not equal forgetting, it is abt healing the memory of the harm, not erasing it..i think when one forgives, we create a possibility of a better future - for myself & for the person im forgiving..

I think now i start to learn to live..living meaning living in the present - not in the past or future..living in the moment diminishes anxiety abt the future & pain associated wif the past..i need to focus on valuing wat i have now..

I noe it sounds cliche, but i think we all need to find a way to hold on, bcos time really does heal alot wounds..pain is temporary, it may last a min or an hr or a day or a yr or even many yrs..but eventually it'll subside & something else will take its place..if i quit tryin, the pain last forever..i take charge of my own healing..i m part of the solution, not a passive victim..Healing is a slow process, it takes patience..

Actually in 3 words i can sum up everything i've learn abt life haha..
"It goes on" =)

Saw this quotes from an email.. Kururu u muz see these..

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
1. Free ur heart from hatred
2. Free ur mind from worries
3. Live simply
4. Give more
5. Expect less

No one can go back & make a brand new start. Anyone can start from now & make a brand new ending. God didn't promise days without pain, laughters without sorrow, sun without rain, but he did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears & light for the way.

Disappontments are like road humps, they slow u down a bit but u enjoy the smooth road afterwards. Don't stay on humps too long. Move on!

When u feel down because you didn't get what u want, just sit tight & be happy, because god is thinking of something better to give u.

When something happens to u, good or bad, consider what it means. There's a purpose to life's events, to teach u how to laugh more or not to cry too hard.

You can't make someone love u, all u can do is be someone who can be loved, the rest is up to the person to realize ur worth.

The measurement of love is when u love without measure. In life there are very rare chances that u'll meet the person u love & loves u in return. So once u have it don't ever let go, the chance might never come your way again.

When u truly care for someone, u don't look for faults, u don't look for answers, u don't look for mistakes. Instead, u fight for the mistakes, u accept the faults & u overlook the excuses.

Its been 2 wks since Foo went for reservice..its really not easy to cope without team leader around plus the fact of being one man down in the team..been working late lately..fell sick start of this wk, given 2 days mc by the doctor but still went to work..think i've been lookin really sick for the whole wk..& the best thing is: its my bday! ahhh!!

Still went to work on my bday despite me being sick..but mayb bcos it was my bday on wed so i was more chirpy despite the fact of being sick..juz tat my eyes were really puffy (my eyes juz swell whenever i m sick..dun understand why!) whole day rushing work hoping not to stay too late in office on my special day..but ended up still worked late =S

But i had a nice bday =)
ard lunchtime, recep called to say that there's something for me at the counter..so i went over to collect & it was a bouquet of roses frm him..abit surprised but feelin happy..msged him thanks..then went back to work..
continue to bury myself in work til ard 4+ suddenly i heard a hoarse voice singing happy birthday song frm the back..sounds abit creepy though..turned over saw yongxin holding a birthday cake & the rest gathering up ard to sing me bday song..that was a surprise so i can feel my face blushed lol..after which they played a prank on me saying that the basketball was my bday present cos i've been lackin exercise..then after some fooling ard, they finally passed me the real present..it was an Agnes B voyage makeup pouch..nice~ keke cos i will nv pay so much juz for a makeup pouch..its lovely~ think they all cannot take my old makeup pouch, kept complainin its ugly haha..anyway i love the new one they got for me..immed changed to it that very nite keke..

Shir came to office to pass me a card & a smiley face cushion for my bday..she was shocked to feel my body temp & went "omg gal u havin a fever & still came to work on ur bday??" hahah..

Later in the nite, he called ask me if i wan dinner tog after work..so waited for me knock off picked me up frm office & went to east coast park for dinner..kept asking wat i wan i said i wan Jap food cos not so heaty so i asked if theres any sushi tei nearby but apparantly no frm wat we noe..so decided on Waraku instead..juz b4 the turn into Waraku he suddenly mention tat there another new area at east coast wif new restaurants asked if i wanna go take a look so i said ok & to our surprise, theres a sushi tei at the new area! so went to hav late dinner there..i dint eat alot cos i was really feeling unwell but he seemed to b worried that i dint eat enuf so asked a few times if i wan order more & commented i ate so little..since i wasnt feeling well, went back hme after the dinner..keke..but i think the day was good except the little hipcup for which i was sick..

Here r the pics taken in office on my special day..

*Yongxin wearing her mask trying to sing my bday song with tat hoarse voice!*

*Bouquet frm him sent to the office*

*Bday gal with the flowers*