Ever since my mum's call i've been pondering should i still go for the Macau trip..feeling abit sian =( Shir called last nite, said she did the calculations, ask me not to worry & go ahead wif the trip..scolded me tat i've deprived myself too much for too long already..its juz a short trip wif the gals to relax & i deserve the break..so think i'll still go for the trip..

Been wantin to tell him abt it but no chance cos he was wif customers last nite..sometimes feel like sharin more stuff wif him, but his work is busy & taxing so i always tell myself to be understanding not to giv him any further stress..i'll always wait before updating him my stuff cos i dun wan to disturb him when he's working..m i askin for too much if i wish tat we can communicate & talk more? another thing on my wish list is to go for overseas trips wif him, i noe its tough given his hectic schedule..i hope this wish will come true someday =)

I noe this sounds silly..but these thoughts suddenly crossed my mind..i wish i can b well taken care of..i wish i dun need to worry so much for my family..i wish that i m pampered like a princess by my loved ones..i supposed this is the 小女人side of me..but well its silly lah..its juz some random thoughts haha..cos i noe i should be jolly well takin care of myself & i m capable of doing so..
好想有个可以任性和撒娇的地方~

Anyway, this picture was taken quite sometime ago..
Love the black & white effect of the photo =)

Taking a short break for lunch so decided to blog..feel like havin comfort food so having LJS nw =) wif add on skin-on potato chips..catching up abit on HK drama now while eating..

Yesterday met up wif him after work..he called up & initially wanted to meet up for dinner..but i think i was whiny bcos of the call from my family previously so dint end the call in a happy note..after tat met up at Tamp Mall cos i need to buy a pair of slippers as mine snapped..when we met up he was juz jokingly teasing me abt the chat we had on the phone previously but i think i got abit defensive & upset..ended up buying MOS burger & fishcake home for dinner..

After tat went petrol station juz to buy my fav ice cream..but i think i was still sulking..so he actually initiate to tell me some stuff..he asked why i've to harp on the teasing part n b unhappy & yet ignored the positive part tat he actually went to Tamp Mall, parked the car, came up to fetch me acc me buy dinner then bought ice cream & go home together to enjoy dinner with each other's company..

Actually i was abit surprised when he said that..cos usually he'll juz keep quiet whenever things happened..but to a certain extend i felt happy =) cos finally after so long we r having real talks, rather than always juz keepin mum to avoid quarrels whenever we feel unhappy abt wat happened..so i decided to curb my usual defensive mode & listen patiently to wat he said..n yes it make sense..to me communication is very impt cos we get to express how we feel & let the other person noe wat we r thinkin..when we talk to each other nicely abt wat we r unhappy about, the other party will listen & think rationally..
In fact, wat he told me was really wat i've been thinkin abt recently isnt it..focusin on the right things not to make myself unhappy..whole journey back other than the teasing part,he was really nice to me, but i overlooked tat & keep harpin on the wrong issue..i felt so bad abt it esp when he still talk to me nicely, insisting he wasnt angry juz telling me so i wont keep makin myself upset..i think both of us changed alot..our temper & the way we handled things..n i believe both r changing for the better =)

Thanks to the talk, i felt alot better when we reached home..not only i straighten out my thoughts, the communication feeling feels great too..he brought his laptop out to dining rm n we watched 绝代商娇while eating dinner..funny show & the leading guy is really very very smart in the show..i think 黄子华is the only guy in HK tv serials tat is likeable even though he doesnt has a fine-looking face =P he's really funny..i think intellectual men r so much more attractive than juz plain good-lookin guys..think the tension was gone when we got home..we were laughin hard at the show & sharin a tub of Ben's & Jerry ice cream after dinner =)
I wish..i can spend more quality time with him..

I m glad tat i've pple ard me who hav always been helping me to pick myself up when i slump for the past year..
I will be a better person..i've confidence in myself =) the Juan that used to be bringin laughters & having positive influences to the pple ard me will be back..focus gal..focus...

Worked late on fri nite..The gals called me ard 7+ saying wanna come find me for dinner..so they came all the way from Queensway Ikea to my office to pick me up..hahah..omg touched..this is how far gfs will do for one another hehe..met up had dinner together..when i finished dinner smsed him but no reply i guessed he dozed off, so decided to catch a midnite show wif the gals..we were lucky to get quite good seats despite buyin tickets last min..watched "The Ugly Truth" a romantic comedy film starring Katherine Heigl and Gerard Butler..we had a fun time laughin seein the differences in thinkin of men & women in the show =D after tat went hme & watch online shows til 5 in the morning..
The next few shows i wanna watch is "The Time Traveller's Wife" & "The Sister's Keeper", felt enticed to watch them after readin the reviews & seein the thrillers..

Woke up ard noon on sat..dint hear from him so decided to call him..he was still at office & told me he'll b goin to customer's office for lunar 7th mth dinner..called me a few times to update me his schedule & i really really appreciate that..i think its nice & sweet for pple to update their other half of wat they r doin..its helps in keepin the other half more secured..i'll do so constantly too..
Since i m free,met up wif Shir for dinner at civic centre's mac..halfway thru Zhen msged so last min decided to meet up & play mahjong..we started the game after dinner & i won the most for the nite =P lady luck seems to b shining on me =)

I did not sleep a wink on sat nite so i knocked out on sunday late noon after accompanyin my mum for grocery shopping..he called once ard 6+ when i was napping but i think i was so tired i cant rem a single thing i told him on the phone (tat was how tired i am)..his sis called me ard 9+ askin if i goin over but i was still too tired to respond to her & when i finally got myself out of bed to call him back it was already 10pm..so after the talk wif him on the phone both think it's too late for me to travel alone again..i noe tat he felt like seeing me but appreciate the thought tat he dint wan me to take a cab there alone..actually a part of me felt like seein him too cos havent saw him for days but another part of me agreed tat its abit late to meet up today..so decided to meet up tml instead..

My bro juz came into my room..passing me the stuff he bought for me from his Bangkok trip wif his gf..seems like they really had a good shopping trip..makes me feel like going too..anyway,he bought me 2 pouches (pink & purple), 2 sleeveless tops (black & grey), 1 pair of slippers & a few packets Winnie the Pooh travel pack tissues (cos he noes i like tat series) n the pictures r really cute! i wonder if i'll use them at all..
I rem bk oso bought me some pooh tissues when he saw them in KL last mth =P

I wish..that me & the pple who r important to me will be more expressive in our thoughts...
I wish..i can go overseas trip with my bf too...
I wish..i can be healthier & happier...

I cant explain why but i suddenly had the urge to change my blog skin template..felt that the old template can be easily associated wif stuff in the past tat i dun wish to think about..n to a certain extend i felt tat a new blog skin signifies a new start from this point of my life..

I chose a simple blog skin & hope tat i'll light up this blog with my entries..I instantly felt better & soothed after seeing the new blog skin =) i hope that my blog will b a place where i pin down my thoughts & happenings in life, not juz an outlet to vent my frustrations when i dun feel like talkin to anybody..i hated reading my posts backwards cos everytime when i do so i felt the pull at my heart..so i juz set my blog homepage settings to show entries that r after the very low period of my life..bcos this thing called emotions, i dun really wan to feel it anymore..

I realized i really need to focus on the right things..there r some things in this life that r important & a whole lot that arent important..we r responsible for everythin in our lives..we create our experiences by our thoughts n our feelings..no person, no place & no thing has any power over us..when we create positive feelings in our mind,we'll find it in our lives..I have the power to choose what i want to think..n we all need to have faith in life..i feel that faith is daring the soul to go beyond what the eyes can see..so,when fear knocks at ur door, answer it with faith..

I treasure this moment now when i m feeling good & i m going to be here..not anywhere in the past..i will b a better person..for myself & the pple around me who really care for me..
n i hope pple around me will cherish me as wat i am..

Had team lunch at Say Cheeze today for Kelly's farewell as she'll b transferring to adsales..as usual me & Ching had a great time taking random pics =P
I love taking pics wif loved ones~
Its a pity tat a few of my loved ones dun really like taking pics =(

I suspect tat i had minor food poisoning or stomach flu..ever since sunday nite my tummy felt weird..n monday morning when i reached office i puked my breakfast out & felt giddy whole day..after lunch i again puked my lunch out..
Shir called me ard late noon heard tat i was like that she actually came over to my workplace to pass me isotonic drink & offer to send me back..wah, i think if she's a guy sure alot gals die in her hands =P hahah..

Went for company's sneak preview of the movie "Gamer" at Cineleisure last nite..i've 2 free tickets for the show so i asked him on monday nite if he's keen on watching it..actually dint pin too much hopes on him saying yes cos he has been busy..but he said should b ok unless he need to work OT cos he need to stay to lock the office after everyone leaves..so yest afternoon i smsed him to ask if he still can make it but no reply..called him after work asked he said he replied ok to my msg but i dint receive it..haiz..he told me he still in office will rush down later..so i went down wif Jan they all to collect the tickets 1st..

Reached Cine & collected the tickets..they actually gav us a free goodie bag consisting of AXN Beyond premiums..which i think i've most of them already =P he reached 10mins earlier so we met at level 6 to get food..we bought popcorns, nachos & skin-on potota chips (yes my tummy not feelin too gd so dun pity me if i puke myself to death hahah)

After the movie we were both so tired so decided juz to head straight hme..the movie was so-so..not as fantastic as i expected =( but nvm i enjoyed the process of watchin the movie =)

On our way back,his colleague called then i realized he actually left the office earlier & ask her to lock the office for him so he can make it for the movie premiere..upon hearing tat i felt bad for asking him to come so i actually said sorry to him..he looked stunned n asked me y say sorry cos not my fault..hmm i oso dunno y the sorry came out of me..he mentioned he promised me the previous nite he'll make it he will make it de..at tat point felt happy & sweet cos i think i really love the feeling of promises being kept as i hated empty promises since young..
after tat i asked him if next time i've such movie premiere lobangs will he wanna come again? he said ok ah..which i think i was abit surprised cos i always tot he dun like to join my co events..so i felt glad to hear his answer =)

I think i m happy last nite..and i think to most gals..when they feel loved, they love more in return isnt it..i'll hav to start to focus on the right things..i need & will use little things in life to sustain the positive feelings..

I hav to keep the faith tat i've started to get back bit by bit..I have to..

ooh..Shir msged me this morning..she got the job!! felt so happy for her!! =D she'll b starting her new job in Oct..i told her i'll 养 her for another mth then she say i m at advantage cos i juz 养 her for past half yr & she'll 养 me back for the rest of my life =P wahahahah..

Had a chat wif a fren whom has not contacted me for quite long..chatted abt the issues tat hav been bothering me for sometime..i actually felt better after the chat..probably i got to view the issues frm another perspective so i can try to think of them logically instead of using my emotions to evaluate..

I love eating Ben & Jerry's ice cream in Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough n the one who bought me the ice cream..

Went to msia wif the gals over the wkend..3 of us..Zhen was not really in a good state so decided to hav a short getaway wif her..it was so last min decision so i actually dint bring anythin wif me hahah..the wkend was juz rest, relax, eat, chat..Zhen told me her cousin rem me as 'the pretty one' hahah tats a compliment hee..& the whole trip the gals keep saying i smell nice hahah probably my scent attract gals? juz wanna say tat i m glad we gals hav one another in our lives =) gfs rocks~

Sometimes i really wished..tat i dunno alot of things..to noe some stuff, tat is enough to shake the faith i m startin to get back..i think i need more assurance to keep it goin..
Anyway, dun wan to dwell on stuff for too long..mayb it wasnt as bad as i thought..or actually those stuff wasnt such a big deal at all..

So, here r the few pics taken over the wkend..

Zhen & Juan
Zhen, Shir , Juan
The 3 long overdue doggy keychains..Juan, Shir, Zhen

Self entertaining while waiting for Zhen

Trying out the anti-shake & auto-focus in Shir's moving car

Had a really bad day yesterday..esp when mum's call came in juz before i knock off..i was actually v frustrated to hear abt the whole issue..but i think i m handling it fine..juz plain frustrations..grrr..when will everything end?? but not to worry, i'll settle everything one by one, no matter how hard it is..nobody at hme will do anything even the ones causing the troubles..so i gotta stay strong for her & the whole family..i've faith i can deal wif anything tat comes along the way..cos i think i m actually stronger in mind than alot pple..but mum actually asked me not to go back hme so early juz in case i slaughter the 2 men at hme..m i tat scary?haha..

After work went to suntec Kuishinbo for Jap buffet wif Jan & Yong they all for dinner..think i whacked so much salmon tat i'll dream of salmon..haha..had a full dinner & lots of laughters wif them..even though i was feeling unhappy bcos of wat happened but i think pulling a long face in front of others will not help & will make them worry for me..i m doin well =)

He called at ard 10..asked where i m & if i need him to pick me up..ended up decided to meet at Sengkang so he can send tuatao back then pick me frm the train station..think its been too long since i left Suntec in public transport..the walk frm Kushinbo tower to the main tower then to the mrt station almost killed me..the whole journey frm Suntec --> City Hall --> Dhoby Ghaut --> Sengkang seemed so long..by the time i reach it was almost 11pm..met them at the station..he said they were frm Tamp,but Tuatao mentioned they actually parked the car elsewhere after they left Tamp & waited for me & started grumbling..grrr..think those who drive will nv understand how tedious & time-consuming it is to take public transport hahah..after sending Tuatao back he asked me to drive..so i drove frm Sengkang back hme..cant rem when was the previous time i drove so was abit nervous..i made it back safe & sound..but i still cant park the car damn it~he still need to manoeuvre the steering wheel for me..sigh..i need to learn how to park a car properly!!
But i was surprised he was ok wif the wait at Sengkang juz mentioned he was tired..mayb he noes i had a bad day bah..but still i've not told him wat happened..m i used to not sharing my stuff?i hope not..cos even though when i say things out i do not need pple ard me to help n deal, i actually need a listening ear & support..but no matter wat its my life & own issues, i'll still hav deal wif them myself *wink* stay positive & things will juz turn out fine..juz need to unclutter issues one by one..*fighting~*

Dint really sleep last nite cos there were alot of things in my mind..cant really keep my eyes open..i feel like a panda now~hahah Anyway, these r the pics we took at Kushinbo..i dint on the flash so turned out to b dark =P

Taking pic wif the cute bear outside Kuishinbo..

*Salute* the dog is sooo cute..So is Ching..hahah

XingJuan & PeiChing..but this pic is far too dark..

Eileen & me~ Think we both ate the most yesterday =D

Me & the pink guava dessert (they actually gav me the dessert juz bcos i like pink)

Lovey Dovey wherever we go~hahaha..

Ching, Amy & Juan..with the crabs..

Kelly wif her new perm hair..

Another dark shot..Ching & me..wif Eileen's hand tryin to disturb frm the side..

Janice & XingJuan..Evil twins behaving themselves..

Did a test on coloured bottles..Below is the result..hmmmm...

颜色瓶要你凭直觉寻找伴侣。你想要的是一个懂得爱你，疼你的人，这只有凭感觉才能做到。颜色瓶也显示你希望这个人能在某方面与你更贴近，或是在某方面能更深入了解你。事实上，可能一直梦想和你心爱的人一起环游世界，或是和他分享你的人生经验。 别担心，你的心会指引你找到真爱，最重要的是你是否有毅力坚持到底？

Had department lunch on 230709..went to F.I.S.H. @ Tamp One..Here r the pics taken on tat day..me & my gals in office =)


Me & Ching in the bus..Lovey Dovey

The 4 alien frogs..Tamama, Keroro, Kururu, Giroro..

Yong & me~

Juan, Jan, Yong, Ching, Annie, Eileen, Kelly

Lao popo & Lao gonggong~muacks!

The group pic..the waiter was like our personal photographer tat day..poor thing..

The evil twins..Janice & XingJuan

Fri nite met up wif Shir for dinner & ended up at Peranakan Place..ordered few bottles of beer..but the sinful part was the cantonese chicken wings + potato wedges wif the combination of cheese sauce & mayo!! omg~ but they taste superb!! love unhealthy food haha..n we got bottle of beer free frm the bar manager..woohoo~ pretty gals do hav advantage? =P oops
chatted wif her abt our lives recently & i noticed she is like the me last yr..wat she's goin thru nw is so similar to wat i went thru last yr..causin her to b paranoid & insecure..i totally understand how she's feeling when she told me abt her life lately..frm someone who went thru tat i can c where she come frm, but at the same time i hope she will stop torturing herself mentally..i noe how heavy & emo it can b when we struggle wif our own thoughts in the head..it juz suck all ur energy dry & u r equivalent to living dead..frankly speaking i think i was 'dead' last yr..but nw i started living again..i hope she can do so too cos its really painful to c a fren goin thru these shits..we all deserve to b happy..

Sat met up wif PY for dinner ..had dinner at Ajisen..we ordered 2 sets of ramen + 4 side dishes..n we finished up almost everything! *wat abt the diet thingy i've been saying for past few days!!* i juz keep stuffin food into my mouth..at this rate i'll nv slim down~
anyway,saw her honeymoon pics wif wilson..so freaking nice..they went for a 26-days trip to Italy & France..the sceneries & buildings in the pics r so nice & it juz feel so romantic..i m so happy to c her blissfully in her marriage..she's really one of the frens tat i cherish & i feel so bad for not meetin up wif her often..but even not meetin up that often we dun feel distant at all, think tats the foundation of our frenship =) & i m always happy meetin up wif her..
After Ajisen we met up wif Der for la kopi at Starbucks..had steamedmilk + Oreo cheesecake not long after my Ajisen dinner!! argh!! but had a super gossipy session..i think we will all go to hell for being for gossipy..hahah but we had fun laughing & duh-ing at the bitchin session..haha..meet up again soon ya!

This few days noticed a patch of rash on my leg..& i think its not healing..reminds me of the eczema prob i had in my early 20s..i had a patch of rash on my foot then & no matter how many doctors i went to it juz wont heal..i rem v clearly durin tat period of time i suffered everyday..cos tat patch will itch v badly after which the itch will turn into pain then the skin will crust n peel..n the sensations get worse at nite whenever i wanna sleep..& it only healed after 1+yr..
i m so scared tat it might b the same issue again & am v bothered by it actually..if its the same i dun think seeing doc will help..nw tryin to apply med cream on it to c if it helps..but i doubt so cos been days but i c no change in the patch..& seriously its making me frustrated..grrr..but nothin i can do nw, juz gotta observe it for the next few days..

But still i think other than tat i m doin great..despite wat happened in my life, i think i m handling things alot better..b it any aspect..feel more positive & i think pple ard me can feel too..i m glad i m really startin to heal..thanks to all the pple who were there for me during the lowest period..i pulled thru =) i cant say i m fully ok, but i def much better than b4..hah..

Oh ya watched Super Junior's Exploration of Human Body Ep 5 abt experiments of laughters..i almost laughed myself to death..totally lost control while watching the ep..lol..they made my day =D

I finally colored my hair to a darker color..hope it wont fade into light again so soon.. =P

Ah Foo made each of us a toy wahahah..this is mine~looks like me?

FORGIVING~

Alot of things happened lately..i realized that life is really unpredictable..who noes after her medical consultation outcome will be like this..she told me she believed in karma now..i suddenly realized that alot things tat happened in the past doesnt matter now..i juz hope she'll tide thru & get well..the same applies to whoever i've been holding grudges against..

Last yr was a very difficult yr for me..i thought i was goin to die at every step, but i dint..i survived..alot of issues resulting in anger & depression..but i realized only after i accepted the situation can i begin to recover frm it..mayb look at it this way: the storm has passed, my personal landscape has changed..its the beginning of healing..I rem reading a phase frm a book "You r not going to live your life unscathed" & i totally agree wif it..most pple hav the expectation tat life's supposed to b happy, but we r adults, we noe tat there r always mountains & valleys..at some point of time, many of us will face life-challengin trials tat knock us to the ground..n wat i noe now is how we pick ourselves back up, how we take tat pain n turn into somethin powerful for myself tat matters..we r stronger than we noe..some setbacks may seem permanently disabling, but everyone goes thru them at some point & their lives go on..life mayb altered, but not broken..human beings r hardwired to survive..we r tougher than we think..

I realized..i m in charge of how i react to pple & events in my life..i can either giv negative power over my life or i can choose happiness instead..need to take control & choose to focus on wats impt in my life..those who cannot live fully often become destroyers of own life..sometimes, if we realized how powerful our thoughts r, we will nv think a negative thought..

Healing is not easy..it involves overcomin some degree of resentment..it's very tempting to bear a grudge against whoever or watever i think compromised my happiness in the first place n i think i've been holdin on grudges to alot of things & pple..but its proven that resentment festers & it is as unhealthy as an open wound..when a deep injury is done to us, we nv recover until we start to forgive..
I rem seeing a fren's msn nick "for every minute u remain angry, u giv up 60 seconds of happiness"..actually tat is so true..if i havent forgiven someone, it does not hurt tat person..that person sleeping at nite..i m holding on to that n all the damages is being done to me internally..when i learn tat me being angry wif tat person has no power over them, it only has power over me..so do i let this go or do i hold on to it? what happened in the past has happened, but i m slowly releasin the anger, bcos when i was angry it held me back..

When i dun forgive another, i objectify tat person, hardering him/her into a particular mold..in order to nurse a grudge, i always hav to think of the other person as "the one who hurt me"..but this is only a portion of that person's being..So long as i hold on to the frozen image of the other person, the 2 of us will continue to play out the same dynamic..forgiveness renders the relationship fliud again, allowin me to see other aspects of that person..n me too, r freed to live more fully, not frozen into one posture..this applies to every r/s aspects..kinship, friendship & love..

Blaming is a waste of time..no matter how much faults i find wif another, regardless of how much i blame another person, it will not change me..the only thing blame does is to keep the focus off me when i m lookin for external reasons to explain my unhappiness or frustration..i may succeed in makin another feel guilty abt something by blaming, but i wont succeed in changin watever it is abt me tat is makin me unhappy..Forgiveness does not equal forgetting, it is abt healing the memory of the harm, not erasing it..i think when one forgives, we create a possibility of a better future - for myself & for the person im forgiving..

I think now i start to learn to live..living meaning living in the present - not in the past or future..living in the moment diminishes anxiety abt the future & pain associated wif the past..i need to focus on valuing wat i have now..

I noe it sounds cliche, but i think we all need to find a way to hold on, bcos time really does heal alot wounds..pain is temporary, it may last a min or an hr or a day or a yr or even many yrs..but eventually it'll subside & something else will take its place..if i quit tryin, the pain last forever..i take charge of my own healing..i m part of the solution, not a passive victim..Healing is a slow process, it takes patience..

Actually in 3 words i can sum up everything i've learn abt life haha..
"It goes on" =)

Saw this quotes from an email.. Kururu u muz see these..

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
1. Free ur heart from hatred
2. Free ur mind from worries
3. Live simply
4. Give more
5. Expect less

No one can go back & make a brand new start. Anyone can start from now & make a brand new ending. God didn't promise days without pain, laughters without sorrow, sun without rain, but he did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears & light for the way.

Disappontments are like road humps, they slow u down a bit but u enjoy the smooth road afterwards. Don't stay on humps too long. Move on!

When u feel down because you didn't get what u want, just sit tight & be happy, because god is thinking of something better to give u.

When something happens to u, good or bad, consider what it means. There's a purpose to life's events, to teach u how to laugh more or not to cry too hard.

You can't make someone love u, all u can do is be someone who can be loved, the rest is up to the person to realize ur worth.

The measurement of love is when u love without measure. In life there are very rare chances that u'll meet the person u love & loves u in return. So once u have it don't ever let go, the chance might never come your way again.

When u truly care for someone, u don't look for faults, u don't look for answers, u don't look for mistakes. Instead, u fight for the mistakes, u accept the faults & u overlook the excuses.

Its been 2 wks since Foo went for reservice..its really not easy to cope without team leader around plus the fact of being one man down in the team..been working late lately..fell sick start of this wk, given 2 days mc by the doctor but still went to work..think i've been lookin really sick for the whole wk..& the best thing is: its my bday! ahhh!!

Still went to work on my bday despite me being sick..but mayb bcos it was my bday on wed so i was more chirpy despite the fact of being sick..juz tat my eyes were really puffy (my eyes juz swell whenever i m sick..dun understand why!) whole day rushing work hoping not to stay too late in office on my special day..but ended up still worked late =S

But i had a nice bday =)
ard lunchtime, recep called to say that there's something for me at the counter..so i went over to collect & it was a bouquet of roses frm him..abit surprised but feelin happy..msged him thanks..then went back to work..
continue to bury myself in work til ard 4+ suddenly i heard a hoarse voice singing happy birthday song frm the back..sounds abit creepy though..turned over saw yongxin holding a birthday cake & the rest gathering up ard to sing me bday song..that was a surprise so i can feel my face blushed lol..after which they played a prank on me saying that the basketball was my bday present cos i've been lackin exercise..then after some fooling ard, they finally passed me the real present..it was an Agnes B voyage makeup pouch..nice~ keke cos i will nv pay so much juz for a makeup pouch..its lovely~ think they all cannot take my old makeup pouch, kept complainin its ugly haha..anyway i love the new one they got for me..immed changed to it that very nite keke..

Shir came to office to pass me a card & a smiley face cushion for my bday..she was shocked to feel my body temp & went "omg gal u havin a fever & still came to work on ur bday??" hahah..

Later in the nite, he called ask me if i wan dinner tog after work..so waited for me knock off picked me up frm office & went to east coast park for dinner..kept asking wat i wan i said i wan Jap food cos not so heaty so i asked if theres any sushi tei nearby but apparantly no frm wat we noe..so decided on Waraku instead..juz b4 the turn into Waraku he suddenly mention tat there another new area at east coast wif new restaurants asked if i wanna go take a look so i said ok & to our surprise, theres a sushi tei at the new area! so went to hav late dinner there..i dint eat alot cos i was really feeling unwell but he seemed to b worried that i dint eat enuf so asked a few times if i wan order more & commented i ate so little..since i wasnt feeling well, went back hme after the dinner..keke..but i think the day was good except the little hipcup for which i was sick..

Here r the pics taken in office on my special day..

*Yongxin wearing her mask trying to sing my bday song with tat hoarse voice!*

*Bouquet frm him sent to the office*

*Bday gal with the flowers*

Came across another song on radio today..me & Jan made so much fun about the lyrics..lol..
Gals will love this song~

Christina Aguilera - Can't Hold Us Down (feat. Lil' Kim)

So, what, am I not supposed to have an opinion?
Should I keep quiet just because I'm a woman?
Call me a bitch 'cause I speak what's on my mind
Guess it's easier for you to swallow if I sat and smiled

When a female fires back
Suddenly big talker don't know how to act
So he does what any little boy would do
Makin' up a few false rumors or two

That for sure is not a man to me, slanderin' names for popularity
It's sad you only get your fame through controversy (So, so sad)
But now it's time for me to come and give you more to say

[chorus:]
This is for my girls all around the world (Around the world)
Who have come across a man that don't respect your worth
Thinkin' all women should be seen not heard
So what do we do girls? shout louder!
Lettin 'em know we're gonna stand our ground (Stand our ground)
So lift your hands high and wave 'em proud
Take a deep breath and say it loud
Never can, never will
Can't hold us down

Nobody can hold us down
Nobody can hold us down
Nobody can hold us down
Never can, never will

So, what, am I not supposed to say what I'm saying?
Are you offended with the message I'm bringin'?
Call me whatever 'cause your words don't mean a thing
Guess you ain't even a man enough to handle what I sing

If you look back in history it's a common double standard of society
The guy gets all the glory the more he can score
While the girl can do the same and yet you call her a whore
I don't understand why it's okay,
The guy can get away with it, the girl gets named
All my ladies come together and make a change
And start a new beginning for us, everybody sing

[chorus:]
This is for my girls all around the world (around the world)
Who have come across a man
That don't respect your worth (repect your worth)
Thinkin' all women should be seen not heard
(can't get rid of us)
So what do we do girls, shout louder
Lettin 'em know we're gonna stand our ground
(we're standing our ground this time)
So lift your hands high and wave 'em proud
Take a deep breath and say it loud
Never can, never will
Can't hold us down

Here's something I just can't understand
If the guy have three girls then he's the man
He can even give her some head, or sex her off
But if a girl do the same, she's a whore

But the tables about to turn
I bet my fame on it
Cats take my ideas, and put their name on it
It's aight though, you can't hold me down
I got to keep on moving

To my girls to their man who be trying to mac
Do it right back to him and let that be that
You need to let him know that his game is whack
And Lil' Kim and Christina Aguilera got yo back

You're just a little boy
Think you're so cute, so coy
You must talk so big to make up for smaller things
You're just a little boy
All you do is annoy
You must talk so big to make up for smaller things

(This is for my girls)
This is for my girls all around the world
Who have come across a man that don't respect your worth
Thinkin' all women should be seen not heard
So what do we do girls, shout louder (shout louder)
Lettin 'em know we're gonna stand our ground (stand our ground)
So lift your hands high and wave 'em proud
Take a deep breath and say it loud
Never can, never will
Can't hold us down

This is for my girls all around the world (for my girls)
Who have come across a man that don't respect your worth (around the world)
Thinkin' all women should be seen not heard
So what do we do girls, shout louder
Lettin 'em know we're gonna stand our ground (stand our ground)
So lift your hands high and wave 'em proud
Take a deep breath and say it loud
Never can, never will
Can't hold us down

Uh, oh oh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh
Can't hold us down

Yeah, we here, we back again, yeah,
Lil Kim and Christina Aguilera
Can't hold us down

Heard this song over the radio today..quite like it..

Battlefield - Jordin Sparks

Don't try to explain your mind
I know what's happening here
One minute it's love
And suddenly it's like a battlefield

One word turns into a war
Why is it the smallest things that tear us down
My world's nothing when you don't
I'm not here without a shield Can't go back now

Both hands tied behind my back with nothing
Oh no, these times when we climb so fast to fall again
Why we gotta fall for it now

I never meant to start a war
You know I never wanna hurt you
Don't even know what we're fighting for
Why does love always feel like a battlefield, a battlefield, a battlefield?
Why does love always feel like..

Can't swallow our pride,
Neither of us wanna raise that flag,
If we can't surrender then we both gonna lose what we had, oh no
Both hands tied behind my back with nothing
Oh no, these times when we climb so fast to fall again
I don't wanna fall for it now

I guess you better go and get your armor, (get your armor) get your armor
I guess you better go and get your armor, (get your armor) get your armor
I guess you better go and get your...

We could pretend that we are friends tonight (oh-oh-oh)
And in the morning we'll wake up and we'll be alright
Cause baby we don't have to fight
And I don't want this love to feel like..

A battlefield, a battlefield, a battlefield,
Why does love always feel like a battlefield, a battlefield, a battlefield

I cut my wrist..yes i cut my wrist today..ACCIDENTALLY!!

Was helping mum washing the tin can for her to re use & tada~ i slit my wrist! & for the whole tin there's only a small little part tat was sharp to cut & i kanna tat part!! how heng can a person get!! even my mum was "wah only this part is sharp leh, u very heng, did u buy toto?" duh~
worse case is the cut quite deep i cant stop the bleeding..i used 3 pcs of tissues, applied pressure but it juz continue to bleed..then i used plaster to try stop the bleeding but plasters were completely soaked wif my blood..it was until the 3rd plaster then the bleeding start to stop slightly..sigh..pple if u c bandage on my wrist it was an accident k~ =p

Recently has been good for me..as in past one mth..more positive & motivated in life..i hope this will last cos i think this is the longest period tat i have kept myself positive ever since the low phase in my life..i m starting to take things easier & now i m even a positive motivator for Jan..she calls me her idol LOL cos she said that she's amazed by my positive mindset now..n i m startin to like myself again (cos i've been hating myself for past 1+yr for being low).. its a great feeling to b able to like myself again..the only thing now is to sustain & strengthen myself..n oso to let go of alot of unhappiness frm the past..
Once i can do tat, folks the old Juan will b back~ stay tuned~! keke =D

i m freaking tired at the moment but i feel that i need to pen this incident down b4 i hit the bed~

u'll nv believe how 'lucky' i am..alot of times u watched in shows that pple's xrays or bloodtest results got mixed up rite?n to a certain extend u find it ridiculous..ok i juz encounter something similar today!

went for my usual annual bloodtest last wk due to inheriditary issues (yes,i need the test every yr to make sure that things r alrite to stay alive) & supposed to collect my test results today..went to the clinic waited for freaking long & when i saw the doc she seemed puzzled when she was looking at the records..after a min she told me tat my blood sample taken last wk which was supposed to b sent for my usual blood test was ACCIDENTALLY sent for a kidney diagnosis!! omg~ n i've to retake blood sample for the correct test!! the mistake was made cos the previous doc marked my blood test form in such a hurry that he marked the column that was juz beside the correct test!! grrrrr..

in the end i've to retake the blood test (not as if i had alot of blood to start with) & they'll call me again if there's any issues..if not i'll juz hav to wait another half yr for the routined test again..but hey for nothing i've to go thru the process of taking blood which i hate alot! argh~ still cannot believe that the clinic actually made such a blunder!!

ok if i were to look at the positive side of this issue..i had a free kidney test & my kidneys r fine! hahah..

p/s: i went for the last jab of immunisation this morning b4 i headed for my blood test result collection & both the jab n bloodtest taken on the same arm..my left arm will b handicapped for a few days! i cant lift it for more than 90 degree! cant even touch my arm without feeling pain! OUCH!

Yongxin juz sent me a song which i think hit me quite hard..

<妥协 - 蔡依林>

你总爱编织谎言
我负责配合表演
所有改变 只为了进入你的世界
这情节 重复了一百遍
才发现 是你的心太野

你划定楚河汉界
我不能轻易犯规
所有时间 都是先给了你优先权
不自觉 爱到不敢冒险
成了你的傀儡一年两年
才看见我有多狼狈

爱到妥协 到头来还是无解
绑着你 不让你飞
历史不断重演 我好累
爱到妥协 也无法将故事再重写
你已下最后通牒 我躲在我的世界

你只是害怕一个人睡
我不想再为你掉泪
我了解 不会变
不再徘徊 开始自己的明天

I passed my driving test~ wahahahhahaha..8 demerit pts =P
anyway uploaded this pic cos i like it & its the recent pic i took..bleh..

Did a test here's the results..Quite true

Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having lots of ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.

阿姨阿妹 took these pics for me before i left for PY's banquet~